Author: Harps

Hi I'm Harps – a vegetarian British born Indian mummy to two little princes - one who happens to have Down's syndrome! Welcome to my blog!
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The First Year with Your Baby with Down Syndrome – A Physiotherapist’s View (Sparkles) | Guest Post

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll definitely be familiar with the Sparkles charity – a charity that offers early intervention for children with Down Syndrome in order to give them the best shot at life. We’re currently fund raising for Sparkles, if you’d like to support the cause, you can purchase raffle tickets here.

For us, Sparkles has given us much more than just extra physiotherapy and speech and language therapy for Saajan, they have uplifted us when we’ve felt deflated or when progress seemed slow – Debbie is always so quick to champion Saajan’s victories and redirect our attention to what he HAS achieved. It feels like we’re all part of a very loving family and we are so eternally grateful to Debbie for always celebrating Saajan so hard. She’s full of love, passion, patience and wisdom – her love for what she does shines through at every single session. Debbie often reminds us that although Saajan’s physical development may seem slow, he’s doing so well with non verbal communication.

 

Equally Saajan always has a great time at speech and language with Mel and Louise – it may seem odd that he attends speech and language therapy at such a young age (from when he was 10 months) when he’s unable to talk but early intervention is key as children with Down syndrome will usually experience challenges with communication. The speech and language therapy focuses on helping the child to talk, but also covers the essential skills needed to communicate effectively through music, songs, turn taking, phonics and tongue control exercise.

The best bit? Both Debbie and Mel always welcome Arjun to our sessions who loves to get involved and tells me how proud he is of his brother afterwards!

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Debbie has kindly taken the time to share her wisdom with you all – I hope it helps new parents who may have recently given birth to a child with Down Syndrome or delayed development.

Hello, my name is Debbie Beneke and I am a children’s physiotherapist who has a special interest in working with children with Downs syndrome. In fact, I currently have over 150 contact sessions per year with babies and children with Downs syndrome. Harps has very kindly asked me to contribute to her site. At first, I felt a bit overwhelmed about where I would start, and what I would say. I have decided to start at the very beginning.

As I am a physiotherapist I guess I am going to be talking about movement, particularly gross motor movement. This is the movement of the larger muscles of your body, which enable you to physically move around your environment.

BUT

Child development is not broken down into areas. It is not linear, it does not happen in isolation in a straight line of progression!

Actually, it looks more like this.

 

At the same time that your baby is learning to move, your baby is also learning to manage their communication systems, their auditory systems and their sensory systems. This is important to remember because if, for example, your child is faced with a loss of opportunity to be experiencing movement because they have had cardiac surgery, or they have been unwell, this does not mean that their development grinds to a complete halt. It is often the case that children who have had missed opportunities for gross motor development will have really flourished on their fine motor skills or their non-verbal communication skills.

The very first control that your baby will need to learn is head control. The head is the largest and heaviest part of the body and it rules and defines all movement. Your baby will not be able to move themselves up into a sitting position if they cannot control their head. Once your baby has head control, they can then look to gain control of their trunk, shoulder girdle and pelvis. Slowly we will see your child lifting their head, lifting their legs and then starting to roll over. These are all really, really important skills that start to strengthen up the trunk and pelvic muscles, which are all key for sitting. Rolling over onto their tummy, and pushing up onto outstretched arms are key for strengthening the shoulder girdle and head and trunk control in readiness for crawling. It is always worthwhile spending time on mastering floor skills. There is no rush. Once your child can sit with good head control, they can start to engage independently with the world around them. Play is how your child will learn about their immediate environment. A child will find it difficult to engage with their surroundings if they are propped in a standing position. Whereas functional sitting, where they can reach out from their firm base of support for toys and make choices and explore, is far more beneficial for exploring and learning.

If you build a good foundation of floor skills, your child’s ability to move from the floor all the way up to standing on their two tiny feet, will be much easier for them to achieve.

If you understand that learning to move is a process of building blocks then the very next and single most important thing to do is to throw out the milestone chart. This serves no purpose whatsoever to you as a parent. It might be helpful to researchers and health care professionals but it is of limited value to you. The most important action as a parent is to get access to good advice, find out what your child’s very next building block is, and how you can offer opportunities to practice that. It is not a race to get up into walking. If your child is not walking by a year, it is not a reflection on your parenting skills. In fact, children who are placed in standing, before they are ready to stand, often take longer to achieve walking. Children who spend time on the floor building up their shoulder girdle control, their trunk control, their hip stability and go on to crawl and to engage in their environment, spend far less time mastering their walking skills.

In the first year, the overarching goal is to consolidate the floor skills which will allow your child to access their exciting, noisy and colourful surroundings. Ideally, the very first big goal on the horizon is crawling, not standing up and walking.

Drawing on my years of experience I am confident your beautiful baby will bring laughter, joy, connection and significant contribution. As the parent of your baby you are the expert. Enjoy learning alongside your baby and most importantly, celebrate with them. Celebrate their successes. Remember, it is not a race. When a milestone is achieved, do not look immediately to the next one.

Pause.

Celebrate.

Give time to consolidate and master.

Enjoy the journey, I know that I do.

Debbie Beneke BSc.MSc.MCSP

Specialist Children’s Physiotherapist

We’re currently fund raising for Sparkles, if you’d like to support the cause, you can purchase raffle tickets here.

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Toddler Football Classes with Sport4Kids | Review

With Arjun now at the age where he expresses preferences and desire to try things, we jumped at the chance when he decided he’d like to try football. We had tried when he was younger (about 1.5) but often found the lessons were unproductive as he lost interest midway through the lesson and also perhaps he just wasn’t ready.

We were recommended Sport4Kids by a few of our friends and decided to give it a go. They offer several types of sporting activity not only football which is brilliant if Arjun decides he’d like to also take up another activity. There are 15 venues in the area and over 70 classes to choose from including football, rugby, dance and cricket.

We attend the classes at the Langley branch with coach Karun, coach Raj and coach Dan who are sometimes joined by a junior coach. The thing I love most about the classes and the coaches is their passion and enthusiasm never seems to be running on a low tank! Their love for what they do really shines through.

The classes are structured predominantly by age – 18 months – 3 years, 3 – 5 years, 5 – 7 years and then up to 14 years in the academy where the children get to participate in the Sport4Kids tournament in their own team, the Langley Lions, in external leagues. There is a focus on progress and ability over the child’s age, therefore age is not a barrier to progression – classes are based on development. Each child has their own record book where progress is monitored and once they have achieved 80% of a particular level, they are awarded a certificate and are promoted to the next level.

 

As opposed to being a free play session, the lessons are structured and based upon a comprehensive curriculum for each sport. The classes have a set structure – parents get to do some free play at the start, then there is The Welcome Name Game, there is then a pulse raiser to get the children active quickly as a warm up, then a fun section where the kids get to practice counting and doing funny actions, this is followed by a technical section where the children learn a new skill, they then put it into action in an exercise and they finish the session with a game or scoring goals or tries and practice their celebrations!

