Category: Pregnancy

It still feels pretty surreal to be honest, I’ve not really had the time to absorb what’s going on and what’s about to hit us! With major building work going on at home (can’t wait till our new home is built!), work, Baby Brain Apparel, blog, cleaner on holiday for 6 weeks, a very busy summer with weddings birthdays and gatherings AND of course a toddler in tow, I barely get a moment to myself. It’s so different this time around!

It’s going to be pretty manic with two under three! But I’m trying not to freak myself out by the thought. I have braced myself for the first year being somewhat challenging as the sleepless nights kick in and a toddler that may feel he needs to fight for our attention. I’m feeling pretty anxious but I’m also really excited for Arjun to be a big brother and for our little family to grow.

We always knew we’d love to have a second baby (God willing) – I grew up with two sisters and Preetam with a brother and sister. Despite the hair pulling, fighting and parent rivalry, it meant you had a friend for life. Something I am so grateful for – two sisters who I can call my best friends.

When we found out we were pregnant, it all felt so surreal. I remember finding out the morning of my best friend, Amrit’s, wedding reception. I did the test as I was one day late. We were trying for a baby but a few negatives a few days earlier meant I wasn’t holding my breath. I had invested in a pack of 20 pee sticks from eBay as (I’m sure many of you can relate!) it almost became an addictive habit peeing on a stick for a few months! An expensive habit when investing in Clearblues! The First Response test (which promises to detect early … You lie!) I’d done a few days earlier (2 days before my missed period) had come back negative so I was certain I wasn’t pregnant. With Arjun, I’d found out 5 days before my missed period. 

Preetam was outside painting our fence, and Arjun and I were having morning snuggles when I decided to do a cheap test out of force of habit ..! I was completely shocked when I saw a faint second red line. Damn it did I leave the test out too long and was if a hoax?! I decided to use the last Clearblue Test I had to double check … I was so surprised, despite us trying, to see a positive after seeing negatives a few days before! I embraced Arjun and cried. I handed him the stick (after wiping it with a Dettol wipe as you do!) and rushed down to show it to Preetam who was equally as surprised!

The rest of the day was a blur as I partied the night away with my bestie and her husband. What a fabulous day all round!

My initial emotions were definitely of excitement and sheer gratitude. I felt just as happy as I’d imagined myself to feel.
Would love to have a little girl to complete our little family but I’d be equally as thrilled with a little boy, I’m grateful for whatever blessing God bestows on us. 

I’ll be sharing my journey with you and catching up with blogging now that we’ve shared our news! Just in case you missed it, you can catch up with my “pregnancy after a c section” post. 
X

Never ever did I even think about what pregnancy after a c section would be like. I thought about the type of labour I’d prefer second time around but not the pregnancy itself and whether my method of delivery would impact that. I really wish I had been a bit more mentally prepared. 

This isn’t a post to scare you at all, everyone’s experience of labour and pregnancy is very different. This is just to share my experience – something I’ve always honestly done through my blog. 

Unfortunately for me, I never really fully recovered from my first c section. I’m pretty sure since I had my car accident, my body has decided to slow down massively on me! 
I have so many friends who have bounced back pretty quick from a c section and have had ok subsequent pregnancies, this is just my story. And for those of you that know me, my life is never plain sailing (#dramaqueen)! Haha! 

Till I fell pregnant, I had tenderness externally on my keloid c section scar from when I delivered Arjun. It wasn’t unbearable though, just uncomfortable. At almost 20 weeks pregnant, the last month in particular has become increasingly difficult and I’m feeling pretty anxious about the next few months given I’m going to get even bigger! 

It all started off with what felt like mild painful contractions. I put it down to Braxton Hicks even though it was too early and Braxton Hicks aren’t normally painful. However by the end of the week, I felt I was in full swing labour as I was in excruciating pain. At only 16 weeks, it was pretty scary. After a fractured skull and an emergency c section after an 84 hour labour, my pain threshold is pretty high. I ended up in A&E twice that week as the pain was unbearable. It was in my lower abdomen and was a dull prolonged pain. 

