Literally in tears as I write this as I hate change so much! I don’t blog as often as I’d like to (time!) but there are still precious moments that I like to capture in my little space to capture those memories to reflect back on.
When Saajan was born, I always feared that he’d never be loved. That he’d somehow be treated like he wasn’t really worthy. My biggest fear was how society would accept him.
When Saajan was moving up a room at nursery, naturally I was filled with fear and anxiety. He had formed such a close bond with Ashleigh, his first keyworker, who did such an amazing job at taking care of him.
When I first met Toni, his new keyworker, I knew he’d get on really well with her. She reminded me of my sister, Harv. Both crazy (love you both!)! Haha!
Since, Toni has been my right hand woman through the second stage of Saajan’s nursery life and his development over that time has been incredible.
From double checking the consistency of his water (he has to have it thickened due to aspiration), to learning how to communicate with him to patiently helping him overcome his sensory issues with sand to so passionately celebrating his success and so lovingly caring for him, there’s no area she’s left untouched and through it, we have watched their relationship evolve.
Toni and her deep love for Saajan has shown me I had nothing to fear about him ever being loved. He’s had a profound impact on her life just like she’s had on his and I know that alone will keep our bond going but I’m literally heartbreaking that she’s leaving.
When she handed me a gift for Saajan and I saw that she’d taken the time to get him a personalised beaker and cup, it reinforced just why I’m going to miss her – even in her absence she’s thought about his next milestone – to be able to drink from an open cup. The words she wrote in her card (which I’ve kept private) will be etched in my heart forever as a reminder that he is so so loved.
Toni, thank you for being more than just a keyworker, thank you for being Saajans biggest cheerleader, for loving him so deep and for your patience. We pray that every person that walks in to Saajans life could be even half of what you’ve been to him! I know you’ll touch so many more families and we wish you the best of luck in your new role!x
And just like that those fears and anxiety have come flooding back except with an even greater force as the gap between Saajan and his peers widens and I fear that his needs will be missed 🙁
i know the feeling. we always hope we get the same type of person to help our children but sometimes we have to settle with second best. Wishing you all the best with the new one
As I read your wonderful words, as Toni’s mum it makes me so proud that she has had such an effect on your wonderful, beautiful, special little man. He has had the most amazing effect on my baby girls life and he really does hold her heart always. I know she will stay in touch and always want to be a part of Sargan’s life. Thank you for your kindness to her x