The personal feel to each session is really nice – each coach knows the name of all the children present and they celebrate achievements with so much enthusiasm. They are so gentle with the children and help those that may struggle with a particular skill with so much patience. With the supportive approach they also adopt a disciplinary approach. For me, what differentiates this school from the others is the passion and love shown by the coaches – in turn it has a knock on effect on the children’s performance and love for the sport and desire to acquire a new skill. Their vibrant personalities are by no means a fluke, Sport4Kids coaches are carefully selected for their fun personalities and entertainment genes to keep the children involved and engaged all the time. All coaches receive a comprehensive 16 week training program to qualify and this includes the Sport4Kids University and in venue shadowing where they get to follow the senior coaches and feel part of the party atmosphere. The time and effort required in becoming a coach means that only dedicated and passionate ones exist!

 

“The Sport4Kids Way” takes world class technical skills from each sport and breaks them down into pillars to forma comprehensive curriculum. Each skills or technical movement is broken down further into mini and micro movements so they can identify the fundamental moor movements.

The Sport4Kids Way is to adopt some of the Montessori and child psychology and development techniques so that they provide the children with fun and games which teach them these mini motor skills. This is done as part of a story and through analogous learning techniques where children have fun and build up core muscle memory that helps them develop naturally. Having fun and engaging children builds their enjoyment and passion for sport whilst they learn the technical stuff. Children love mastering skills and this in turn builds confidence and progression. I love how the coaches think of creative ways to make the lessons fun and engaging for example using a football net as a fishing net and pretending the football is Nemo and asking the kids to “flick” (skill of the month) Nemo in to the net. Being fun and creative means children are more likely to stay engaged and will be learning without even realising it! 😉 I have already seen this in Arjun after 4 sessions.

   

Each child has their own record book which we call the Practice@Home Book. This has all the skills for a particular age group and grades their levels of achievement as they progress. Parents can see what their child is doing and helps them develop their own knowledge to help the child develop at home. Parents are involved as they teach the parents about Practicing@Home and helping their child develop their skills, confidence and passion for fun filled sport. After Arjun’s first lesson, he asked his daddy if they could buy a football and cones to practice in the garden – the energy in the sessions has definitely fuelled his desire to want to learn further.

Sport4Kids is a club so later when the kids get to be part of the Sport4Kids Teams parents can help manage the teams and are provided with comprehensive training and support all the way through. There is very much a family and friendly atmosphere.

When joining, you also receive a football kit – Arjun refuses to go to football without it on! I also often pair it with football leg warmers in the cooler months from Baby Brain Apparel.

Arj absolutely loves his football sessions and frequently practices what he’s learnt at home. He has come a long way in terms of confidence and skill and we look forward to watching him grow further!

Disclosure: This is a partnership post however all views expressed above are my own.

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Our Trip to JW Marriott Khao Lak (Phuket, Thailand With Emirates) | Review

Our trip to Thailand was definitely a spontaneous one! It was actually meant to be a trip to Mauritius but we ended up having to cancel two days before due to a cyclone hitting the beautiful island. We weren’t sure of what the aftermath of the cyclone would be so we decided to play it safe and change our destination. We will definitely be doing our trip to Mauritius one day! We’d planned on staying at the Constance Prince Maurice and the service we’d already received had been incredible.

We decided the world was our oyster … well the Emirates destination travel list was anyway! Preetam and I visited Thailand in 2013 (pre kids) and to date it was one of our favourite holidays – it’s full of culture, amazing food and the most scenic beaches. The only down side was that we only had 7 nights to spare this time so travelling around wouldn’t be an option. We were drawn to Thailand based on our previous experiences of the beautiful country and decided Phuket would be a good call – we’d not been before and the JW Marriott Khao Lak Resort seemed just right – boasting Asia’s longest pool at 1.9km, it was bound to be a winner with Arjun especially!

This was our first long haul flight with Saajan and as you may have gathered from our previous holidays, he hasn’t been great with flying so far – like his daddy, he gets cabin fever! We decided it would be wise to fly business class with two littles in tow and after the year we’ve had, why not! The extra space would be good for Saajan and also for Arjun to keep himself entertained.

The Flight(s)

Although flying Emirates meant we had a stopover flight, there was no give on our preferred airline – it’s definitely our absolute favourite airline and they definitely didn’t fail to live up to their reputation this time either. Their planes are adorned with such luxurious textures and fabrics, their service is impeccable and obviously there’s the added bonus of lots of space! You barely feel you’re on a flight! There’s also the added bonus of the seat converting to a bed for naps and play time for the kids.

Emirates business class service also provides customers with a chauffeur service in the UK and at many of its international destinations – Thailand included. All four chauffeur transfers included baby seats.

The Emirates lounge offers a range of hot and cold snacks – we had a quick bite prior to departure.

We definitely got lucky – on three out of four of our flights, Saajan ended up having his own seat as the flight wasn’t full which was especially handy for nap times!

The staff on the flight to Dubai were absolutely incredible – Fedi in particular ended up quite quickly developing a soft spot for Saajan and the feeling was mutual! He was incredibly helpful with assisting us with a fussy Saajan who wasn’t feeling great – he went out of his way to provide us with whatever he could to comfort Saajan. Not sure what we’d have done without him as for a lot of the flight he took Saajan when he seemed restless and entertained him at the bar with the other crew. Saajan was definitely pretty popular even among the other passenger!

On all flights, both kids were given a little goody bag – Arjun a colouring book, a Tiger erase away board and some stickers, Saajan a little backpack blanket and baby essentials such as a bib, cream, feeding spoon and wipes.

I was armed with a new in flight bag for Arjun to keep him entertained. I packed it with a host of things and definitely over packed! I packed a few new bits for each leg to keep him entertained but to be honest he was mostly entertained by the Lego on the way out! I’ll do a separate post on what I packed in his bag. Arj also enjoyed watching Cars 3 before he slept.

We had a two hour stop over in Dubai where we quickly freshened up, changed the boys clothes and had a quick snack at the lounge before boarding our next flight. Surprisingly we weren’t dreading our next flight as like I said, it didn’t feel like we’d been on a plane despite Saajan being a little grumpy.

Emirates have strollers at Dubai airport which was particularly helpful. Arjun was pretty tired and fussed over wanting to sit in Saajan’s buggy (we have a Baby Zen YoYo), so we grabbed an additional one from the airport free of charge for Saajan.

By the second leg, Preetam and I were pretty tired but Arjun was far too excited about going on holiday to fall asleep till the very end! Saajan was also struggling with a nasty cough making him extra grumpy. It was quite exhausting!

We arrived at Thailand at 8am meaning we’d lost a whole night (we left the day before at 9.30am). There was a 1 hour 15 minutes drive to our hotel and by the time we got there, we all crashed! Our first day was a little jumbled and we were all heavily jet lagged.

The Hotel

Upon our arrival to the hotel, we were eagerly greeted by a member of the reception staff who were expecting us. They were all so hospitable, friendly and informative – just what we needed for energy refueling after a long flight!

Once we’d settled in, Chef Sa (Assistant Head Chef at the resort) got in touch to get to know us and our palettes a little better! Throughout our holiday, she was absolutely incredible – she’d always be there to check in on us and to ensure we were served delicious food and dishes were created from scratch if required to ensure we were offered a range of different foods. We were really grateful for Chef Sa’s efforts in aiming to satisfy us, the efforts of her and her team really paid off and made our stay even more enjoyable. The hotel was amazing at preparing food that wasn’t specifically on the menu to meet our needs which was particularly helpful with the children.