I’m writing this from my hospital bed – I was admitted two days ago as the pain was unbearable and had spread to my kidney area. It was so painful that I was vomiting and feeling so unwell – the doctors were concerned. It’s scary being pregnant – you have no idea what’s going on inside you and when you’re responsible for a-whole-nother life, it’s terrifying. The normal aches and pains I’ve been quite blasé to being my second pregnancy and (sort of) knowing what is normal. Having unfamiliar aches and pains is never pleasant. 

The doctors were absolutely brilliant taking extra care given my pre existing medical conditions such as hypertension. After having various tests to to check my chest, heart, kidneys and bladder, they found I have an infection lurking somewhere in my body. The IV antibiotics over the last few days helped with kidney pain but didn’t help with the abdomen pain. It seems more than likely my internal c section scar tissue is leaving me in agony. I pray and hope as time passes the pain will also ease as its difficult to sleep or carry on as normal when it kicks in so can be quite disruptive to our day to day life. For the moment, I am on controlled regular strong pain relief and have been ordered to rest – something I’m quite rubbish at! 

Of course knowing that I may have been faced with such discomfort post my c section wouldn’t have really changed anything given I didn’t have a choice with Arjun’s birth but it just would’ve been good to be a bit better equipped for it mentally this time instead of being sent in to a panic. 

Although it hasn’t been working this last week, prior to that I’ve found the following helped me manage the pain: 

• Being physically in tune with my body, e.g. recognising when I’m tired and slowing down, helps
• Not lifting heavy, helps. Unfortunately with a toddler in tow, it’s difficult!
• Wearing maternity over the bump trousers and knickers definitely helps so that no pressure is applied to my lower abdomen and therefore my internal scar
• Placing a pillow behind my lower back when the pain started sometimes worked 

It really does make me question my labour this time around if I’m given the choice. Where I was swinging for a planned section this time, I’m not so sure anymore! 

I am so grateful for the care I’ve received at Hillingdon Hospital – they have been absolutely brilliant so far as they were with my first pregnancy. As much as I dislike being in hospital and away from Arjun, my silver linings have been: 

• I get to eat my favourite hospital breakfast (tea, toast with butter and jam!) 

• I get to rest. I mean properly rest. 
• I get around the clock care for when I’m in agony. I get to blog when I feel like it while my life is on pause and I’m feeling up to it. Will hopefully get around to editing some of my unedited blog posts! 
• I get to be around the kindest and warmest midwives. 
• TLC from my best boy – Arjun with his kisses and asking “mummy much better now?”

• I get to take a break from everything. Including my phone (ironic as I’m using it to type this)
• I get to eat what I want (except I have no real appetite!) 
• I get to lounge in my FAVE New Look maternity pyjamas!

What’s not so great is being surrounded by labouring women, admiring them and absolutely sh*tting myself!! How am I going to do it?!

Have you had a similar experience after a c section? Any thoughts, advice and experiences would be very welcomed x

Tonight Arjun melted my heart. I’m lying in my bed, feeling the soft kicks of my unborn baby and hearing the soft snores of my little monkey from the room next door feeling so blessed and content but with tears streaming down my face (pregnancy hormones!).

Tonight at bedtime Arjun summoned both Preetam and I to sleep at either side of him. We both lay next to him as he babbled in his half sleep state. The world sort of paused for that precious moment. Although I have lots of Baby Brain Apparel orders to process and Preetam has lots of paperwork, it could all wait. He isn’t going to ask for us to put him to bed forever.

I didn’t really think about why he wanted us both there. He was in a really sleepy state but babbling nevertheless (definitely my boy!). He started talking about “Arjy’s baby” – I watched him as he lay there with a beaming smile on his face with his eyes shut talking about his baby brother or sister. I’ve never seen him look so content and fulfilled – I welled up. I didn’t really think he thought much about the baby outside of when we bring it up. To hear him speak about “his” baby with such happiness melted my heart. 

As he spoke about the baby, he mentioned random words like parks and aeroplanes. It felt like he was contemplating his future with a sibling. How beautiful. To think someone so tiny can process some of what is happening. We’ve tried to involve him as much as possible in the baby news and have also tried to be his pillars of support as he adjusts to the change.

