So today was Arjun’s first day at nursery for his first settling in session and wow what a ball of emotions Preetam and I both were!
His session started at 2pm and we were both pretty busy in the morning which I was thankful for as it gave me less time to ponder over every scary eventuality out there.
Of course Arjun decided to delay his morning nap till 12pm which meant when he woke at 1pm, lunch was super rushed!
We made it to nursery in time and I could sense Preetams nerves and he could probably sense mine which were made all the more worse by watching our bubbly little boy smiling and laughing away as we walked up to the nursery. He had no idea we were going to leave him. He probably thought we were on one of our rare family days out. I felt terrible. I wanted to cry but I stayed strong.
We were greeted by the super friendly and smiley staff which put my mind at ease a little. The last thing you want is to be greeted by miserable faces knowing your child is going to spending a large portion of their lives in this place!
We were taken to the room Arjun would be in and were greeted by 6/7 other little babies who looked like they’d never seen another baby let alone two big people in their wee lives! Haha!
They were so cute and looked so confused and stunned! Arjun clung on super tight like a little monkey to his papa. He seemed shy and a little apprehensive. After a few moments in the room, Preetam placed him down. He took a look around at all these unfamiliar faces and gazed at his new surroundings. His demeanour changed starkly from the bubbly confident boy that walked in. It made me feel a little uneasy. Why wasn’t he smiling? Why wasn’t he going up to the other babies like he normally would? Was he going to be ok?
We had an appointment to go through our paperwork but Preetam had already completed it all at home which meant we could leave Arjun to it. I told Preetam to exit the room swiftly whilst Arjun had his back to us as I knew he’d be an absolute wreck if he saw his daddy leave – I was equally feeling it for Preetam as I knew he was bursting with emotion.
As Preetam left, one of the nursery nurses picked Arjun up for a cuddle. He seemed ok but still quite placid understandably. Everything was so new to him. As I was about to leave, one of the other babies took a tumble and burst in to tears distracting Arjun. I quickly left the room but my eyes filled up as I did. What if Arjun hurt himself like that poor little boy – I wouldn’t be there to comfort him 🙁
Arjun’s key worker wasn’t in today so we were told we’d be meeting her tomorrow.
As Preetam and I sat in the car, we sat in silence for a few minutes as we both teared up. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves. I didn’t want to go home – I felt a little empty. The house would feel so quiet and empty without him. Although it was a perfect opportunity to go home to get some party bits done in peace, I didn’t want to. I wanted Arjun to be sticking his little fingers in to everything. It felt really different to when Arjun isn’t at home on the rare occasion he’s at his grandparents without us. I don’t know why.
We decided to pop to Acton to visit Preetam’s latest project site. A nice little distraction though we did spend most of the drive down talking about him and wondering what he was doing!
I managed to keep myself distracted while getting a quick update and show around if the project from Preetam and as I glanced at my phone I saw a missed call from the nursery and my heart sunk! I panicked and frantically tried to call back. I was so worried and felt sick with fear. Was Arj ok?! Had something happened?! When I finally spoke to someone they said he seemed a little distressed but was ok. It was more an update call.
We decided to head back to collect him as it’d been an hour by that time anyway.
As we approached the nursery, I was literally ready to jump out to go and embrace my baby.
We paced quickly up to the room he was in (though it felt like I was competing in a sprint!) and half way up the corridor could hear his familiar cry. I felt distraught. Before he even noticed us we could see him from the doors window panel – he was inconsolable and the lovely nursery nurse was trying really hard to comfort him.
My heart sunk at seeing him like that knowing we wouldn’t be there to comfort him always.
We walked in and he literally jumped in to my arms (only because I was in front of Preetam haha!) and swiftly moved to Preetams. He cried and cried. It all felt so traumatic!
I would have sort of been ok if he’d cried at seeing us. It was really hard seeing him cry like that when we “weren’t there”.
The nursery nurse gave us an update of how he’d been and showed us lots of pictures she’d taken to show us. It gave me great comfort that the nursery are so thoughtful about parents and the fact that we end up missing out on a whole chunk of our baby’s lives due to work commitments. We saw pictures of him enjoying his beans on toast for tea and playing with toys. She even offered to print them for us.
She said he mainly played with the dinosaur figurines and the rattle and he also enjoyed the bubbles that she blew for him. He seemed happy enough but did cry at the sight of another baby crying. He’s become so sensitive – a trait that I do admire in him and i hope he stays that way but not to the point that it upsets him 🙁
I think Arjun was particularly tearful as it was his milk and nap time and when he’s tired he becomes quickly distressed.
When we got home, he was his content and happy self again. He had his milk, played with his toy hammer and we headed up for cuddles and a nap. It took him ages to fall asleep despite him being so tired. He finally fell asleep at 5pm! I knew this was dangerous given it was so close to his bed time but I didn’t want to stop him from sleeping either.
I was also really exhausted. Today’s emotional journey and the realisation that this was going to very much be a daily “thing” for a while till Arjun settles in was also draining.
I also fell asleep and had a nap with Arjun with him softly snoring in my ear! So much for getting lots of party bits done today!
Today’s session has definitely thrown our routine completely off and we’re all so tired that I am quite worried about how we’ll cope when I’m back at work let alone how we’re going to manage tomorrow’s 11am session!
If anyone has any tips on how you manage work/house/baby all in one go, please share!
A huge thank you to all those that sent us messages to wish us luck and also all the words of encouragement – they really do make a huge difference and instil me with confidence that all will be ok pretty quick!x