Given we only booked Thailand a few days before arriving, the service we received via email by the various departments was remarkable. All our requirements were met without any hassle such as early check in and providing a baby bottle steriliser as well as a stool for Arjun to be able to reach the sink. They responded promptly and were eager to help us where possible.

The Room
We went for a family lagoon pool access room as we thought a room with direct access to the swimming pool would be perfect for us with a toddler and baby as while Saajan napped we could easily go straight in to the room without it stopping from Arjun continuing with one of us. We found it super convenient and the added foliage outside our balcony meant we had a little privacy.

The room is made up of dark brown mahogany and white shades. The dark shades kept the room quite cool which was helpful in the 30 degree heat! I do think the main bedroom and lounge area could do with a giant mirror – just to open up the room further and who doesn’t love a mirror?! I loved the cleanliness of the room – it definitely met my standards! Housekeeping were so thorough and always very helpful – they were definitely in tune with our needs and ensured we were provided with 12 bottles of water daily!

      

   

  

I loved the bathroom decor with its luxurious cream marble. There as a separate shower which was huge and was definitely the best shower I’ve used in my life – so powerful! The double sink was handy as we used one for washing Saajan’s bottles.

We found that the family room wasn’t as spacious as a suite at other hotels such as the Lopesan Boabab in Gran Canaria or the suites at Sheraton Fuerteventura and therefore we struggled with space a little. For example there wasn’t enough storage space for all of our clothes (I didn’t overpack … that much!) nor for our empty suitcases. I also struggled in the bathroom with laying out our toiletries and my make up and I wasn’t able to put my make up bits in the living and bedroom area as there were no mirrors.

Swimming Pools
We mainly used the river pool that wraps itself around the entire property. Its like a lazy river without a current. Its 1m deep for the most part but does go up to 1.8m deep in small pockets. We really loved having a swim up room – it meant there was no faffing with packing a pool bag and there was no worrying about running back to the room. There is also an infinity pool which we didn’t use very much. There are two pool bars which added to the convenience of keeping the toddler hydrated!

 

  

A beautiful little touch is that every day (provided the weather permits) there’s a little boat that comes around the pool serving soft drinks and fresh coconut right to your door step!

Breakfast
Breakfast offered a large selection of continental and international cuisine. The omelettes were by far the best we’ve ever had. They were cooked perfectly and the flavours of the vegetables were delicious!

The tables at the Waterfront restaurant where breakfast is served are huge which was so helpful with the kids – Arjun always grabs a host of plates with an assortment of food and Saajan tries to grab everything and anything within his reach! The view from the Waterfront restaurant is that of the beach and it’s absolutely breath taking – especially to start your day off with.

Restaurants
There are several dining options at the JW Marriott Khao Lak which is really convenient especially with children. The wide variety of cuisine offered is also really outstanding – there’s something for everyone. The restaurants include the Olive, a Mediterranean restaurant; Sakura, a Japanese restaurant; Ta Krai, a Thai restaurant and the Waterfront, international cuisine; Deli, offering a range of sandwiches, pastries, ice creams and hot drinks as well as fresh juices; Czar Lobby Bar; Beach Bar, offering quick bites. The hotel also offers two pool bars – the Infinity Pool Bar and the Aquamarine Pool Bar – Arjun was definitely a frequent user of this one for his daily pineapple juice!

Olive Restaurant
We ventured to the Olive restaurant on our first night and were greeted by Chef Enzo. Before I speak about the food, the view was absolutely breathtaking from the outdoor seating – we got to witness the most beautiful sunset which painted the sky a beautiful mix of pinks and oranges. It really was like a postcard picture! The setting at the restaurant was beautiful – there was a gorgeous ambience with the tree stump candles and tube LED lighting.

After a long flight and severe jet lag, we weren’t sure what we fancied eating, we decided to leave Chef Enzo to work his magic! He came up with a beautiful starter – a bed of Italian salads using a variation of Italian cheeses which were absolutely divine! In addition he also created for us a medley of various vegetables on a platter. The ingredients were so fresh and the infusion of flavours worked so well – you could taste each and every ingredient but they worked so well together.

We were pretty stuffed after starters and requested a light main. Chef Enzo came up with a trio of vegetarian pastas – pesto gnocchi, tomato ravioli and olive oil chili ravioli. All were exquisite but my favorite was the olive oil chili ravioli.

 

Ta Krai
Chef Sa reserved us a table by the pond with beautiful views of the sunset overlooking the infinity pool for dinner at the Thai restaurant. Chef Mama Du, Head Chef at the Thai restaurant, came to personally meet us and suggested her favourites for us – we went for the vegetable spring rolls which were so refreshing and tasty – a little different to your traditional deep fried spring rolls! Vegetable tempura – oh so crunchy! For mains I went for a Thai green curry with vegetarian pad thai and Preetam went for a fish red curry. Both were delicious – amazing what a difference there is with authentic food! Dessert was deep fried battered banana with ice cream – I LOVED it.

Deli
We often stopped off at the Deli to grab an ice cream or a fresh juice or in the evening after dinner for a hot drink and cheeky slice of cake! It’s a casual little place but be warned it’s pretty cool compared to the other restaurants!

Beach Front
We dined at the beach front restaurant one evening for a casual one. Chef Sa had her team whip us up vegetarian quesadillas loaded with beans and vegetables which were delicious – all while watching the sunset. Arjun in particular had fun dancing to the entertainment! We often used the beach front bar during the day when lounging at the beach – they do lots of snacks from fried rice, French fries to nachos.

  

Beach
The beach offers absolutely breath taking views which pictures do no justice! One of my favourite things to do was to lie on a hammock and take in the scenic view of the different shades of blue.

The sea was a lovely warm temperature making it the perfect spot to “catch waves” for Arjun. He absolutely loved spending time in the sea with daddy and building sandcastles with the family. The sand was soft and you’d often see little crabs scurrying about.

The sun beds on the beach were often occupied from quite early on so we never really managed to get any but Arjun had no interest in lying around on a sun bed anyway! He was always either in the sea or building sandcastles. We’d take Saajan for a little while to play in the sand, catch some waves and take him in. He loved smashing down mini sandcastles!

 

   

 

Quan Spa
The resort has an onsite spa much to my delight! Asia, Thailand in particular, is renowned for its’ world class massages (amongst other things!). I was lucky enough to be treated by the hotel to two massages (Preetam gifted me his – good husband!). My first masseuse was Roong – I went for a deep tissue full body massage. It was absolutely AMAZING. I felt so light afterwards – it was without a doubt the best massage I’ve ever had in my life! The spa surroundings are tranquil and peaceful making it the perfect setting for some relaxation time. I found the whole experience from start to finish really rejuvenating and it was just what I needed.

 

Private Family Cooking Course

We were truly spoilt at the resort – Chef Sa kindly arranged a private family Thai cooking course for Preetam, Arjun and I. Usually, children under 10 are unable to attend the cooking course, but they made a huge exception for us and Chef Sa and Chef Mama Du put in place many measures to ensure Arjun could attend in a safe environment – Chef Lynn joined as his right hand woman so he had one to one supervision. We are so eternally grateful for the opportunity as Arjun had specifically asked to go on a cooking course while on holiday. The personalised service was impeccable!

