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Pink & Rose Salon Wash & Blow Dry, Pinner | Review

For those of you that know me, will know my hair has a life of its own and washing and straightening it is always like a bloody military operation! I’ve got to literally dedicate half a day to it and I honestly swear I’m exhausted after dealing with it!

I was lucky enough to be invited by the lovely Priyanca of Pink and Rose Salon in Pinner for a wash and blow dry. An offer that I was obviously not going to refuse given the above! Not only did I have the pleasure of visiting the salon and being pampered, but they have also kindly offered to giveaway a free wash and blow dry to one of our lucky readers! You can find details of how to enter the giveaway over on Instagram.

Here’s my review of my experience at the salon:

Parking: the salon is located in Pinner High Street. I was a little apprehensive with the salon being located on a high street however there is plenty of street parking with a 30p per 20 minutes pay and display meter. I was fortunate to find parking right outside as soon as I got there and there were a few other free spaces. I visited at 10am on a Thursday morning.



Friendliness of staff: i was greeted by a very friendly Laura who also kindly showed me around the salon. All the staff I encountered (Laura, Priyanca and Anita) were really warm and friendly.

Decor: Pink and Rose has recently been refurbished and has a really modern feel dark wood flooring and a vintage twist with its shabby chic grey tones too. It’s clean and tidy.

Facilities: There are three floors in total – the ground floor is for wash, cuts and blow dries. The first floor is for hair colouring and the second floor has two treatment rooms for manicures, pedicures, massages and the “pink room” for eyebrow threading.

Although there aren’t specific children’s facilities, the salon welcomes kids and there’s plenty of space for a toddler to potter around while mummy gets pampered!

The salon is also doggy friendly!

The wash: My hair was washed and massaged by Anita using L’Oréal products. The massage was amazing – I’d never have guessed she’d have such strong hands for such a tiny person! It was really relaxing and exactly what I needed. Anita was friendly and constantly asked if I was comfortable and checked if the temperature of the water was ok for me several times.

The blow dry: my hair was blow dried by the lovely Laura. She asked exactly what I wanted before we started – I usually go for a wavy blow dry but decided to go for a straight blow dry this time and I’m so glad I did! I was offered tea or coffee as soon as I sat down – winning given I was knackered and needed the caffeine boost! I was also offered a cupcake!

Laura was really efficient and thorough when blow drying my hair. I have naturally frizzy curly hair and usually when I visit a hair salon, they need to run straighteners through it post blow dry to get rid of the extra frizz. I was so impressed by Laura’s technique – she was both fast and really thorough with her technique which meant I didn’t require straighteners after. My hair came out dead straight and there was still a little volume to it which is usually killed off with the straighteners! Everyone knows I love my volume!

I was so pleased with the outcome – it is by far one of the best blow dries I’ve ever had and at £26.10 it was worth every penny and I’ll definitely be returning!

For a chance to win a wash and blow dry at the salon, check out our Instagram competition!

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Disclosure: this is a sponsored post either in the form of remuneration or a free product being sent to us for review however all thoughts and opinions are our own.

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Rest in Eternal Peace My Beautiful Suzi Thai Ji … 

I can’t believe the day has come – the reality that everyone knew was dawning upon us, but the one that no one really thought would happen … you’ve left us Thai Ji.

We filled the precious minutes and hours we shared speaking about mostly happy memories – you laughing from the pit of your stomach as you watched Arjun and his little antics, how you reminisced about me as a little girl, your grandkids and their hilarious ways. We didn’t always talk about happy times though, we also shared sadder times. We were always there for each other, like friends. You’d never guess there was almost a 50 year age gap!

I never spoke about your health unless you bought it up, our time wasn’t for that. Maybe I could never face the harsh reality, maybe I chose not to speak about it too much as I didn’t want to have those memories, I wanted to take you away from your stresses and worries. I wanted to laugh with you. I’ve never known someone that’s had so much shit thrown their way through life but braved it and fought it with so much strength. Someone that lived life like there was no tomorrow but dreamt like you had forever.

You always were a second mother to me. Someone I could turn to about everything and anything without the fear of being judged. Someone I could laugh with, someone I could cry with, someone I took comfort in, someone that gave me so much strength. I’m pretty sure my “no shit” attitude comes from you lol.

You shared my childhood memories more than anyone – you laughed just as hard everytime you told stories. The one about me shouting “Donald’s” everytime we drove past McDonald’s, how I would give all the shorter chips to you guys but keep the longer ones for myself (some things never change!); how I wanted a sausage at the chippy and how you had to explain to me that they’re meat; how I called oranges “hondages”. You were the one that put me in to my 7pm bedtime routine when I was little – one that’s stuck! Haha! Heera always complains about me going up to bed by 9 lol.

You knew me as well as my own mum – both times I’ve been pregnant, you knew as soon as you saw me and I was only a few weeks. I could never lie to you. I trusted you with my life.

