35.
It’s been a rollercoaster of a year with so much change (something I’ve never been good at) but through it:
• I’ve learnt that I can take myself back to a calm place through meditation
• I’ve learnt that my family is my number one priority – seems like a silly realisation but I was so overwhelmed (self inflicted) at the beginning of the year (work, business, blog, family, book etc) and through my vision board at the Ignite workshop with Asian Women Mean Business, it was crystal clear that the number one thing that brings me joy is my family and everything I do, is for them.
• I’ve learnt to reflect on relationships and really hone in on how I feel when being around certain people and have unapologetically distanced myself from those that do not uplift me. I AM responsible for who I allow in both in person and on social media.
• I’ve learnt to surround myself with those that ride the lows with me but also celebrate my highs with me and vice versa – it may sound cliché but “real women fix each other’s crowns” and all that!
• I’ve calmed down in some (I’m working on the “all” part! Haha) situations and take a deep breath before responding rather than going crazy! For those of you that know me, know how I generally have a pressing urgency to deal with things there and then, sometimes not using a rational head!
• I’ve learnt that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone; cherish your parents and loved ones.
• I’ve learnt to say no to going to places that do not bring me joy.
• I’ve learnt to be kinder to myself; I haven’t lowered my expectations of myself, I’ve just learnt to accept that it’s ok if I don’t always meet them.
• I’ve learnt the importance of reflection; especially when looking through Saajan’s open heart surgery pictures. I am proud of how far we’ve come from the time when he was born.
• I’ve learnt that despite lacking massively in confidence (that may come as a surprise to some that don’t know me personally!), my kids push me out of my comfort zone continuously and bring out the lioness in me. I’d set myself the goal of raising more awareness within our community this last year; I’m so pleased we’ve been able to with the support of Sri Guru Singh Sabha Gurdwara and Ramgharia Gurdwara, The Sikh Channel and The Barsi Smagam from setting up stalls, to sharing posters at the Gurdwara, to going totally out of my comfort zone and being interviewed on the The Sikh Channel.
• I’ve learnt that my judgement still resides and sometimes clouds my judgement; watching Saajan in the Masai Mara was proof of that. I was terrified to take him out of fear of how he’d respond to the animals so close. It was better than I ever could have imagined.
• I’m grateful for my family, my friends and all the wonderful people that I’ve met through these squares; many of which I’ve had the privilege of meeting in person now!
• I’ve learnt that I still need to work on my language when speaking to myself or about myself; I am my own worst critic still.
• Though I’ve felt so poorly over the last two weeks, it was bliss to be locked away in a room alone. My silver lining was the realisation that I really need a break from the hustle and bustle of “life” every so often and that the time it takes to tidy up a house after two weeks is the same as after a day. I put pressure on myself to maintain a certain standard; that’s on me. I realised that as much as I love my husband and kids, having time alone in silence is so important for my mental well-being. When Arjun was first born, being alone terrified me because of the loud voices in my head. I recognise my growth.
• It isn’t something I’ve learnt this year, but I continue to remind myself that it’s ok to have down days and remind myself that “this too shall pass”.
• I continue to remind myself that life is such that we can’t control every single thing that happens, we can only control the way we respond.
• Andddd I’ve learnt that I CAN do a headstand if I focus and put my mind to it thakns to Deepa 4 Yoga!
This year I’d like to keep my focus simple;
I’d like to grow in managing my inner self by surrendering to things I can’t control and to master the art of staying CALM; something my dad has nailed. I often let my temper get the better of me be it because the sink is full of dishes or the kids aren’t listening or because I’m panicking over something or another; I intend to do this through practicing meditation more, drawing on the knowledge and experience of friends who are further along in this journey of self development and through exploring more of my pull towards Sikhi through paat and kirtan.