It was the first time Mama Du had hosted a vegetarian cooking course and she’d customised our menu to include what we said we’d like to learn. The course was really informative and Mama Du explained everything with so much patience and love – you could really see her love for cooking and its clear to see why all the chefs at the resort often turn to her for her wisdom and wealth of knowledge in flavours and foods she’s acquired over her career and childhood.

Our menu was:

  •  Papaya salad: I was a little apprehensive about this as the combination sounds odd but it was so delicious! The infusion of garlic and chili with papaya was absolutely amazing!
  • Thai green tofu curry: because we would be crazy to go to Thailand and not learn the “proper” way to cook this delight! The combination of fresh produce and Mama Du’s guidance resulted in an amazing curry – it was delicious!
  • Sweet and sour tofu: Recently Preetam and I went to the film festival in Vienna where we tried the most divine sweet and sour tofu. It was amazing beyond words and it’s become our thing to try and hunt to find something that comes even close – to date we’ve failed! After Mama Du’s tips and recipe, we’ve now definitely come very close – we just need to tweak our sauces slightly!
  • Vegetable Pad Thai: We were really surprised with the amount of ingredients that go in to Pad Thai to form the base. Something I’ve always wanted to master. We were all pleased with our results – especially Arjun who wolfed his down!
  • Sweet banana in coconut syrup: another surprise medley of flavours!

We were so grateful to have access to Chef Mama Du’s wealth of knowledge and for the resort taking the time to provide us with a course that Arjun could attend and which he thoroughly enjoyed! A big thank you to Chef Lynn and Chef Mama Du for taking such good care of Arjun and for being so patient. We have definitely come home armed with a lot more knowledge on Thai cooking the authentic way!

 

       

      

   

     

During the course, to ensure Saajan had one to one care, we hired a babysitter from the hotel who initially joined us at the cooking course – Saajan warmed very quickly to Mae and once we were comfortable with her, we allowed her to take Saajan to the kids club for a little while. Arjun joined later. Based on our experience with Mae, we’d highly recommend the babysitting facility available at the hotel. The kid’s club facilities were also fantastic – Arjun enjoyed building towers, playing in the soft play play gym and colouring pictures for us.

 

On Site Nurses Centre

Another brilliant service the hotel offers is a nurses centre which is open daily – one which we ended up utilising when Saajan was feeling a little under the weather. They were able to check his pulse and oxygen on site which was really helpful.

As well as the hotel facilities, we decided to venture out to show the kids a bit of Thai culture and do a spot of shopping to the Bang Niang Night Market which is open on Mondays and till late on Saturdays and Wednesdays. The market was so buzzing and Saajan in particular absolutely loved the atmosphere.

When we visited Thailand in 2013, I struggled to find vegetarian street food (probably wasn’t looking in the right places!) but was ecstatic to stumble upon local veggie finds this time! Potato spirals on a stick, corn on the cob and fresh fried spring rolls were absolutely divine! We also enjoyed a banana and Nutella roti – a Thai specialty.

The market is full of clothing, shoes, dupe make up and lots of souvenirs! Be prepared to haggle!

 

 

Our flights back with the kids were really good (surprisingly!) – both played nicely and napped well. Saajan was brilliant on the way back – I was really pleased given our past experience! In total we travelled for 21 hours.

We enjoyed our stay so much at the JW Marriott and would definitely return back – the service was second to none and we all had a beautiful family holiday creating lots of memories to last a lifetime!

 

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post in the form of remuneration or in exchange for a product or service. However all views expressed above are my own.

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Down Syndrome Diaries | Looking Back

 

When I first found out that Saajan had Down Syndrome, I had a perception of what it was – accounts like Karen’s for her son Caleb who are much further along in their journey prove me wrong on a daily basis. Oh how naive I was!

A while back, I asked Karen to share her initial journey to now to give other parents hope like she has given me. Karen and her husband embraced this beautiful new journey from the get go – they feel it has expanded their world vision as opposed to entering a totally new world – I love that!

 

Karen:

I was asked a couple weeks ago by an IG friend about our early days with Caleb. Where was my head back then? How did I process the diagnosis, and what happened after that? What were my hopes and dreams for Caleb, and did they change after his diagnosis? This sweet mama is concerned about her child’s development and what the future might look like. Of course she is, because she cares for her child. It’s a natural parental instinct – for every one of our children, but more so if your child has a disability. The default for almost every parent when they learn they are expecting is that they will have a typical “healthy” child. If you happen to be surprised by a disability diagnosis, unless you’ve had an opportunity to interact with someone with a disability/condition/difference, you really don’t know much about any of it all initially.
I like to say that Caleb’s birth didn’t thrust us into a new world, but actually expanded our world vision to include others that had not been part of it (much, sadly) before that (hopefully more inclusion is helping with that!). It was a shock, for sure. But I really had no preconceived notions about him before his birth. We knew he was a boy, and that was about it. I didn’t have dreams that he would be the President, a professional athlete, an actor, an artist, a musician, etc. We were just thankful for this bonus baby, and took things day by day.

As such, we didn’t have that difficult of a time with his diagnosis. No mourning of the baby that we thought we’d have, because our minds hadn’t gone there. We dove in and got to work. Perhaps the fact that we were older parents and had raised children before helped? Who knows. I just know that even early on, we knew he was a blessing, not a burden. We celebrated his life! And wanted others to too! We were eager to learn everything we could to help him learn and grow.

 

We’ve had struggles, of course. What parent doesn’t? Our struggles are different with Caleb than they were with Courtney. She was quick to learn, a smart cookie. She tested out as being Gifted, even. Everything was fairly easy with her. Caleb, on the other hand, was late with so many things – walking, talking, etc. But we just kept plugging away. Trying to expose him to as many situations and opportunities as possible. When he started soccer at three years old, he had just started walking, so kicking or anything else was quite a stretch. But we kept going to practice. He mostly sat and watched, but we felt it was productive, being there. We were exposing him to new friends and new activities, and in talking with parents who were there, we were learning from those who had been on “the journey” a bit longer than us. He didn’t participate much that year, but the next year, he was right in there with the other little ones.

One of the best things, for us, when Caleb was young, was our local Down Syndrome Association. Ten (almost eleven) years ago, the DSDN was not around. Facebook was relatively new; our online support was limited to BabyCenter (which was very helpful BTW). But those early days of connecting with other local parents who were in our shoes helped so much. We shared our struggles, and our successes. We had playdates, and workshops. We learned together and supported each other. And now, all this time later, we are still friends through this common denominator called Down syndrome.

What were some of our biggest fears back then? I think it’s safe to say that Acceptance has always been a concern. It’s one of the reasons why we worked (and still do) work on appropriateness with Caleb. Being polite, having proper etiquette, social skills. They will take you a long way in life, and it’s no different with someone with a disability. Certainly, there are social cues that he will never “get”, subtleties that even some typical people don’t pick up on. But for the most part, he is pretty good in public, unless he’s tired or not feeling well.

Speech and language was another concern, especially as he gets older. Caleb does speak, although sometimes Mom or Dad has to be the interpreter 😊 Caleb’s had Speech and Language Therapy since he was a baby … gong on 10 years now. We still work on it – daily. Again, exposing him to situations and activities helps, but I feel as though he might always struggle with this area. It’s a tough one for most of our kids.