I loved receiving your text messages – I always knew they’d be filled with something exciting when I saw your name flash up. The most recent was your excitement at buying your new car – an old school Rolls Royce. That’s the one thing I loved so much about you Thai Ji – your ability to enjoy every single moment of life, no matter how unwell you were, whatever life threw at you, you lived it like you had forever. And we all believed that – we really believed you’d be here forever. That you were invincible – you are the strongest woman I know. But I guess you were done fighting.

78, 78 whole years, to me you were my age! Always had your hair done, your nails done, donning some form of leopard print garms, your gold earrings on, one of your 500 pairs of shoes on! You always dressed well and embraced the Indian culture too, “I’m not gori, I’m Indian” you’d say.

Everyone adored you, everyone knew you. You were always life and soul of the party – such a character. Your departure has affected even people that only ever had a brief encounter with you – you had such a presence. Such a radiant soul and one so full of love. You genuinely cared about everyone. You always asked about my Biji, my cousins, my in laws. You always took the time out to ask about each and every person.

You chose and named Chico, Bruno was yours. Your love for dogs is something everyone will remember. I’m grateful to have a small piece of something you loved so dearly – I promise to be more involved in taking care of Bruno! If I fail, you know Preetam won’t let you down. I had told you that Friday that since I’ve been pregnant, dogs irritate me. “Oh sharrrap” was your response lol. 

 I don’t know what we’ll do when it comes to the dogs – you were always our first port of call when we ever had any dog related issues. It was because of you Chico’s life was saved when he was poorly as a pup. How will I bring another baby in to this world without your guidance on dogs and babies again? I’ve forgotten everything Thai Ji.

Everyone keeps telling me I should feel grateful and happy that you spent a part of your last full day in this world with me – you chose to come and see Arj and I at my mums. You surprised us. Except I didn’t know it would be the last time I’d see you. So instead of giving you my whole hearted attention, I spent those three hours on the laptop searching for dining tables while we chatted. You were so excited watching Reg and Arj play – the first time you saw them together and sadly your last. You showed us your car and we laughed hard at your enthusiasm for life and your “and what” attitude – so endearing. So inspirational. You had lunch with us – pindia and toast. Had I known it was our last, I would’ve made cholleh bhattureh – your favourite. You looked well Thai Ji, you looked really well. I never would’ve thought that was the last time we’d meet.

Thai Ji, anytime we ever parted, we always hugged and kissed each other. Why was Friday different? It was the first time you didn’t say goodbye – it was the first time you told me you wanted to sneak out as you didn’t want Arj to cry. You didn’t even say “goodbye darling” like you usually would. Why didn’t you hug me one last time? Is it because you knew it’d be the last? Every time I think of you leaving, I cry. I can’t bare the thought that I will never see you again.

I don’t know how I will ever move on from this. I don’t know what I will tell Arjun – he always asks for “Suzi”. He loved feeding Bella with you, running around like a lunatic at your house, admiring the fish with you. He had the same love for you as I did.


My heart feels broken, it feels like such a horrible nightmare. You told me to go out with Heera the following day and to enjoy ourselves, we did Thai Ji. We went out for dinner and to the cinema – something we’ve only done once since having Arjun. It was perfect. We did what you told us to – enjoy ourselves. We spoke about you so much, what we didn’t realise was that at that same moment you were slipping away and leaving us.

That night we got home and were laughing and joking with the twins and mum and dad came down at 11pm. They’d usually be fast asleep. I didn’t think anything of it … it all happened so fast, “we have something to tell you they said”, “what?” We said. “Suzi’s gone” they said.

“Suzi’s gone”

“Suzi’s gone”

“Suzi’s gone”

I can’t get those words out of my head and I can’t get that feeling any further away. My heart sinks every time I think of that night. The night is a blur but what I felt is so vivid. Every time I think of Arjun’s reaction to my reaction to the saddest news. I couldn’t even take any comfort in my son.

I am forever grateful to your daughter and grandchildren – to call me and check that I’m ok the night they lost their mum/nan, I’ll never forget. During their own grief of losing the closest person to them, they thought of me. They understood our bond, how close we were. Somehow I’ve been able to draw some strength from them by crying together and laughing together. Maybe because in that moment, you’re still here with us.

Two weeks on and it’s time for you to be put to rest. Except I’m not allowed to be there … because I’m pregnant. I guess these traditions exist for a reason. I know you wouldn’t want me there as you know I won’t be able to handle it. I’m a mess Thai Ji. How can I ever say goodbye? I want to remember your radiant face and bouncy personality. I can’t handle seeing your lifeless soul. Equally, I can’t handle being away from everyone, and not being a part of your final journey. It will never feel real to me. I can’t even get out of bed. I don’t want to face the day. I feel like I can’t breath. 


