I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t …
1) If I leave him places, I’m a rubbish mum for not spending every precious moment with him. If I don’t, I’m an over protective one.
2) If I rock him to calm him, I’m spoiling him. If I let him have a dummy to pacify him, I’m being an selfish mum as he’s going to end up with slowed speech.
3) If I let him try a little bit of everything food wise, I’m a slacker mum for letting him eat “junk”. If I’m too fussy, I’m a secret-eater-producing mum.
4) If I bottle feed, I’m a lazy and uncaring mum that’s not providing the best for her child. If I’m a battling breastfeeding mum, I’m being a stubborn mum for not accepting that bottle may be best in my case as I’ll be better rested for my baby. When I tried to breastfeed post a traumatic birth, I was a knackered-in pain-low energy mum but at least my child got the best nutrition right?
5) If I let him self soothe, I’m an evil mum. If I cuddle him to comfort him, I’m a clingy-baby-making mum.
6) If I discipline him, I’m being a military mum. If I don’t, I’m a spoilt-brat-creating mum.
7) If I send him to relatives instead of nursery, I’m an irresponsible mum for relying on others. If I send him to nursery, I’m being an awful mother for not ensuring he receives one on one care.
8) If I let him do messy play, I’m encouraging him to cause chaos and turn the house upside down and therefore I’m a shambolic and untidy mum. If I don’t, I’m being a highly strung mum.
9) If I give him the iPad, I’m being a negligent mum by harming his emotional and social development. If I don’t, I’m being a harsh mum by depriving him of educational apps and early learning for what he’ll be using later at school.
10) If I let him feed himself, I’m being an inattentive mum as I won’t know how much he’s eaten as half of it ends up on the floor. If I feed him, I’m being a controlling mum by not letting him learn key skills himself.
The daily struggles of a parent and dealing with labels and conflicting advice. We all get unwelcome advice. We all have that know it all in our lives that tells us the best way to do it – the best way for them, in their opinion It’s so easy to judge others without realising their full situation. There’s a balance isn’t there?
Unfortunately we live in a society where people are more often than not quick to point out what they believe are flaws with parenting, what you could do better, how their way works. What about those that tell you you’re doing amazing?
Like all parents, I’ve faced many decisions in my journey of parenthood and initially I really struggled with the raging hormones and the mixed messages I was receiving from friends, family and even strangers. But over time I realised there is no universal perfect way to parent but ultimately, if your baby is a happy one, you’re a perfect mum regardless of what anyone else thinks!x
Couldn’t agree more Harps. There’s always someone with ‘advice’ but it’s down to you as a mum to decide which to heed and which to ignore. And you’re absolutely right, a happy baby = great mum. Simple as!
I think you’ve nailed it to a ‘t’ harps. That post is so spot on. Just think those people who are quick to judge should read it too x
I live this post Harps and I totally agree with you. I felt conflicted about everything from the minute I got pregnant and over time I have learnt to trust my instincts and learn that as a mother I know what’s best. After all every child is different and there’s no one size fits all. So well written xx
Definitely! We all get unwelcomed advice and we’re never going to please everyone, so just best to please yourself/baby! x
if only! x
Absoltuely agree – it can be really confusing especially when you have so many hormones running through you! And if you’re anything like me, I’m not the most confident person in the world so it was easy for me to second guess myself. Glad we’ve both come so far 🙂 x
I agree to a certain point however I welcomed advice from close family and friends who too had brought up children and tried what they said… We have instincts as a mum but we also don’t know everything. Not swing different opinions is dangerous. Can always do what you want but what’s the harm in exploring a different view… Some people do mean well and also care for your child as it may be their nephew or grandchild and more often than not their intentions aren’t bad…
I do get however some people do judge and rather than advise you or make suggestions they instruct you and say oh you should do this- and may not even have any back up to it lol!!
Hey Sophie, I totally agree with you. I actually had some great gentle advice from friends and family too who genuinely were trying to help. This post was more about following your instinct as a mummy and not allowing others’ judgement to cloud your own.
The breast feeding one was a huge one for me – I didn’t give up out of laziness, I physically was struggling to cope. Support was so important and luckily I got it. People are so quick to frown upon such decisions but don’t always fully understand the circumstances. Who is anyone to judge?
xx