His strengths? His big beautiful smile, certainly. His love of life, of enjoying each moment. He loves sports, he is a good friend and great encourager. He is quite social. He is a great traveler. He loves to dance, and to cook with his dad. Having worked “in the field” for some years now, I’m aware that using his strengths is something we can (and will) be doing to consider job opportunities for the future. His future? Who knows? Maybe something with a culinary program. Maybe a restaurant, like Tim Harris! Maybe working for Publix, a great company that both his dad and I have worked at. Maybe college, or a trade school. Options such as these are growing by leaps and bounds for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. We look to the future with excitement for Caleb, and will encourage him in whatever path he might choose for himself.

So, here we are, on the verge of ELEVEN. What’s that saying about the days go by slowly, but the years speed past? SO true. How can it be? The future looms closer than ever before. Looking back, however, I can say that parenting Caleb has been quite a journey so far. Challenging, rewarding, fun, joyful, difficult. Filled with adventures and disappointments, but always filled with love.

Would we change Caleb if we could? Would we take away the Down syndrome? No way. Even with all the hard times and struggles, Down syndrome is just part of Caleb. He wouldn’t be Caleb without it. We love our son – just the way he is. His life is absolutely worth living and I will continue to shout that to the skies as long as I am able.

My advice to parents of younger ones with Ds? Keep up the good work. Look for support when you need it, be the support when you can. I know what it’s like, but I also know when you look in your child’s eyes, that amazing love that radiates out. They are worth it, every single baby.

Peace,

Karen

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Sheraton Fuerteventura … Our Incredible First Holiday as a Family of Four!

It was our first holiday as a family of four. To say I was nervous to travel with a tornado toddler and a teething baby is an understatement! Preetam had wanted to venture out to paradise – somewhere like Jamaica. I’d suggested perhaps testing out travelling as a four on a shorter journey destination first! Also being so close to Christmas and Saajan’s first birthday, I didn’t fancy suffering with a week out due to jet lag and confused babies! We decided to go to Fuerteventura as it’s close, there’s no time difference and it’s a fab destination for a bit of winter sun. We were so impressed with Gran Canaria, we thought we’d try our another canary island!

We flew out via Gatwick simply as there were no flights from Heathrow on a Saturday. A blessing in disguise as we were so impressed with the hospitality and friendliness of the staff in addition to their extra service provided to families. The check in lady was absolutely lovely in reassuring Arjun that he’d be reunited with his luggage at the other end – he was having a melt down as he wanted to take our luggage on board the plane with us. We’ve done this so many times before, no idea what ticked him off this time!

There is a separate queue for families at security at Gatwick which we were so pleased about – we literally walked through and Arjun behaved so well – he had calmed down thanks to the check in lady (I really should have got her name!) who had gifted him with stickers. Again once you’ve walked through security, children are given stickers keeping him busy for a little longer!

In departures there’s also a soft play Kid Zone to keep them entertained while you wait which he played in for a while before he had a quick Nando’s breakfast.

We travelled with British Airways and thankfully it wasn’t a full flight – most of the back of the plane was empty which meant we had ample room to give the kids some space.

We’d ridiculously left the iPad at home by mistake so picked up a mini Samsung tablet (we’ve been meaning to get one anyway) at the airport. The iPad is used at times of desperation and as a last resort but given I was so so nervous about flying alone with a one to one ratio with the kids, I felt like I needed it!

I’d also picked up Arjun a small aeroplane set from the airport – it was actually really hard finding any toy so I settled for something with lots of parts – he loves role play and I knew it’d provide him with hours of fun.

Food wise we bought pasta and a few snacks from the airport for both the boys as we knew the food on board isn’t always great for kids.

Arjun was actually a dream onboard the flight (I wish I could say the same about the return trip!). He shared his toys with a very sweet girl on the plane, ate nicely and we didn’t even need the iPad/tablet!!! I couldn’t believe it! And he did that without sleeping a wink!

Saajan on the other hand was a bit of a pickle – just like his daddy, he can’t stand even the lightest bit of crowded heat! Preetam took him to the back of the plane to lay down where he was much happier and cooler!

Saajan was similar on the way back and Arjun was so so bored and wasn’t as interested in his magazine, the tablet or any toys! Thankfully it was a short flight!

Prior to arriving at the Sheraton Fuerteventura, I’d been conversing with them over email. They were beyond helpful with adhering to our needs. We were provided with all that we requested – a baby bath tub, a cot and a bottle steriliser. I found the staff very helpful and accommodating and it really did make our life a lot easier.

 

We went for a sea view junior suite for the extra room with the boys. The rooms are spacious but unlike most suites, this hotel combined the lounge and bedroom in to one separating the two with a television in the middle of the room. It took a little getting used to but actually combining the two meant that the entire space actually got used.

We were provided with an extra bed for Arjun (which he used to play on) and a cot for Saajan. Saajan was happy to sleep in his cot and Arjun jumped in to our giant bed (just like he does at home!). The bed was super comfy.

There was a dressing room which held all of our clothes – I loved how it was separated in to its own little room and it was large enough to store all of our clothed plus our suitcases.

The bathroom was separated over three rooms/areas. The one directly next to the dressing room contained a large room and mirrors and a his and hers sink area. There was then a glass wall separating that area from the bath tub which we used to give the boys a bath – it also had a Jacuzzi. There was also a shower included in this room. There was another small wall between the bathing area and the toilet which included a bidet.

Though the room was spacious, it could definitely do with some TLC – for example the bath tub required silicone and the ceiling had damp marks. The room also felt quite dated and dust had collected in the corners.

The location of this hotel was perfect for us. it made everything so so easy. The hotel is located on the beach and there’s a lovely walk way along the beach which we walked along every single morning. The beach was pleasant – there is a charge for the sun loungers but we were happy to sit closer to the sea on towels and enjoy the sea breeze while building sand castles! Thebeach was never crowded and we never had any issues finding a spot. There is a small shopping centre which has a Spar about a 5 minute walking distance from the hotel which we used frequently – one afternoon we picked up fresh baguettes, cheese, coleslaw and some salad and had our own picnic on the beach! There are a few restaurants at the shopping centre – we used the Indian one, Shivam Indian Restaurant, a few times as Arjun loves his desi food and we also ate at the Italian restaurant, Panna & Pomodoro, on the top floor which was delicious and had generous portions.

Given our mediocre experience of food in Gran Canaria, we didn’t have high expectations of the food at our Fuerteventura hotel but we were blown away by their dinner buffet! It was one of the best dinner buffets we’ve had – we really enjoyed their vegetable pie and quiche, the fresh selection of salads and vegetables and their chocolate bread and butter pudding was amazing!

The breakfast had a good selection for vegetarians – cooked breakfast, cheese, cereals and breads. I’d highly recommend their potato rostis! Delicious! There was also a selection of fresh juices and smoothies each morning. They also had ready made baby food jars.

 

The restaurant staff were incredibly friendly especially towards the kids – Ali and Diego in particular made a huge effort and it made the experience so much nicer.

