This Wife’s Guilt … 

This Wife’s Guilt … 

As you probably know, the last few weeks Arjun and I have been living with my parents as our house is currently a hazardous zone with major construction work happening. 

Preetam’s daily routine consists of waking up at 6am, usually doing a building materials run based on what the builders need, coming home, getting ready for work, taking the train in to London, doing a full day at work, coming back home, changing straight in to his work wear, eating whatever he can grab (usually a slice of bread and cheese or scrambled egg!) and diving straight in to building work … sometimes he’s working till past midnight and then does it all over again the next day. How he does it, I will never know. The amount I worry I about him, I do know. 

I’ve felt so guilty the last few weeks, there isn’t a fully functioning kitchen at home and I know that feeling when you’ve had a long day at work and want to come home to a hearty cooked meal. 

It’s been so difficult running up and down from my parents house to my house to work to nursery to hospital … between work, sewing, managing a toddler – I feel physically and mentally exhausted but my physical exhaustion cannot be anywhere near Preetams. The pressure of having to have a house in a reasonable state in preparation for the arrival of a newborn, the thought of a newborn, managing a big construction project, being away from his son – so many times he’s broken down, and living alone …to top it off infrequently cooked meals for him as I just haven’t been able to manage everything just feels like too much. I’ve cried so many times at the thought – my heart literally breaks. I wish we could be a family and I could be there to support him, I’m really missing him. But I also know this is temporary and it’s the right thing to do to get things done quickly. Like any couple, we sure have had our ups and downs, but there is nothing quite like home – as much as my parents home will always be my first home and Arjun and I are being absolutely spoilt here, home is where my husband and son are. 

Today I decided to surprise him by cooking some of his favourite comfort food that can be frozen while Arjun napped to keep at our house so that he has hearty food when he fancies it. I feel so awful that it’s so cold, he’s working so hard, and I haven’t even been able to provide at least that… it looks like a cheese feast but at least he’ll have a few of his favourites a few times a week whenever he fancies it and there’ll be a few bits left over for when we go back … Broccoli cheese, lasagne and macaroni cheese! It makes me feel better that as helpless as I feel right now, at least I can feed him even though he’ll probably never want to see any of those dishes again! Haha! I haven’t been able to spend any time with Preetam and today it’s felt like I’ve invested time in us, in our relationship in a weird way. 

I am so proud of the man that he is – I don’t know anyone that works as hard as he does and is so knowledgable in so many things. I’m so lucky to have him as my husband and as the father of my kids – Arjun and his sibling will learn so much from him and Arjun is already a mini version of his dad. Always ready to help, so hands on and so keen to learn. 
I am forever grateful for how much he does for us. 
I’m making the most of my time at my parents house as I know I’ll be heartbroken all over again when it’s time to leave but I can’t help but miss my home too. It’s a shame that Indian girls have to leave home to get married and live with their husbands!! If only it was acceptable for them to come and live with our parents 😉 Still, I’m lucky to live so close to my mum and dad. 

I’m looking forward to being reunited as a family and starting the next chapter in our lives in our beautiful humble home with my precious little family x

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