Why is the one thing that’s guaranteed in life -death, so hard to accept?

I took you for granted – I always assumed you’d be here Thai Ji. I love you so much, my heart is hurting. I’m struggling to take comfort in anything other than knowing you weren’t in pain during your final few moments.

I’ll miss your love for life Thai Ji
I’ll miss my annual birthday cards always addressed “to my daughter”
I’ll miss my confidant
I’ll miss someone sharing my childhood memories with me

I’ll miss your potty mouth

I’ll miss your cheekiness
I’ll miss you

Thank you for visiting me in my dream and letting me know you’re ok. Please come again soon Thai Ji … I’ll be waiting for you.

Rest in eternal peace … until we meet again my precious angel 💔 I love you x

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Life …

No idea where to start with this post but I’m hoping unloading my thoughts will help me a) clear my head b) rationalise my thoughts. I also think it’s really important for me to be able to look back at my journey to appreciate where I am. Excuse the typos, the rubbish English and use of grammar, I’m knackered!
As much as social media may portray all is well, most days, I’m struggling at the moment.

Uncertainty … My life seems full of it at the moment. There is so much going on and it all seems to be happening around me. Like I’m in a dream watching on as a bystander. The recent death of my beloved second mum – my Suzi Thai Ji (aunti), our house extension, still living at my parents, a baby on the way, the guilt around Arjun having to share our attention …the list feels endless.

There is so much change happening, dealing with a new baby alone was enough to send me in to a frenzied panic without all the other change alongside it.

We started our extension in May and in my mind I would be back home, getting ready for our upcoming arrival by now. The reality is, I’m still at my parents. As much as I absolutely love being with my parents and my sisters, and having the extra pairs of hands and support has really been amazing, in my head I would be back home and getting things ready for the baby. Unfortunately the house isn’t ready for us to go back just yet. With no kitchen, no water downstairs, a house full of thick dust and still a construction site, we are no closer to moving back in the next few weeks.

I have no hospital bag ready, I have no baby clothes washed and ironed, I have no car seat at the ready, I have no moses basket ready. Yes I still have 2 months to go but 2 months isn’t that long? I’ve tried to do a few online shops for hospital bag essentials to make myself feel better but instead I’ve found myself in even more of a mess with half of it being delivered to my parent’s house, half of it to my house and really having no clue where anything is. My car is full of stuff so much so that there’s no room for passengers.

I can’t get Arjun’s newborn clothes down from the loft to reuse for the baby as there is no washing machine plumbed in at my house and they would get filled with dust in no time even if I was able to wash them. There is also no place to store them as we need to shift Arjun’s clothes out of the nursery and in to his new room but we can’t do that till the new carpet has come and the new furniture in Arjun’s room has arrived which won’t be till after the carpet has been lifted to finish off the wiring.

I feel so unprepared. And I feel like I have no control over what’s going on. It’s not as easy as pulling down one bag from the loft – I wasn’t sensible enough to sort things by age always. Out of the 15 odd huge bags we have up there, some of them are a combination of car seat bits, shoes, muslins and clothes! So I’d need to take all of them down to sort through them. Argh! For a normally organised person, I was pretty disorganised – I blame the sleepless nights.

The sleepless nights …something that I’ve become all too familiar with again. I slept like a baby when I was pregnant with Arjun. I’m sure a lack of sleep is adding to my anxiety. I’m wide awake between 4-6am every single night and my sleep till 4am is broken. The aches and pains I’m experiencing this pregnancy are alien to me. I didn’t have this (not that I remember anyway) when pregnant with Arjun. It often means I’m physically not able to do much –something that I’m finding so frustrating. With a demanding toddler who often wants to be picked up for comfort, an upside down house and a new baby to prepare for, being physically restricted is really frustrating.

I know Preetam shares my frustrations as I appreciate so much how hard he is working for us. He’s working flat out and sacrificing being with his son to get things done fast. I admire him for his drive – going to work in London, working an intense job and then coming home and working till past midnight to do it all over again this next day can’t be easy. As with most construction projects, things don’t always go to plan – materials don’t always get delivered when they’re supposed to or things sometimes take a little longer than anticipated which has meant sometimes things our out of Preetam’s control.

While his focus is on getting the house ready (rightly so), I’m not sure he understands the maternal instinct and my need to get things sorted – I’ve always been the one that takes charge of leading things with Arjun so he’s not really too aware of what’s involved. I think for him, the house is the priority and the baby will be here on it’s due date – wishful thinking! Similarly to me, he likes things planned and on schedule … unfortunately baby business doesn’t work that way. They say it’s common for the second to come early…!

The labour … I haven’t even thought about labour. It just seems like a “thing” on a list, it doesn’t feel real. What fate do I have in store this time? Will the baby be ok? … My goodness, we still have so much to deal with.