I loved the outdoor landscaping at the hotel – I definitely have a preferred hotel type and this fit the bill! I love the large rocks and carved cave like feel surrounding the swimming pool. I also loved that the kids pool was right next to the main pool making it much easier for us to manage. There is a heated pool which was definitely required as there was a breeze. the kids pool is not heated so we didn’t take Saajan in there for long however Arjun didn’t seem to feel it at all! One of the things we loved most about this hotel was the number of sun beds and four poster loungers available – there was an abundance and there was no need to reserve beds and nor was it ever over crowded. we spoke to a few families that were visiting while we were who have stayed here previously and they said that even during school holidays there’s no need to reserve beds which was great to hear. There was no poolside food or drink service however there is a restaurant located right next to the pool and they were happy to deliver the food to your lounger if you ordered at the restaurant.

   

 

The hotel has a kids club located by the tennis court and the mini golf course, however as we went off peak, there wasn’t much going on and Arjun seemed much happier playing by the pool or building sandcastles at the beach!

 

The weather during December is around 19-23 degrees but there was a constant breeze requiring us to wrap up warm in the mornings and evenings and sometimes during the day. I’d recommend packing for all seasons when travelling to Fuerteventura during December. It’s known as the windy island even when it’s not winter! Our friends had warned us that some days would be cooler than others and had recommended we hire a car – we are so glad we did!

We managed to pick up a Hyundai i30 for a week including two car seats for £150 which was a bargain. We managed to visit several places and it gave us freedom to venture out as opposed to being stuck in doors on the days where it wasn’t suitable to be by the pool.

We visited the Oasis Safari Park which was one of the nicest zoo’s I’ve visited. it was a spontaneous decision on our first day and we had such a great time. The boys loved watching the sea lion show and it was our first time at a botanical garden full of different cactus’. Arjun’s favourite was seeing the crocodiles and Saajan’s was definitely watching the sea lions! You are also able to buy animal food to feed several animals while there.

The highlight of my trip was visiting the sand dunes – it was absolutely breath taking! There are miles of untouched white sand. We decided to stop off so that Preetam could have a quick splash in the sea. We ended up having a few hours of fun building sandcastles with literally only a lifeguard there. it was so peaceful and tranquil and it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I felt really close to nature – away from all the hustle and bustle and stresses of life!

The country feels really spacious and not heavily populated – it felt really different to other places we’ve visited in that everywhere we went, we found we had ample space – the swimming pool, the beaches and even the roads.

We also visited Callejero – it had a market which had lots of clothing and handbags, larger shops and lots of food places. We stopped off at Hamburguesa where we had a beetroot falafel burger – the burgers were HUGE! They’re all homemade and tasted so good!

We also did a road trip to the mountains where we experienced breath taking views and got to see thousands of cute little squirrels.

Another top place to visit is Ajuy, the view was lovely but I’m not a fan of the rough black sand – Arjun was indifferent!

We would most definitely return to Fuerteventura and would stay at the Sheraton. We had a fantastic first family holiday as just us four where we created so many beautiful memories!

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Veggie Mince Deep Dish Lasagne Recipe With Asda

Christmas is one of my favourite times of year but boy oh boy do I feel sluggish after. It’s pretty common for a lot of us to start the new year on some sort of a health kick (let’s see how long mine lasts!). I dislike the idea of purely eating salads and cold foods during the cooler months – I’ve always been someone that needs to have a hearty meal to feel satisfied!

I decided to share one of my healthy(ish) recipes of deep dish vegetarian lasagne in collaboration with Asda. I decided to try and make a healthy meal on a budget (still on mat pay and wiped out after Christmas!) to feed the whole family (plus an extra 3!). I opted for all ASDA own brand products where possible as I wanted to see whether there’d be a difference in taste. I sourced all the ingredients for this recipe listed below, plus the sides from Asda in Hayes. I love Asda for their fresh quality produce as well as their kid’s clothing!

Preetam is a gym fanatic and needs his daily dose of protein – this meal also ticks that box as it’s primary ingredient is veggie mince.

Enjoy!

Ended up being enough for about 6-8 people! Under £30 is an absolute bargain.

Prep time: 30 minutes

Cooking time: 30 minutes

Serves: 6-8 people

Ingredients:

Cheese sauce:

  • 700ml milk
  • 50g butter
  • 150g medium cheddar cheese
  • 7 tablespoon plain flour
  • 1 teaspoon oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon mustard powder

Mince mix:

  • 2 packets Asda veggie mince (1kg in total)
  • 5 cloves garlic (crushed)
  • 2 x 735g jars Asda garlic and tomato pasta sauce
  • 1 x 500g Asda chilli and garlic pasta bake sauce jar
  • 1 x diced red pepper
  • 1.5 teaspoon red chilli powder (add more if you like spice)
  • 2 teaspoon salt
  • 250g sliced mushrooms
  • 1 large diced onion
  • 1 x 250g tub mixed beans

And:

  • 1 x packet of Asda’s fresh lasagne sheets (you can use any)
  • 2 x sliced tomatoes
  • 30g of cheddar cheese to sprinkle at the end

Method:
1. Dice the onions, mushrooms and pepper


2. Add 1 tablespoon of oil to a large saucepan and shallow fry the onions and crushed garlic till golden brown


3. Add in the peppers and mushrooms and cook for a few minutes. Don’t over cook as we want the peppers to have a little bit of a bite to them.


4. Stir in the veggie mince, mixing well.
5. Add in the tomato and pasta bake sauce and the salt and red chilli powder and mix well for 10 minutes.

6. Stir in the beans mixing well.


7. In a separate pan, heat the milk on medium heat and add in the flour and butter and whisk fast. As the butter melts and the flour begins to disappear as the mixture comes to the boil, it will begin to thicken.


8. Once the sauce bubbles, add in the cheese, mustard powder and oregano and mix until the cheese melts.
9. Next spoon in a layer of the veggie mince mixture in to a large rectangle Pyrex dish, cover with a layer of lasagne sheets and cover with a layer of the cheese sauce.

10. Repeat step 9 again, once done, place a layer of tomatoes and sprinkle with the remaining cheddar cheese.

11. Place in the oven at 140c for 30-40 minutes. We use a low heat so the lasagne sheets cook through.


12. Voila!

 

Serve with a creamy coleslaw salad (Asda’s ready chopped lettuce and mixed leaves, spring onions, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, carrot, red onion, sweet corn, coleslaw and croutons) and garlic baguette and potato wedges for a hearty meal!

 

Using Asda’s own branded products, I was able to produce this meal to feed 6-8 people for just under £30! An absolute bargain for a wholesome and hearty healthy meal! And it tasted just as good as branded products.

 

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post in the form of remuneration or in exchange for a product or service. However all views expressed above are my own.

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Safety 1st Timba Wooden High Chair | Review

We used the Hauck Sit and Relax high chair with Arjun purely because it was one of the few that enabled a slightly reclined option for younger babies – we started weaning Arjun at 4.5 months.

We decided to use the same seat for Saajan. Although we started weaning him at 6 months, as he has low muscle tone (part of his extra chromosome!), it took him a little longer to sit up unsupported so this seat worked well.

