I Wish … 

I Wish … 


Isn’t it crazy that almost all of us wish the days away – like how a lot of us count down to Friday from a Monday. Literally wishing time away. Life is so precious, why do we do that? 

It’s the same with a baby … Those comforting words from friends and relatives through your turbulent time…

  “Don’t worry he’ll be sleeping through the night soon”

 “Don’t worry, all babies are clingy at some phase, it’ll pass”

“Don’t worry, soon he’ll have all his teeth”.
 
Actually, I wish I hadn’t worried, I wish I had thought …

“Harps he’ll be sleeping through the night soon, make the most of your precious cuddles” …

“Harps he won’t be ‘clingy’ forever, make the most of being his entire world” …

“Harps soon he’ll have all his teeth, make the most of his innocent gummy smile” 

And now I’m sat here in tears watching this video …

How beautiful is the sound of his laughter? 

When I think of it, it feels like a life time ago, but actually, I remember everything about that day. The joy I felt at hearing Arjun laugh from his belly then is the exact same joy I feel now. Maybe more now as that time has passed. He still has the most joyful laugh that melts my heart but he’s no longer a baby. 

Long gone are the days I associate with that time period when that video was taken that I almost wished away … The terrible sleepless nights, the teething, the attachment – all of which resulted in him relying on us more than ever. Why didn’t I cherish those moments a little more? My baby is an independent little boy now. As much as I love his independence and him finding his own, I struggle with the thought that before I know it, it’ll be the next stage. 

It’s crazy to think that our parents embarked on this journey too – we too once had tiny hands and fingers, and now look. I wonder if they reminisce? Whether they feel that same wave of emotion that I do? 

As I have thousands of pictures (approx 20,000 to be precise!) and videos (approx 4,000!) to reflect back on, it’s really made me realise how time is just slipping through my fingers like sand. It’s strange because I barely have the chance to reminisce but when a picture is placed before me, an infinite amount of emotion floods me. It all comes back to me as though it was just yesterday. Something I’m grateful for with my shoddy memory. I so badly want to freeze time. I so badly want to enjoy every single moment. I so wish I could relive some of those moments over and over again. 

Staying at my parents has enabled me to spend more focused time with Arjun and really appreciate the simple things – like going for a walk with him and admiring natures beauty – something I take for granted in the hustle and bustle of life but something that he redraws my attention to through his innocence and simplicity in life.

Here, I’m not rushing around trying to blog, clean the house, cook, sew while here. It’s 7am and I’m still lying in bed with the sound of his little snore beside me. Here, my time is predominantly spent on him. How I wish that was life always!! He’s more affectionate than ever and can express himself verbally too and it’s so precious. 

As much as having heavy building work done at home, being away from Preetam while being pregnant and having a toddler in tow has been really challenging to say the least, my silver lining is the break I’ve luckily been given to enjoy this time while being oblivious to the chaos that is my house! Soon we’ll all be back together as a family and my normal crazy life will resume … Oh and there’ll be a baby to throw in to the mix!! 

As you’ve probably gathered, I don’t do too well with change. Even positive change. I really struggle to accept and “go with the flow”. It’s not the greatest way to be as it means I never really live in the moment. While being sad at the thought of Arjun growing up, I’m wasting valuable time that I could be spending with him and cherishing today. The anxiety and guilt I feel at the thought of him having to share me with another tiny more reliant human is immense. But that’s something I’ll write about separately. 

I’m so grateful for my blog, for my little corner of the Internet, for my virtual time capsule to capture as many memories as I can. I said it then, and I’ll say it again, “nothing lasts forever“, I need to take my own advice and try and live for today and enjoy every single precious moment before it slips away … x

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  1. 1
    Jatinder Kaur

    This is lovely. Absolutely make the most of arjun whilst he’s an only child.

    I’ve found it so hard giving my two yr old son attention since bringing my daughter home. He wants my attention all the time and I feel like I’ve missed out on 6 weeks of her.

    I actually feel like I want to rush her growing up a little so he can take more interest in her as there is none currently but reading this makes me think otherwise. I definitely need to cherish the time I have with her when I can around him.

    Arghhh

  2. 2
    Lisa Jackson

    Such a lovely post. I’ve been counting down the days and weeks in fact recently as I took on a job which I desperately wish I hadn’t. It’s only for a year but and I am trying not to wish a whole year away but it’s hard sometimes. If I could stop time on my kids I would though!

  3. 3
    Harps

    Ah Hun, we all do it. When I stop and think about it though, it’s so crazy. Literally wishing life away! I hope you settle in to the new job ASAP xx

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