Will Preetam be ok this time? If I don’t feel like I’m ready or that it hasn’t hit me, how on earth would it have hit him? I don’t think he has any idea. He’s frantically trying to get the house ready and that’s his primary focus at the moment. He was absolutely amazing when Arjun was born, I just hope it’s not all too much for him this time around. He was my back bone especially during the first year, I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s on burn out this time around. I feel guilty for even thinking that way knowing he’s already under so much pressure.

The baby … I can’t fathom that once we move back in to our new home, it won’t just be the three of us, there’ll be a fourth. I can’t seem to grasp it. How will I take care of a newborn again?! I feel like I’ve completely forgotten everything. I know everyone says it’ll come back to me but the truth is that doesn’t comfort me in any way. Because I have so much other uncertainty I don’t feel like I have the mental breathing space to comprehend that soon our responsibilities will double. I don’t even remember what you pack in a baby change bag? The change bag is currently covered in dust! 😐

With Arjun, I had 6 weeks off on maternity leave before he was born to absorb what was happening around me, to get used to the idea of a tiny little human. To really embrace it. And even still I struggled. I’m fearful that with my maternity leave being consumed with trying to get the house ready, I won’t get that time. I’ll probably be exhausted before the baby arrives and I’m worried that tiredness will send me in a downward spiral.

I’m really worried about how I’ll cope. My mind feels so cluttered mentally and I’m struggling to find a small space in my head to manoeuvre my thoughts and clear my head.

Maternity leave seemed so far away when I’d first put in my maternity leave request at work and it’s suddenly crept up on me. Next week is my last week at work. I had it all worked out between then and now. This was meant to be a lovely experience. We’d planned to get pregnant, I had hopes and wishes for his pregnancy too like I did with Arjun, I’ve not been able to do any of them and it feels like the last seven months have just whizzed by and I’ve not had a chance to enjoy any of it or just be in the moment. I really don’t want to make that mistake once the baby is here. I want to cherish every single moment because if Arjun has taught me anything, it’s that time really does slip through your fingers.

I’m feeling so guilty for Arjun too – I’d planned a beautiful few months before baby’s arrival. Family trips to the farm, the park, cinema. Making the most as the three of us. We haven’t been able to do any of it. I feel so guilty that soon he’ll have to share us. I’ve cried about it so many times. I know I always wanted him to have a sibling and I am so grateful to God for blessing us with another, but I can’t help but feel guilty as his oblivious little self wanders. I’ll probably write a separate post on this as I’m on a mini rollercoaster with this alone.

Last Saturday we lost my Thai Ji. I’ve never lost someone so close to me and I have no idea how to cope. My heart breaks every time I think of the day she passed – it’s unbelievable. I can’t comprehend it it. We’d spent part of the day together the day before. She was so happy to see her great grandson Reggie and Arjun playing together. I had no idea that would be the last time we’d see each other, the last time I’d hear her voice. I miss her so much already. I’ve found myself turning to my phone to text/call her so many times the last week like I always have. Except she’s no longer there. I can’t handle the thought of her not being in my life. I don’t know how to process it or how to accept it. Death is the one thing that’s guaranteed in life but the hardest thing to accept.

I feel emotionally, physically and mentally drained and the only tiny person that I’m taking comfort in at the moment is Arjun. That stresses me out too. What a burden for him.

My inability to always be able to cope at the moment has unfortunately meant Arjun has joined the iPhone gang. I’ve recently found myself relying on my iPhone to act as a babysitter for 15 minutes while u have a quick nap as I am too exhausted to deal with him. I’ve relied on it so much so that he now asks for it. I guess I’ve been lucky that he’s escaped the phone bug for the last 28 months but i cant help but feel really frustrated with myself for allowing it to happen.

I have no issue with Arjun using a phone / iPad. In fact, most of what he wants to do is either colouring, a puzzle or watching videos about colours and shapes. No. it’s the way in which it changes his behaviour. He is so oblivious to what is going on around him and that bothers me. It bothers me badly. I’m not sure if it’s because of the distance of the screen from his face, but the TV doesn’t quite have the same impact on him.

I really hate that I now use my phone to settle him when he’s having a tantrum, or when I need a break because I am mentally and physically drained. I’m conditioning him to rely on it. He knows exactly how to get it.

I’m so sorry that this is such a heavily negative post – I’m all about silver linings and I KNOW the change surrounding the baby and our home is temporary and soon all order will be restored and we’ll be able to create wonderful memories (God willing). I wish the same could be said about my Thai Ji.

I am so grateful that soon we will be back in our humble dream home reunited as a little family … the journey to get there just feels a little bit muddled.

My silver lining is that I get to spend lots of quality time with my parents – my family have been such a huge pillar of support especially during this last week where I have really struggled emotionally; Arjun is now fully potty trained which I’m not sure would have been the case without them!; and I’ve managed to still keep on top of things with Baby Brain Apparel (which turned 1 yesterday!) as difficult as it’s been!