When we were contacted by the lovely folk at Safety 1st to review their Timba Wooden High Chair we decided it was a good opportunity for a switch. Firstly, he seemed to be getting upset at nursery during meal times and we weren’t sure if it was because the wooden chair they use was quite different to what he was used to at home. Secondly, I like that this high chair resembles a chair more than the one we were using and thirdly, I love the minimalist design which seemed like it’d be a lot easier to clean encouraging me to try our baby led weaning more often!

The chair was simple to assemble – it took Preetam about 15 minutes to do. It features a detachable tray – perfect for washing up, a three point safety harness – something we definitely need with Saajan to stop him from sliding out and an adjustable footstool – Saajan’s is currently set to the first step but it means the seat can grow with him! It helps him to keep his legs grounded rather than swinging them about enabling him to focus on eating.

The chair is suitable from 6 months to 9/10 years as it transforms from a high chair to a junior seat by removing the tray and harness.

Though the seat build means that Saajan has to sit up right and support himself, it means he doesn’t slouch and his posture is a lot better than when in a seat where he can lie back. This has helped him focus more on the food on his tray and also encourages a better swallow. Saajan has really taken to his new high chair and seems to feel more comfortable being in it for meal times though the amount of time he can spend in it is less than a seat with padding that he can lay back in. We are happy with this though as it means he’ll have more structured (and hopefully productive!) meal times.

Another feature we love is that it’s not too bulky which means it slides under the dining table as a regular chair and the tray is the correct height to slide over the dining table meaning he’s able to sit at the table properly with us.

I really love the minimalist design – it blends in so well with our kitchen and I love that it’s made out of wood! It’s very easy to clean.

The only downside is that there is no storage space on the high chair for bibs and wipes. Also there is no rim around the tray next to the baby so Saajan sometimes slides his food off the chair while trying to grasp it.

All in all we are very happy with our new Hugh hair. It’s brilliant value for money – there are similar high chairs available on the market for triple the price of the Safety 1st one, however this one does the job just right! We’d definitely recommend it and we are so pleased it’s helped us introduce baby led weaning more successfully.

Disclosure: this post is sponsored in the form of remuneration or in exchange for a product or service. However all views stated above are my own.

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The Pullpots Punjabi Reading Books Series Review

As you’ve probably gathered, it’s really important to me that my children are well cultured and also learn to read, write and speak Punjabi so that one day they can pass it on to their children. It also means that if they ever wanted to recite Paat (prayers) they can – I remember being taken to Punjabi school by my dad when younger and begrudgingly going. He promised me one day I’d appreciate it. He was right – I do. Through some of my trials and tribulations, the only thing that has gotten me through is prayer. I’m grateful I was taught to read and write Punjabi as I’m able to now recite my paat.

When Kiran contacted me to ask if we’d be happy to receive copies of her new books, obviously I was excited! – We’ve reviewed books written by Kiran in the past and we loved them! She had a special request this time though – for my dad (his first blogging gig!) to be a part of the review. All opinions below are that of both my dad and I.

The books we were sent; The Pullpots Rasoi and The Pullpots Road Trip are the next level to the foundation level books we were previously sent and are based on the Vidya reading scheme.

The Pullpots Rasoi book is a level 1 punjabi reading book with simple illustrations and simple sentences relating to the kitchen. Rather than a story book, the book has short punchy unrelated sentences. Each sentence serves a dual purpose – eg “Paani da jug” means “a jug full of water” – describing the word water and jug in one sentence. The simplicity of this book makes it impactful. Though we still need to get a move on with teaching Arjun the punjabi alphabet (still working on phonics with English!), I’m really excited to have a simple book which teaches every day words making it very relatable. Kiran chose not to include English phonetic translation in the books to avoid children focusing on what they’re comfortable with rather than pouring their efforts in to reading Gurmukhi.

 

The Pullpots Road Trip is a level 2 book. Arjun is miles off being able to read it but he loved being read it. I absolutely adore this book in particular as the book is a simple story about going on a road trip admiring the scenery and eating a picnic lunch with your grandparents. This book resonates so much with us as Arjun and Saajan spend a lot of time with their grandparents. The illustrations are again simple but vibrant and the sentences are short and punchy but the book flows as a story.

Both my dad and I would highly recommend both books. They introduce children to a range of every day words and sentences in Punjabi and make learning fun! You can purchase yours here.

Look out for our insta giveaway coming soon!

Disclosure: this is a sponsored post in the form of remuneration or a free product or service received however all thoughts and opinions are our own.

 

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How I Feel About My Child with Down Syndrome Starting Nursery

I can’t believe I’ve barely blogged and almost a year has passed, I still don’t feel entirely ready to share my initial moments as reliving them is still so painful but as time is passing, I can feel myself becoming more open to it – how has a year passed? How is it during a time of sheer and utter grief time has actually flown by? To be honest, as I’ve travelled through some of my darkest days, its felt slow. But when I look around me – compare pictures of Arjun from then to now (thanks Facebook), time has flown at lightening speed, he’s grown in to a proper little boy now and I feel like I’ve missed so much by being so distracted with my own thoughts.

Today was a good day.

As Saajan’s first birthday draws closer, I still can’t believe it’s almost time for him to start nursery.

I’ve felt a little judged at times about sending Saajan to nursery when he can’t even crawl let alone walk. Comments can sometimes feel like judgement. Judgement can sometimes make you feel like an incapable mother/father but I’ve always stood firm, that health permitting, I want Saajan to have exactly the same opportunities as Arjun had – nursery included. My gut feeling was confirmed when Saajan attended baby crèche while Preetam and I attended sign-a-long – Saajan absolutely loved it! Why wouldn’t it be good for him to be around other peers? Why wouldn’t it be good for him to get to be in a setting which promotes independence? Why wouldn’t it be good for him to be in a different environment which may encourage his development further? Why wouldn’t it be good for him to be around fresh faced people sometimes? There is absolutely not a shadow of doubt in my mind that this will be brilliant for him. He’s a people person and I know he’s going to love it!

Today, he had his first settling in session at nursery. We decided to send him to the same nursery as Arjun as we’ve built a very strong relationship with both the staff and management there, we figured having both boys at the same school would be good for both of them as they’d get to see each other regularly and thirdly, they have a little girl with Down Syndrome there already so they have experience, fourthly they have a genuine love for Saajan. Before Saajan has even started, they have started setting things in place by discussing any additional courses and such that we felt the staff may need – all the staff were fast tracked on to a sign-a-long course so they’re able to encourage Saajan’s use of sign to help with his communication.

It’s so interesting that the emotions and feelings I am experiencing with him starting are the same as when Arjun started but for different reasons. With Arjun he was my first, it was all new to me, I was handing over my precious gift to a complete stranger that I had to trust from the get go. Now that I’m on to my second child, my fears with Arjun have been eradicated as I’ve built relationships with his nursery so the foundation has been laid and now it’s more about Saajan as a person and him getting the best out of the experience. It’s funny as with my typical child, I wasn’t too worried about his development – I mean I cared, but I didn’t obsess. With Saajan it’s different. I guess it’s because I know he’ll have his voice a little later than Arjun did. He won’t necessarily be able to relay back to me. The level of trust and relationship building is to a whole nother level – a level that has scared me.

Having a child with special needs is definitely daunting where it comes to trusting others – all that needs to be considered can be overwhelming but more than anything, ensuring the right people to deal with the circumstances and your precious child is the scariest part for me.

