Hope you’ve had a great week!
It’s been an eventful one for us in so many ways!
I’ve found the latter part of this week particularly difficult mentally, emotionally and physically and have found myself in a slightly dark space but have quickly tried to bounce back with the support of friends. That’s hindered a lot of what I’ve wanted to do this week but we still managed to get some bits done at the beginning of the week!
Arjun stated the week off by going to daddy’s construction projects with him on Saturday morning. As I mentioned in my 7 month update post, Arjun is totally doting on his daddy at the mo. He can’t get enough of him! He was so excited to be with his daddy and came home beaming. It was very cute.
During the day his Goov Masi came to pay him a visit. He kept laughing at her for no apparent reason!!
|Masi cuddles x|
In the evening we went for dinner at Mané’s house for lohri (check out my post on what lohri is about). It was a nice evening where Arjun bounced off everyone in the room (as usual!) but he did get pretty cranky towards the end. He received his first ever Mr Men book – infact he received the whole collection. Thanks Mané Pua (Aunti) and Jas Fufar Ji (uncle)! Arjun enjoyed playing with Mané’s chura (indian bangles that newly married brides wear) – he loves the sparkles!
|Puaji and newphew x|
|“Hmm which one should I read first?!”|
On Sunday Preetam took Arjun swimming. I didn’t go this week and felt pretty gutted for it! I’d been feeling pretty poorly since Friday and just needed some rest so I’d dosed up on Night Nurse the night before and decided to rest. Preetam said it was a good lesson and that they introduced new songs which Arjun enjoyed.
After swimming, Arjun had his very first birthday party to attend! It was his friend Taran’s 3rd birthday at Snakes and Ladders. It was so good catching up with friends and also seeing Arjun interact with his baby friends. He’s still too small to go in to the play area of the bigger kids but he loved the soft play area and the smaller climbing frame. He had a good time but got cranky half way through probably because it was nap time! Thankfully Preetam and my sister Harv came with me to Snakes and Ladders to manage Arjun. I would’ve been a hot mess had they not. Harv is amazing with him – she’s like a big kid herself so loves places like Snakes and Ladders! It was really nice being around other mums and sharing stories/advice. We had a really nice time!
|All set and ready to go! Hat from H&M, body warmer from Ralph Lauren, long sleeved top from Hugo Boss, jeans from Next, shoes from Ralph Lauren|
|Playtime with daddy x|
|Practising his push ups|
Being over protective of his buddy!
|With Leo the Lion x|
|Arjun’s first ever party bag 🙂|
|Playing in the ball pit at Jeeya’s house|
|Making important business decisions with nanaji!|
|Insisting on helping|
He enjoyed his dadiji and dadajis house too. He finds Preetam’s mum so hilarious. It’s so cute! He has become a bit of a tele addict (again something I stress about!) and managed to win his choice of channel (Baby TV) over his dadijis (Star Plus!). I’m really looking forward to going on holiday with them as it’ll be so exciting for Arjun 🙂
On Wednesday I’d planned that I wanted to attempt Westfield with Arjun and was so hyped up for it. Writing my blog post (My Hormonal Rollercoaster) on my early day’s post labour made me feel so empowered to actually take a hold of my life. It was such an amazing feeling just spilling my thoughts and feelings out. I ended up having major verbal diarrhoea but I’m glad I got it out of my system. It also made me realise that I haven’t actually made that much progress at all in terms of tackling my fears head on and it made me determined to JUST DO IT! I was so excited to finally feel like I was ready to take on Westfield and was looking forward to reporting back too.
Unfortunately, I woke up on Wednesday in such a dark space and I couldn’t understand what had happened or where it’d come from. I felt so drained with no motivation to get up. I struggled to respond to Arjun’s cries. I hadn’t slept properly because I felt so stressed but I don’t know what I was so stressed about. There was absolutely no way I was going to make it to Westfield in the frame of mind I was. I had no energy physically or mentally.