Yes the next few months feel so uncertain for us, I have no idea whether I’ll be back home in time for this baby to arrive, what sort of labour I’ll have, what state the house will be in when we do move back, but the truth is, it’s out of my control and stressing over it won’t change anything – I just need to keep reminding myself of that. I wish I could compile a structured to do list but my to do list is dependent on other things out of my control.

Here’s to hoping I figure shit out!x

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Our Potty Training Journey, Tips and Advice!

I’ve had lots of messages asking about potty training and how we went about it. I’m not sure when the “correct” time to officially class your child as “potty trained” is hence why I’d not yet shared this post! It’s been almost 3 weeks since Arjun last wore a nappy and there definitely is no going back now despite the odd accident!

Here’s a quick over view of where we are at:
1. He now 90% of the time tells us when he needs to go and often will go to the potty/toilet himself
2. His accidents are usually when he’s distracted where he sometimes needs to be reminded to go or if he’s had a particularly bad day e.g. missing his daddy
3. 90% of any accidents he does have are at nursery
4. He’s become so helpful and independent – If he pees in the potty, he likes to flush it down the toilet himself!
5. He pulls his own pants up and down
6. We managed a day trip to Birmingham without any accidents
7. We managed a whole weekend of wedding functions and a birthday party at a trampoline park without any accidents
8. He can now sleep the night without a nappy on and has gone from needing a wee as soon as he wakes up to now being able to hold it in for at least half an hour before going to the toilet by himself

To be honest, it was a dream both Preetam and I had to get Arjun potty trained before baby number 2 arrives – the thought of having to change 2 lots of nappies was not appealing! I didn’t think we’d actually be able to turn it around and make it a reality though!

 

He’s now 28 months old (almost 2 and a half) and is communicating more and more. We began the process while Arjun and I were still living at home and to say it was difficult is an understatement. There is so much change going on in Arjun’s life right now AND we don’t have a toilet downstairs. We placed a potty downstairs for when he needed to go.

To be completely honest, he has really excelled since we moved to my parent’s house – I guess the four extra pair of hands doesn’t go a miss! My dad in particular made it his mission to get Arjun off nappies and his patience and perseverance has definitely made a huge impact!

Here is how we approached potty training:

 

 

Timeframe

Action
4 months ago Arjun would sometimes tell us when he’d done wee in his nappy. He often told us when he needed to poo.
3 months ago We began with periods when at home or grandparents with pants on and placing him on the toilet using a trainer seat every 30 minutes. At bedtime or when out we would put a nappy on him.

 

We tried pull ups for a very short while and then decided against it. My sister is a nursery nurse and recommended we just stick to pants to avoid confusing him.
2.5 months ago I informed nursery that he was ready to start potty training while there too and stocked up on lots of pants and ensured he had several changes of clothes while there. He had several accidents while at nursery initially but soon got the gist of things by copying his buddies. We continued with pants at home after nursery but still put a nappy on him at bedtime or when out.
1.5 months ago One evening, Arjun decided he didn’t want to wear a nappy to bed. We fought it as we were so tired from sleep regression and having to change wet bedding in the middle of the night didn’t seem like fun. We put a nappy on him while he slept. Big mistake on our part. When he woke, his nappy was dry. He was still having the odd accident (I’d say 1 every 2-3 days when at home).
1 month ago We moved to my parent’s house a month ago and soon after decided to ditch the nappy all together about ten days ago. Initially we would have to place him on the toilet every 30 minutes or any time he woke from a nap or had just had fluid. We still remind him but now he is much better at telling us.
3 weeks ago Arjun went out for the first time without a nappy on for 3 hours. I invested in a portable toilet seat for when we are out as I sensed he didn’t feel comfortable without.

 

We went cold turkey with the nappy and Arjun slept through the night without a nappy on and had no accidents. In the first week where we totally boycotted nappies, he had 1 accident during the night and 1 accident first thing in the morning when he’s woken up. Since then, he can now hold in his wee for up to half an hour after waking and goes to the toilet himself.
2 weeks ago We did a day trip to Birmingham on the Sunday without any accidents and he told us most times when he wanted to go. The remaining he went when we placed him on the toilet.

 

On the Monday, when he returned to nursery, he had a bit of a regressive day where he had four accidents during the day. He seemed to re-find his footing on Tuesday and touch wood things are back on track. Since then, we’ve had two accidents at home.

 

Since then, he’s had several trips out armed with his portable potty seat and is really comfortable going out in public. We managed a trip to the farm without any trouble too!

 

 

 
This week He managed a whole weekend of wedding functions and a trip to the trampoline park without any accidents.   I was super proud of him!