 

They’re allowing Saajan to pick his own key worker – throughout his settling in sessions the girls will see who he bonds with the most. I trust my baby to guide me in the right direction but I’m comfortable that all the girls in the room are lovely. I just need someone that has an extra love for their job and perhaps an interest in children with special needs so that it’s a mutually benefitting relationship.

 

In addition to it being Saajan’s first settling in session, we also had a round the table meeting to discuss Saajan’s development. There we had the input of his speech and language and physio therapist, his key worker was present, the nursery SENCO (who happens to be Arjun’s lovely key worker), the baby room staff and the nursery manager.

 

I walked in to the meeting feeling a little apprehensive – I never imagined I’d be doing this in my life. I never had to do any of this with Arjun. Thankfully, Arjun took my hand and held it (metaphorically) – he woke up this morning and I asked him if he’d like to go to nursery, to which he replied “No!” when I told him it was Saajan’s first day, he bounced up, rushed to brush his teeth and got ready. He lay in Saajan’s cot next to him gently telling him he’s starting at the same nursery as him and that he’s really excited. He insisted on wearing the same hoody as Saajan too! Whatever has been thrown our way in life, God has never ever let me down in ensuring we have the right people around us to support us – Arjun’s love, care and patience always saves me at my weakest despite being a little rascal at the best of times!

 

 

On the car journey, Arjun lovingly held Saajan’s hand and exitedly told him all about nursery – I found it a tad amusing given he usually screams the house down to not go himself haha. Once we arrived at nursery, Arjun eagerly darted towards the baby room with us following behind him. Saajan happily went to the nursery staff who were just as happy to receive him and Arjun bushy tail put Saajan’s bag away on to his own coat peg – his caring and protective nature is so heart melty. We asked Arjun if he’d like to stay with Saajan in the baby room but he said it was too noisy and would prefer to go to preschool – he was satisfied that Saajan was ok.

 

Our meetings lasted just over three hours (Saajan’s first settling in period was only meant to last an hour but he did so well!) – We went through everything and honestly I feel so much better – like a weight has been lifted off of me. We discussed his medical history, his aspiration concerns, his feeding, our hopes and aspirations for Saajan, his physio plan and his speech and language plan to name a few!
With the added complexities of Saajan’s aspiration, I felt so nervous and conscious that I’d be overwhelming the staff but their constant reassurance and support has been incredible. Even before Saajan started, Arjun’s nursery staff have provided the family with support which has been overwhelming. In my early days, I’d often drop Arjun, be asked how I am and end up in tears and many of the girls were at the end of their shift but would offer their comfort and always remind me that they are there. None of them really had to take an interest but every single one that we’ve interacted with has gone over and beyond to ensure Arjun has been ok, and by embarking on our journey with Saajan with us from the get go to get to know him in preparation for him joining them.
It was really warming to hear how eager all the girls in the room were to meet Saajan in person and I know he won’t disappoint!
I’m so excited for Saajan to embark on this new journey – yeh it’s so crazy how this whole year has flown by, and yeh I’m a little nervous for him to start but more than anything I’m excited for him and for us – I’m becoming the special needs mum that I thought I’d never be! I’m looking forward to strengthening and expanding our support network through nursery and also getting a little relief by having the help with things like physio and speech and language therapy which will also be continued at nursery.
He had a brilliant first session – enjoyed playing and flashing his cheeky little grin. We only had a few tears during lunch as he was super sleepy. He had a mammoth three hour nap when we got home!

For those of you that have been following us for a while know that sometimes Arjun isn’t overly excited about going to nursery (he’s absolutely fine after thirty seconds of us dropping him!), but today they told me he was so excited even without his best friend Jovan there. He was bursting with so much pride that Saajan was also at nursery. He did him a picture which he’d folded up and put in his pocket to give to him when we got home. He also didn’t want him to sleep when we got home so that they could “talk” about Saajan’s first day lol.

All in all, I’m a much calmer, more relaxed and confident mama today. I’m incredibly proud of my boys and I’m so so thankful and grateful to the staff at the boys nursery for doing everything in their power and more to ensure Preetam and I feel at ease! A huge thank you for absolutely everything!

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#MumTakeOver – Debate on Maternal Mental Health with The BBC Asian Network 

My little saviours …

 

 

For those of you that have been following us for a while will know that I started my blog as an outlet after feeling so low after the birth of Arjun. It quickly became apparent that I wasn’t alone. Many women face a sense of loneliness after having a baby and throughout motherhood. The source of mine was a lack of confidence and insecurity in my own ability making me question every single thing to the point where at times it felt like I wasn’t bonding with Arjun.

I was prepared that I may feel the same lowness post the birth of Saajan. I felt quite lonely even during my second pregnancy despite being surrounded by people. What I wasn’t prepared for was a post birth diagnosis that would shatter my world at that time and allow the thickest black cloud to take over my mind, my heart and my soul.

What I have experienced over the last year isn’t something that I can fully articulate … I’m not sure if I ever will. Where when I had Arjun I appeared somewhat “normal” to friends and family, this time there was no hiding away from it. I slowly detached from the world, from all the things I loved doing as I grieved. I grieved so hard for the life that I thought we were going to have. I experienced a completely different type of loneliness. Where before I’d stress about being a good mum by taking Arjun to the supermarket or playgroups, now it was about whether I was capable of being a special needs mum. I was never cut out to be that mum – the Mum that oozes patience, that can focus solely on her children, the mum that takes her children to multiple appointments. How could I ever face that when i couldn’t even handle a trip to Sainsburys alone with Arjun without it being such a huge deal that I’d celebrate it as a mini victory?

This time writing didn’t help. Talking didn’t help. Nothing helped.

The more I rejected offers of play dates and friendly dinners, the more it became obvious to the people around me. I’d become so withdrawn but it felt normal. They felt helpless. But so did I.
It’s only recently I’ve begun taking Saajan and Arjun out to see friends. I took Saajan to his first physio based Baby group alone last week.
Sadly, mental health doesn’t get treated as seriously as other illnesses. It’s devastating as it can be debilitating and can destroy a persons life.

I don’t know the difference between PND and the grieving process for our diagnosis – the line is blurred but what I do know is, I wouldn’t wish the dark thoughts that I’ve had over the last year on anyone for whatever reason.

I’m in a MUCH better place now. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a very long road ahead but I try and focus on each day. I’ve been very patient with myself and quite quickly realised that Saajan’s diagnosis really isn’t the end of the world. He’s bought our whole family so much closer and he’s brightened up so many peoples lives. I’m blessed to be his mama. I just needed time to realise it!

You don’t have to have a diagnosis to feel the feelings I’ve experienced. You may have all the support in the world like I did and still feel low. I’m sharing this because I want you to know you’re not alone.

Today was BBC 5 Live’s #MumTakeOver to raise awareness for maternal mental health. I was invited to the live summit taking place in Blackpool but unfortunately, I wasn’t able to make it but was able to join BBC Asian Network as part a discussion. You can catch up on the discussion here from 2 hours 39 minutes.

I’ve also uploaded the video I shared for the event below sharing my journey:

Thank you to everyone that messaged – together we can make a difference!

Lots of love x