2019: The Year I Want To Get My Life Back

Recently, I openly and honestly shared on my insta stories that I’ve really struggled with the whole social media addiction. I had so many messages from you guys saying you felt the same so I thought I would share a little more … I hope you find it helpful. I often find myself scrolling endlessly and before I know it a good hour that I had to myself has now passed. It’s like a sneaky affair – while the kids may be busy for a few moments playing, I’ll use it as an opportunity to scroll. Why? What am I looking for? I have absolutely NO idea. But somewhere, somehow, it’s become like an addiction, a habit. Instead of nurturing my body, mind and soul when I’m free, I choose to scroll on social media which has the opposite effect of what I should be spending my time doing! Instead of enjoying quality time with my husband when in bed before we sleep, I’m having a quick check again – why?! Instead of getting high on the joy of motherhood by sitting on the floor and playing with my children, I’ve chosen to sit on the sofa “monitoring” them from behind my phone screen. I don’t think we are really aware of just how damaging social media can be. My new iPhone update now tells me my social media usage in a week. 5.5 hours a week? That’s almost an entire 24 hours a month. How can I complain that I don’t have enough time for other things?! We are the first generation to have so much access to so much technology and information but sometimes we don’t always use our tools correctly. Suicide is at its highest, I’m not suggesting that there is a direct correlation but I do believe there’s something in it. I don’t believe that too much of anything can be good for us – even too much information. Especially when the opportunity cost is so ridiculously high. The end to the scroll feature on all social media channels doesn’t exist – it’s infinite. You could spend your whole life doing it. For what? Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for social media – it has enabled me to connect with all of you, it has given me a support network through my toughest times, I’ve been able to support others, I’ve been able to raise awareness for my son, it’s given me food inspiration, clothing inspiration, travel inspiration, but somewhere, the lines got blurred. To me, it’s unnecessary to share every single waking moment on social media – for what? But at times, I caught myself doing it. It began to creep in to my children’s space, my family’s space. I felt like I was imposing this addiction on them. So many times Arjun would say “mummy please no more” – a 4 year old asking me to just put my phone away. I’ve had a long hard reflection on my unhealthy relationship with social media and have made a commitment which I WILL stick to in order to improve my life and get it back to the monster that I’ve created – because it is ME that has created that unhealthy relationship. It wasn’t imposed on me. I just want to live a normal, simple life, with my family. My phone and social media will always be there, my kids won’t be. You often end up seeing things that you don’t really need to see, that play on your mind for ages. I really had to dig deep and really challenge my behaviour and question why I do certain things. Our phones have become such a useful tool encompassing a camera, email, online banking, social media (to name a few) in one place and it’s so easy to open your phone for one reason but end up using it for another (for me – social media!). I wish I could go back to having an old school Nokia that only did what a phone was designed to do – make calls and send the odd text message (that had a cap of 160 characters!!). Here are a few things I’ve implemented: What I choose to share: Many of you have noticed that I no longer share face on pictures of the boys (unless it’s a throwback). This is a conscious decision I made towards the end of 2018. I realised that actually, as Arjun gets older, one day he’ll be venturing out on the streets alone – something doesn’t sit right with me knowing that people will know who they are without the boys even realising. I don’t regret for a second sharing the boys on social media but I know that I don’t need to share their faces for me to be able to continue raising awareness while respecting their privacy. It’s a catch 22 for me especially with Saajan as part of sharing his milestones to raise awareness does mean that at times his little face may make an appearance! If he’s ever involved in any campaigns relating to raising awareness, I’ll be sure to share. Manual diary: historically for years, I used the note section in my phone to manage my to do lists. Any time I’d go to update my list, it was an opportunity to use my phone for other things that weren’t productive. That’s changed. I now use a pocket diary and I absolutely love it. The limited number of rows for each day also limits how much you allocate yourself to do in a day, forcing me to manage my time better while also keeping away from the phone. Also, it means I can physically see how much I’ve achieved as I can’t delete anything – I can appreciate my efforts. On my phone, I’d simply delete a task once completed. Social media cap: after being enlightened on how much time I’m actually spending scrolling, I decided to use the iPhone reminder setting to tell me when I’ve reached an hour of scrolling a day. The first day I did this, by 11am, I had used up my cap!  it was shocking. I do sometimes still go over, but I’m working on it! Notifications off: I’ve turned off whats app notifications. Again, my phone would go off so frequently and I’d end up spending so much time looking at forwards or memes and then I’d end up scrolling social media. It was just another opportunity to waste time. Pictures: Previously, I’d place a lot of emphasis (leading to a lot of frustration) on getting a “perfect picture”. It was really unfair to almost ruin a moment by requesting that picture. Last year, during Arjun’s 4th birthday party, I didn’t have my phone on me and I really realised how much more I enjoyed the party compared to when I’d have it with me to try and capture every single moment. Some moments can’t be captured though – because with those moments come feelings and emotions and they’re better to be lived in real life as opposed to behind a camera. The “perfect picture” has become quite boring to me now. I quite like the candid crazy shots we have and I like not putting so much pressure on myself and my family to get an Instagram perfect picture. I love capturing memories to look back on, but instead of needing 100 pictures from the night, I limit it to a few now. This then limits my opportunity to scroll too! I’d love to carry a camera instead of a phone, but the inconvenience of it puts me off! Out of site, out of mind: I invested in some silicone pads that can stick to most surfaces to hold your phone. I have placed one in our living room on the side of one of the large speakers we have. After school, (mostly) I try and place my phone there and continue with the dinner and playing with the boys. I’ve noticed that if my phone isn’t in my site, I’m not actually tempted. Focus: I did at one point wonder I wanted to pack the blog and all my social media channels in, and to be honest, if it wasn’t for my Saajy, it would be a no brainer, but anytime I feel like packing it in, someone messages me a really deep message and I know that I need to be here. So instead of throwing in the towel, I decided to focus on just one social media channel – that will be Instagram. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I’m on the right track and I’ve really found myself. I want to enjoy my life in an enriching way and I am so excited to make it happen! … Here’s to a 2019 full of happy memories that I view without the filter of a camera lens, more face to face interaction and a simpler life!