 

He’s become as lot more proactive with going to the potty by himself now and they have also noticed his progress at nursery where he wants to clear up after himself by clearing his wee from the potty in to the toilet and flushing himself!

It’s now been almost 3 weeks since Arjun last wore a nappy. Has he had accidents? Yes. Have they been unbearable? No.

Here are our top potty training essentials:

1. Stock up on pants, cheap pants: We stocked up on Asda pants for nursery which are 7 pairs for £2.50. The “nicer” pairs, I picked up from Primark and the character ones (Paw Patrol) from B&M Stores.

paw-patrol-pants

2. A toilet trainer seat: if we had a toilet downstairs, we wouldn’t have bothered with a potty. We ensured there is a Tippitoes Toilet Trainer Seat for the upstairs toilet at our house and at both grandparents houses. They are brilliant, secure and reasonably priced.

tomee-tippee-trainer-seat

3. Reward charts: we haven’t used a reward chart as such, but we did get reward stickers and Arjun sticks them on his bedroom wall (and then peels them off again!). They also use stickers at nursery. We got specific potty training reward stickers.

toilet-stickers

4. Potty: if like us you dont have a downstairs toilet, place a potty downstairs especially at the beginning to minimise accidents and so that your toddler always has access to a toilet. There are lots on the market however we opted for 99p ones from Home Bargains!  When Arjun is in the garden, we also always place a potty for him outside so he can go himself if he needs to. The distance from our garden to the upstairs toilet is a fair bit for a small person!

basic-potty

5. Get a portable toilet seat for when out: they are brilliant and come with a little plastic case to keep them in. Our one fits in our Skip Hop rucksack. We went for the portable folding travel potty seat.  I’d highly recommend it!

portable-trainer-seat

6. Bed mats or a mattress protector: for night time accidents without ruining your favourite mattress!

7. Get a little stool: so they can climb up and down themselves.

I’m definitely no expert and we clearly have a bit of a while to go but here are my top potty training tips:

1. Wait until your child is ready: We judged this by when Arjun could communicate and began telling us if he wanted a nappy change. I did attempt before this but struggled, its felt a little easier since he’s been on board. It also helps that his new nursery room has potty training facilities for consistency and also seeing other children sitting on the potty made him want to do it too.

2. Spare pants and a change of clothes when out: Just incase you have an accident!

3. Don’t be scared: What’s the worst that can happen?! They’ll have an accident! So what, change them!

4. Let them choose their pants: when home, we let Arjun choose which pants he’d like to wear. His favourites are the dinosaurs, footballs and Paw Patrol.

5. Wear pull up bottoms: such as jogging bottoms or leggings. Nothing too fussy so that they can pull their own bottoms up and down. Encourage them to be independent but always be there to offer a helping hand! I let Arjun wipe his bottom after going for a number 2, but will always do it for him after.

6. Boys and their bits: tell him to tuck it in unless you want an accident!

7. Plan your outings: ensure you place them on the toilet before you go out, as soon as you reach your destination, during your trip and as soon as you get home.

8. Routine: if you feed your child at the same time everyday, they will probably have a routine. Arjun poo’s before 10 after breakfast and around 4pm like clockwork most days.

9. Don’t use pull ups: it’s confusing for a child to distinguish between pull ups and a nappy. Arjun treated it the same as a nappy.

10. Go cold turkey on the nappy as soon as possible: keeping the nappy seemed to be confusing for Arjun and he’s done much better since we’ve given the nappy up.

11. Make toilet time fun: Arjun and I always have little conversations or sing songs when he’s on the toilet to make it more fun.

12. Praise praise praise: if he has an accident, I never tell him off (as difficult and frustrating as it can be at times!) – I’m pretty sure he’d prefer not to pee in his pants but it’s bound to happen! Instead I remind him of what we do. When he does go on the toilet, I give him lots of cuddles and praise. My dad also treated him to a present as he was so proud the first night he went without a nappy.

13. Follow your child’s lead: let them guide you. When Arjun told us he didn’t want a nappy on at night, we should have listened!

14. Remind them they are wearing pants: I especially do this during the night and when in the car!

15. Get everyone on board: it’s honestly been so much easier because I’ve had four extra pairs of hands to help me. I know this isn’t the usual family situation, but if you can get family members on board and set up for when you visit their homes, it’ll be a lot easier.

16. Get nursery on board: Arjun spends three full days there and although most of his accidents happen there, I’m grateful that they are persevering. It also helps as several other children in his room are also potty training.

17. Regular toilet time: although Arjun now tells us when he wants to go, we still ensure we place him on the toilet at least once an hour to remind him especially when he’s distracted.
I’d love to hear your potty training tips and any other advice!

 

For those mamas embarking on the same journey, good luck, be confident and don’t be scared!

x

 

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Why Today’s Growth Scan Was So Special | Pregnancy 

What a nightmare taking Arjun to the hospital for appointments, even with Preetam there! He’s non stop! 