I managed to get myself up and feed Arjun his breakfast. He was whinging and crying when I put him down to play after breakfast. This week saw a lot of tears and tantrums. I still haven’t quite figured out why. I don’t know if it’s Arjun’s teeth or if he’s going through a strange phase but to say I’ve struggled is putting it mildly! It has given me such a huge feeling of self doubt again. What am I doing wrong? Does he hate me?! Why don’t I understand what he’s so upset about?! I’ve found it emotionally, mentally and physically tiring and I don’t know if that’s what’s triggered my feelings of sadness.
Once he calmed down enough for me to able to hear myself think, I headed to the kitchen. I needed to cook as we had people coming over for dinner that evening but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. Why was I finding it so difficult to process something so simple? I found myself getting in to such a confused mess. I struggled to cook and process a basic recipe which I’ve made for years. I found it so frustrating and was almost reduced to tears. A basic meal felt like the biggest challenge especially with a whinging baby.
I was relieved once I was done. By this time it was Arjun’s nap time and thankfully he didn’t put up too much of a fight – I didn’t have the energy to deal with it and I knew I’d end up in tears too. When he slept, I slept for a short nap. I don’t often do that. I usually end up doing bits around the house but I couldn’t do it. I just wanted to sleep. I would’ve stayed in the bed that whole day if I didn’t have a baby.
I somehow managed to get through the day but by the end of it I was EXHAUSTED. I barely had the energy to keep my eyes open let alone speak.
I woke up Thursday feeling the same. I was hoping Wednesday was just a bad day. I hate being in this space. It makes everything look so grey. It also makes me feel incredibly selfish. I have a great life – God has blessed me with everything. What do I have to be sad about?! A fellow blogger had warned me that PND can sometimes resurface especially between 7 and 9 months post birth. I’m really hoping it isn’t that and it is just my hormones rebalancing.
I was grateful on Thursday that my NCT friends had planned to come over for tea and cake. I welcomed the company and also Arjun loves other babies. He was his usual self for what he has been this week – lots of crying and quite unsettled. We had lots of cuddles and I tried Nurofen which seemed to make him feel better for a while. I found it tiring. I just about managed to get myself in to a decent state for the girls! It was so nice seeing them – I love my NCT group, we’re all from different walks of life and we all have something different to bring to the table (not just cake! Haha!). We’ve had to support each other in so many different ways which has made most of us friends for life.
Arjun enjoyed his playtime with his buddies and even had a bit of a flirt with E (nothing new there!).
|These two are too cute together!|
That evening, I went for a walk with my friend Amrit to get some fresh air and clear my head. It definitely helped having a little break from being with Arjun. I feel so guilty saying that but I really do believe it’s healthy for a mum to have some “me” time. I don’t often get that. It’s also good for Arjun to have some space from me! Again thank God for my friends – Amrit is like a sister to me and I’m blessed to have people like her in my life. So patient and understanding and we always have a lighthearted laugh.
Friday morning I had a dentist appointment which I took Arjun with me to. The dental assistant managed him whilst I had my teeth checked. He drew everyone’s attention including the builders that could see him through the dentists window and kept waving. He was entertained well. The dentist also checked his non existent teeth and confirmed that the bottom two will be making an appearance soon. Eek!
After that my friend Fiona and her baby E came over. I really value Fiona’s friendship – she has a whole lot more life experience than I do and I often seek advice from her and really look up to her. She’s an amazing mother and has supported me so much. We spent the day together just so that my mind was kept occupied and so that Arjun was busy with E. I feel so much better for it. I’ve woken up today feeling a little lighter. I WILL get there. This is just a tiny hurdle 🙂
|All set for their walk x|
It’s really scary writing about your current feelings – it makes me feel super exposed. I felt more comfortable writing my other post as I was speaking more about the past. But ups and downs highs and lows are all part and parcel of pregnancy and being a mummy x
I now need to muster up the energy to go cook for friends we have coming over tonight 🙂
How was your week?
Have a great day x