To my darling angel Arjun,
As 2015 closes I am reminded of how much has happened and how much you have grown. Christmas along with all the fun and cheer bought with it a bitter sweet feeling for me. The age you’re at right now is my favourite by far. You’re full of crazy antics, full of love but also have a huge personality and you’re not shy to show it – a personality that people from all around the world have fallen in love with. You bring so much joy to so many peoples lives and you don’t even know it.
Christmas seems to be a clear measure of time for me. The excitement of decorating the house and see you squeal with excitement, thinking of fun filled games for the family on Christmas day, thinking of a theme, personalising gifts and most of all – spending quality time with you as a family. Exactly a year ago we celebrated your first – where you were just 6 months old and a little clueless as to why your loved ones were dressed like lunatics! Exactly a year later, you’ve grown so much and our experience of Christmas was even more exciting than the last. You filled our hearts with so much joy and we had tears rolling down our cheeks on more than one occasion in awe of you!
As I reflect back on the past year and what 2015 had to offer, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Your first Christmas doesn’t feel like that long ago, how is time passing so quick? Am I making the most of my time with you? I’m so conscious that things as they are wont last forever, and I try my best to make the most of the present but I know sometimes I get carried away and distracted. I’ll regret it one day.
Daddy and I had a little moment on Christmas day as it dawned on us how much you’ve grown over the last year and how much you would have grown by next Christmas. We both really struggle with the thought. As selfish as it sounds, we both wish we could hit the pause button Arjun and relive our precious memories over and over again. I struggle to fight back the tears when I watch you contently playing with your toys, building towers and amazing little creations – how did you get so clever? Did I miss that bit? I’m overwhelmed by the thought that we created you – you have the best bits of mummy and daddy, though daddy argues your temper is just like mine!
As each day has passed my love for you has grown stronger and stronger. I struggled when you were first born, I’ve never hidden that. I didn’t feel that instant overwhelming connection that everyone talks about. I met you five hours after you were born and I don’t know if it was the medication, the 84 hour labour, the five hours apart where I didn’t have your tiny heart beat close to mine, or whether I was just so overwhelmed with emotion (and hormones) that I was unable to process it all, but you felt a little bit like a little stranger. I felt scared at the thought that another tiny human was now relying on me, he was dependent on me.
My confidence was by far not at its peak at the beginning of 2015, I still felt that daddy was the one that knew you inside out, the one that knew what the right decisons for you were, the one that could take care of you better. I didn’t feel like I could take you out alone, things still felt a little alien to me, crazy given it’d been six months right? But with your help and guidance, this year I’ve overcome most of those challenges. I feel like your mummy – I’m the only one that can predict your next move every single time before you’ve probably even thought of it! We’ve come so far and I feel blessed for the journey we’ve embarked on – it’s made everything even more worth it. You’ve taught me that together, we can achieve anything. You’re my little side kick and my bestest friend.
That feeling that others talk about is no longer unfamiliar to me. That overwhelming sensation that grips every single particle in my body when I think of you, when I see you, when you hold on to me tight for comfort. The bond between a mother and baby is unbreakable – even if I feel like mine took a little longer than most to build. I promise to protect you always and forever until I take my last breath. My every move is based on your wellbeing, your comfort and your future. Thank you for giving me a reason to work so hard – my ultimate goal is to be able to spend more time with you.
I’m so proud of you my boy. You’re growing in to such a helpful, loving, kind, considerate and God loving little boy. My heart skips a beat when I watch you do matha tekh to Guru Nanak Dev Ji and Guru Gobind Singh Ji’s picture every morning, the way you have an understanding of emotions – when someone cries you rush over to offer them comfort, the way equally you’re not afraid to express your own emotions.
You have the proudest grandparents who you never fail to amuse! Your bond with each and everyone of them is so special.
We’ve had an amazing year – 3 holidays to Dubai, Maldives and Singapore and Bali, you started nursery, we celebrated your first birthday and we’ve been able to capture your monthly progress from your monthly updates.
I know this time next year, I’m going to be an emotional wreck as I am now, but I’m so glad I’ve captured how I’m feeling today for you to read one day. I hope your heart smiles with joy when you are able to read all the memories we’ve captured here.
Here’s to creating even more happy memories in 2016.
I love you so much