Today was different though, I don’t mean his Duracell bunny antics of running up and down the corridor amusing those waiting for their appointment (which always seems to take forever!). No, he still did that. It was his reaction to our scan. 

One of the perks (there aren’t many) of being a high risk patient is that I get extra growth scans to ensure baby is ok. With high blood pressure (not pregnancy related), I’ve always been at high risk of pre eclampsia – where the placenta breaks down and eventually the baby is starved if undetected. 

Arjun’s been to quite a few of my scans but he’s never really been overly bothered. He either freaks out at the sight of his mummy lying on a bed being poked and prodded or he chooses to have a tantrum – perhaps he does understand what’s going on and that’s his way of grabbing our attention. Either way, it can be a pain. 

Not quite sure what was different about today. Not sure if his understanding is growing? Or maybe he was a bit pissed off with me for politely (uh hem) having a hissy fit at Preetam for allowing Arjun to pick chocolate biscuits at the hospital canteen, so he didn’t mind me being poked and prodded?! No idea but it was the sweetest thing watching him watch his baby brother/sister on the screen and waving. Mid way through he took my hand and held it tight. He seemed really content and happy in that moment. More than the little baby on the screen, I was in awe of Arjun’s reaction. It made it so special.  The gesture of him holding my hand felt like he was telling me “mummy it’s going to be ok, I’m going to be ok” – I’ve been feeling so guilty recently (will share my feelings in a separate post) and I take so much comfort in his reassurance. I am so grateful to have him by my side through everything, even when he isn’t playing ball. 

When checking, the sonographer made a comment that “baby needs a wee” as it’s bladder was full at which point Arjun also decided he needed one. I guess that’s a small taste of what’s to come! 

Today was so special – my favourite scan to date. Because I felt like he was a part of it. He excitedly told me after how he saw “beby” on the “TV”. I hope he’s just as excited when the baby is actually here!

x

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Toddler Paw Patrol Theme Room – From Single Bed to Double!

With a little intruder making his way in to our room every night and all of us getting little to no sleep, we decided it was time to do something about it especially with the news of another little person on the way!

We moved Arjun in to a cot bed when he was a year and a half old as we found he became quite upset and frustrated by being in a confined space. Unfortunately, a single bed with a bed guard just wasn’t enough space for him. He’d often be bothered by hitting in to the side of the bed/bed guard which would wake him fully resulting in him coming in to our room in the middle of the night most nights.

We have a king size bed but with Preetam and I just about fitting in comfortably, it was a tight squeeze with a little toddler who insists on sleeping diagonally or horizontally with little to no consideration for his fellow roomies. Preetam and I would literally sleep hanging off the bed! Our quality of sleep was becoming disrupted and it was beginning to take its toll.

After having a conversation with my cousin sister, we decided to move Arjun in to his new room in to a double bed. I wanted to ensure he moved rooms well in advance of the baby arriving and it felt like the perfect time. I always loved the idea of a cute car shaped bed or one of those other over the top themed beds – right up my street! But I had to be real, it would be a lot more practical, and there was a higher chance of it working better if he was given more space and a double bed sounded sensible. We also figured that if he does wake during the night, Preetam or I could jump in with him. This was especially important when forward thinking for when the baby is here.

Luckily, we already had a double bed in the spare room with a super comfy mattress, all we needed to do was decorate the room to make it feel like his own.

I let Arjun pick what theme he’d like to go for. I did contemplate sticking to clouds or stars, but I gathered that was a tad unfair given those are things I like, not necessarily things he likes plus having a character themed room is part of the fun of being a kid! He chose Paw Patrol and I thought that was a good theme given he loves all things construction which we could easily blend in with a Paw Patrol themed room.

As always, I turned to my trusted sources for everything – eBay and Amazon to spruce up the room! There is definitely no shortage of super cute Paw Patrol themed bedroom décor, I actually struggled to keep it to a minimum! Details on what I went for are included below.

I decorated Arjun’s room while he was at nursery to surprise him and to say he was ecstatic is an understatement! He absolutely loved it and was shrieking with excitement! He needs any excuse to show people his new room and likes to spend time in there himself.

I also moved Arjun’s favourite toys in our toy storage baskets in to his room. He absolutely loves his room and now refers to the nursery as “the baby’s room”.

 Rubble night light: although this doesn’t give off anywhere enough light to keep him settled (he’s afraid of the dark), it’s a nice little touch.  

Paw Patrol character wall decals: I purchased a character each and scattered them around the mirror. Arjun loves pointing to them and calling their names. 

Paw Patrol String Lights: I used these to decorate around the mirror. They add a really soft touch when it’s bed time and we put the lights out and lie with Arjun till he falls asleep. 

Paw Patrol Pawsome Double Duvet: I love how fun and vibrant this set is. It’s also reversible to change things up!