Tonight, it was clear he summoned us both not only to talk about his sibling as a family, not only to share his excitement with us, but he was also seeking comfort from us both. He asked Preetam to tap his back and put his dinky little arm around my neck. He fell asleep with happy thoughts in the comfort of our presence.

My precious boy, how will I ever love another human being as much as I love you?

He’s going to be a big brother! … Baby B is due January 2017 and we’re all so excited and so grateful to God for another blessing! 🙏🏼

The first week of May was a pretty great one for us this year – my best friends wedding, my birthday, finding out I’d been short listed for the MAD Blog Awards, appearing in several newspapers, being on national radio AND finding out we’re pregnant! It was really overwhelming to say the least and I am so grateful for all of God’s blessings.

It still doesn’t really feel real – it’s so different second time around with a crazy little toddler in tow! 

I’ll be doing a series of catch up blog posts (I’ve been pretty quiet the last few months!) relating to my pregnancy journey including how it’s been different, pregnancy after PND, dealing with how Arjun has taken the news and the things that make me gag (oh the list is endless!). 

I’m really excited to ride this journey with you guys and I’m sure I’ll be asking for lots of advice and guidance!

Lots of love xx

 I’ve been meaning to write this post for ages and given its C Section Awareness Month, I figured now would be a good time to put it together. 

If you’ve read my birth story, you’ll know I ended up having an emergency C section after a 84 hour labour due to a failed induction – something which isn’t very common so please don’t panic!

I always assumed C sections were the slightly “easier” method of delivering a baby. It meant you didn’t have to go through hours of pushing, someone else did the hard part for you, you didn’t have to worry about tears (ha ha), you knew baby would be out within a few minutes.

This is not a post to scare those about to give birth at all. This is about my experience.

  I’ve heard really different C section stories just like I’ve heard many different natural labour stories. Everyone’s birth is its own. Though I do wish someone had shared the below with me so I was a little more prepared and so were the people around me.

Based on those around me, I think it’s fair to say the process of natural labour is probably physically “harder” than the process of delivering your baby through a C section in terms of having to go through contractions, the pushing and all the other energy required. I guess that’s where the term “labour” comes from! However, generally, assuming we’re comparing to a smooth natural labour, I think the recovery time for a C section is much longer. A lot of my family and friends have bounced back pretty quickly from a natural labour. 

I was pretty narrow minded and naive where it came to C sections. I had this great plan that didn’t even consider a C section birth though I was very open minded – ultimately I just wanted my baby to be safe. I really really wanted to deliver naturally – I tried so so hard. 

