I hope you’re all well and are looking forward to the weekend! It’s Friday! Yay!
I’ve woken up feeling pretty exhausted, confused and anxious. Generally a low mood kinda day – the weather doesn’t help either. Seems to be reflective of my mood!
Yesterday was my most challenging day with Arjun in a while. I didn’t really recognise my son at all and I don’t know if this is the new “him” or if it was just a bad day.
We had his friends E and Josie over for lunch after a while. The girls were happily playing for the most part and Arjun usually loves being around other babies but yesterday he must have burst in to tears every five minutes (no exaggeration) for no apparent reason. He’d be laughing and then suddenly out of no where start crying. Usually he’s so happy especially with other babies. I didn’t really understand what was wrong – which made me feel like a really rubbish mum. How could I not know what was wrong? They say you “just know”, why didn’t I “just know”?! I tried a few things but nothing seemed to settle him. He’d cry and put his arms out to me when I approached him – that made my heart melt. No mother likes seeing their baby cry.
He’s also become really sensitive. If another baby even flinches or appears to be upset, he’ll start crying. Or if he sees another mum tell their baby “off”, he’ll cry. How will he cope at nursery where he’ll be surrounded by other babes riding through different emotions throughout the day?!
I’m so thankful to my NCT friends who are so patient and supportive. I never feel like I’m being judged around them and as we’ve been in each other’s lives since the beginning of our motherhood journey, we’ve grown together as mums which has been a blessing.
I almost burst in to tears seeing him with other babies and not smiling. What will he do at nursery when I’m not there to comfort him?! What if he doesn’t like it? What if he spends all his time crying? My mind was running in over drive and I felt so panicked and suffocated by the thought. I don’t want to leave him anywhere. I’m completely filled with anxiety where it comes to sending him to nursery now. I thought he’d love it as he loved other babies. That was my source of comfort. I really don’t know how I’m going to do the whole going back to work and leaving him at nursery thing. I’m also filled with anxiety where it comes to returning to work too. But right now that’s been overshadowed by my fears around leaving Arjun.
He was the same at the mendhi function we were invited to for our family friend Taran in the evening. He’d be smiling/chilling/playing and suddenly he’d burst in to inconsolable tears though he was much better than he had been during the day. It was nice as Taran’s family are all super baby friendly. He didn’t even seem to settle for long with Goov which wasn’t like him.
He was unrecognisable to most yesterday. I didn’t know what to do with him. We assumed it was his teeth and bonjela seemed to help with that. The only thing that seemed to distract him for long enough were the aunties dancing! He was probably wondering what on earth his Nani was doing haha!
He also resorted to hitting me yesterday when i redirected him from danger/”told him off” which was really upsetting. He’s never done that before (not with intent anyway!). I know it’s probably normal and all kids probably go through it at some point or another but he isn’t even 1 yet?! I don’t know how to deal with that? When do you start disciplining a baby? And how?! What if he ends up being a child that runs riot even in public? I feel so nervous and stressed. Am I doing something wrong as a mother?
I hate feeling right this when returning to work is so close. I have four weeks left. I had planned on it being fun filled. I really hope yesterday was just a bad day and not the start of a new phase because I honestly don’t know how I’ll deal with it. I know I probably sound like an idiot even going off in panic mode based on one day but unfortunately that’s how my brain works.
He’s still fast asleep now – he’s probably exhausted from yesterday. Will keep you posted on how our day unfolds. Praying and hoping for a happier one!
Any tips would be most welcome x