It’s international day of the midwife today … where do I even begin?
When I was pregnant with Arjun, I was in and out of hospital as I was monitored weekly due to my hypertension. Though it was a right pain in the bum, by the time I was due to give birth, many of the wonderful midwives felt like family by then! I remember a few of the midwives going out of their way to come come and check up on me while I was in labour (my blooming 84 hour labour) – visiting me from Triage and ante natal just to see how I was doing. I was truly blessed to have encountered some of the most beautiful and loving souls – I truly do believe it takes a special kinda person to be a midwife.
During my pregnancy with Saajan, as I’ve shared, it was tough. Really tough mentally. Claire literally held my hand through it. A midwife that I’d met years back but that still kept a small place for me in her heart.
I’ve never shared my birth story of Saajan because it’s too painful to do so. But tonight, I’m sharing the notes that I’d typed up as I lay waiting for my c section on the blog. You can see from everything I’d written how happy I was and how perfectly I thought things were working out prior to giving birth. The fact that the warmest and friendliest faces from when I’d had Arjun were there – Danielle and Manjit were there to welcome me. I felt instant relief and comfort seeing their faces. It all felt like Gods plan.
I didn’t get to finish writing as my pain intensified but Danielle didn’t end up coming in to theatre with me as there was an emergency section that ended up going before me and I didn’t end up delivering till much later by which time she’d finished her shift and had to leave as she had an appointment.
From the midwives that did end up coming in with me, to the midwives that saw me through my pregnancy with Arjun, to the mental health midwives that supported me during my second pregnancy, to the midwives that assessed the situation and the rules to make sure we were ok, to the midwives that went out of their way to try and support us – even when they had no words, they were just there, to the midwives that continue to check up on me – I love you from the deepest part of me. Because you cared. You care. Even when I’ve struggled to talk, or haven’t been able to process my own feelings, I know you’re there.
I remember the sadness I felt walking back for our first appointment in the maternity wing at the hospital after we’d had Saajan – it was the polar opposite to the feelings I associated with that building just weeks before. But I remember being greeted with a wave of warmth by so many familiar faces – many of which I didn’t even know their names, there was literally a queue of 6/7 midwives waiting to see us to see how we were doing. They cared. It was a reminder that the new feelings I now associate to the maternity wing at the hospital the boys were born at, aren’t the same feelings I feel for the people that carried me through.
A huge thank you to all the midwives near and far, especially the ones that have held my hand through my motherhood journey, especially Claire and Danielle.