Before having my C section, I didn’t think …

• That I’d need staples AND stitches and that I’d feel each and every one of them with any slight movement. Most people have either or, not sure how I ended up with both! Stitches dissolve but staples need to be removed – lucky I had my mummy to hold my hand during that. It actually wasn’t as bad getting them removed as it was living with them! 
• Having had a fractured skull and major surgery on my head, I didn’t think I’d ever suffer with pain any worse. I was wrong. But I do believe that the pain was heightened because of how tired my body was from the 84 hour labour. I’m not sure a stand alone section would have been as difficult. 
• The baby would be out within 30 seconds of me getting in to theatre and I’d feel all the pulls and tugs … It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. As I had an emergency section, it all happened so fast. I’ve heard with a planned section, it’s a lot calmer and you don’t feel as much. 
• The recovery time would take so long. I always assumed you’d be stitched up and “ok” within a few days.  It took me a while to recover and up to my third week I needed assistance getting up, walking, going to the bathroom and showering. It was disheartening, especially as I no longer recognised my body (that’s not me in the picture above!). I was lucky to have the support I did. 
• The recovery would affect me in ways I never imagined. I’m used to being a control freak. I had no control. I physically struggled to move. I felt helpless and I really hated it. I was so mentally prepared to be a mum (so I thought). I wanted to care for my baby and get to know him, I felt like I struggled to do that in my early days and it impacted me massively later.  I really believe this was a contributing factor to my PND.
• I could love my sisters and family more than I already did. My sisters changed Arjun’s nappies before I did. They came through for me more than I could ever have imagined but I’m grateful for it as their bond is stronger than ever. 
• I’d ever see my husband cry the way he did. He cried for days after. I’d never seen him cry before. I guess I can’t appreciate what he must have gone through –  I slipped in to unconsciousness straight after Arjun was delivered and Arjun was prized off Preetam quickly as his temperature dropped. For him, “his world fell apart” at that moment. I can’t even begin to imagine how that felt but the amount of love and support he showed me, I will never forget.
• There would be over 10 people present in theatre. I always assumed it’d be a couple of people. Again my nativity around what a big procedure it is. 
• I’d not get to have prolonged cuddles with my newborn because I was so sick after an exhausting labour and then fell unconscious.  I’d meet my baby 4 hours after he was born … I had plans. Plans like every new mum. I had plans to recite paat (prayers) with him the moment he was born. I didn’t get to do any of that till a whole while later.
• It would be so cold! It wasn’t a relaxing experience lying there having the “hard work done for me” – it was pretty scary and cold. I found out after theatres are always cold to avoid surgeons sweating (gross!) on to the patient. I’d never known that as I was always knocked out for past surgeries. You’re generally not put to sleep for a section.
• That some would make me feel like less of a mother by not going down the natural route – I tried. I failed. But I still gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. We are all heroes and amazing for carrying a tiny human for 9 whole months and bringing them in to this world – be it through the conventional route or an alternative one.
• That the time to stitch you up is much longer than the operation itself. I had never though about how serious and major a C section was. They go through seven layers to get to your precious baby. Seven layers. Muscles, nerves, fat. SEVEN friggin layers!
• I’d need to reserve a drawer for painkillers AND laxatives!! Any kind of motion was so painful, needing the toilet was something I tried so hard to avoid.
• That it would be deemed that I took the “easy route” – actually, I went through the whole process of natural labour, only to be told my little monkeys head was too high. All 84 hours of it. And even if I hadn’t, a C section shouldn’t be underestimated.
• My breastfeeding journey would end after a mere 3 weeks and I would never get to solely breastfeed. Because I was poorly straight after, Arjun’s first feed was formula. Preetam was so supportive and suggested that if I wanted to try breastfeeding to do so during the day so he could do the nights so I was able to rest and recover. 
• That my scar would forever feel tingly
• I’d end up with a keloid scar – something that I’ve struggled with. Let’s face it, I hardly have a beach body, but having a thick purple raised (by about 0.5cm) scar doesn’t always instilling me with confidence but I’m still grateful that the scar on my head didn’t turn in to a keloid one as apparently my skin is prone to it!

I didn’t fully appreciate the nature of C sections and what it would mean for me. I also know there is a big difference between a planned C section and an emergency one based on what others ave been through both. Everyone’s body is different, everyone’s recovery is different the same as with a natural labour. Ultimately, I delivered a happy and healthy baby and that’s all that really mattered. 

My scar is a reminder of my strength, my ever residing pouch (though the excuse is wearing thin!!) is a reminder that I carried a child inside me for 9 months and as for my stretch marks, I’m a tiger who earnt my stripes!

  

This is just my experience of a C section. I don’t regret the way my labour went as from it I learnt so much and it also meant others got the chance to spend more time with Arjun in his early days more so than they may would have had things gone to plan. I’m eternally grateful for my family and the amazing staff at the hospital – some of which I’m still in touch with!

P.s, as you may or may not know,  out of over 8,000 amazing blogs, I have been short listed for the MAD Blog Awards 2016 Finals in the “Best Preschool Blog” category!! 

The winner will now be chosen based on the public vote and announced at the awards ceremony later on in the year. I will be most grateful for your continued support if you could spare a minute to please vote for me and my superstar here in the “Best Preschool Blog” category if you’ve loved following our journey. It takes less than 30 seconds!

You can VOTE HERE

Thank you thank you thank you! 

 x

Continue reading My Hormonal Rollercoaster! .. My Life Immediately Post Birth

So after a rollercoaster pregnancy, it was decided that I would be induced at 39 weeks given my risk of pre eclampsia. My consultant was brilliant and comforted me with all my anxieties (lots of them!). 

Continue reading My Birth Story