Paw Patrol racer toys: Arj was pretty excited when he saw these! They were an absolute bargain and such a great buy. 

Paw Patrol large wall decal: we placed this behind Arjun’s bed. You can select three different sizes. I love the impact it has. 

Paw Patrol Pawsome Kids Beanbag: when I was littl even, I was mad about my bean bag. They’re the cosiest things ever! Arjun often sits on his when playing or reading. 


Paw Patrol mini plush: again, an absolute bargain. I really liked these ones as they had the window suckers on so I could attach to the mirror to keep them safe. Arjun kisses them good night every evening! 

Paw Patrol cushions: again, a nice touch to soften the room. 

It’s safe to say Arjun loves his new room. Although he doesn’t fall asleep there by himself, he’s a lot happier and it seems to be working better for us. Most days he toddles in to our room by 5am but by that time Preetam and I are desperate for cuddles after a decent nights sleep!  

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We Did It! … We Went to the Farm Alone Today!

Big deal right?! It is in my world. 

It’s the first “proper” challenge I’ve faced alone with Arjun since being pregnant. I woke up this morning wondering whether I should take him out given he’d been cooped up inside all day yesterday. I came up with so many reasons to not go …

He always wants to be carried since finding out we’re pregnant

He’s now off nappies, what if he had an accident? 

What if he runs off? I don’t have his reigns with me and even if I did he hates them on. 

What if he had a tantrum? 

What if he didn’t sit still through lunch? 

To name a few! I really didn’t expect myself to take him – I always come up with these great ideas and they very rarely materialise. I was especially put off as a few days ago a friend and I popped in to Matalan and he refused to play ball. He wasn’t necessarily “naughty” in the tantruming sense (not at the beginning anyway), instead he was running away from us and I found it all a bit stressful. I couldn’t imagine doing that alone with him. I must have forgotten about that Matalan incident and had a moment of madness when I decided to get ready to go. 

I was invited to give my opinion on “fussy eating” on the BBC Asian Network radio this morning. As soon as I was done, I started getting dressed without thinking quickly before I could talk myself out of it. I packed his bag armed with two spare pairs of bottoms, a few pairs of pants and his collapsable toilet seat. I really really have a deep desire to do these things with Arjun but my lack of confidence and fear always wins. I really don’t want my children to miss out because of my own issues and I’m so conscious time is flying and one day I’ll regret not making as many memories as possible. Plus while I’m at my parents, it’s the perfect opportunity to test the waters as I have that extra support when I got back. 

I told Arjun we were going to see animals and he excitedly began (trying) to dress himself whilst singing baa baa black sheep at the top of his lungs! He was super excited and it made my heart feel whole. 

As we were driving, he fell asleep. I panicked. I even thought about turning back. The local farm is only a 15 minute drive from my parents. What if he had a tantrum when I woke him up as his sleep wouldn’t be complete? 

I managed to convince myself to carry on and I’d deal with it when we got there if that situation arose. When we arrived, Arjun woke up himself and excitedly squealed. I got him or the car but he decided he wanted to take his tool box with him which was packed with paint (don’t ask!). He had a huge meltdown when I said he could as I knew I’d end up carrying it around. It wasn’t the greatest start and I felt apprehensive straight away. I decided to pick him up before he threw himself on the ground. I always get told not to lift him but what am I supposed to do in those situations?!

Once we got to the front desk, he was perky and happy again armed with a carton of SMA and Peppa Pig breadsticks. I got him some animal feed which he was equally excited for – despite struggling to hold everything, he refused to let me help him. 

We had such a nice time walking around – he liked the goats, pigs and chickens but was pretty scared of the cows and sheep as they were pretty noisy. As soon as entered the farm he was obsessed with finding the rabbits. I love that he has preferences and his own likes and dislikes now and that he can express them. We had the added bonus of Heathrow airport being down the road and so being able to plane spot at the same time! He also got to have fun on the bouncy castles. 

We were there for about 40 minutes once we’d been around and I was contemplating leaving when a lovely staff member who’d seen us earlier informed us that they were doing an interactive animal session. She mentioned rabbits AND snakes. I’m terrified of snakes but I know Arjun loves both of those animals and I didn’t want to deprive him of it. 

I am so grateful to that kind lady for stopping us as it was one of the most joyful experiences with Arjun. He sat with my arm wrapped around him clutching at my hand as he listened with intent to them telling us about the animals. He loved stroking the snake, guinea pig, rat (!!!!) millipede and especially the bunny rabbit. He wasn’t so keen on the water dragon and frog though he did have a “ribbet ribbet” conversation with the frog lol. He was a little apprehensive about touching the snake at first which meant I had to put on my big girl panties and my brave face and show him I wasn’t scared to touch, he then followed. That little snippet made me realise how much his confidence will rely on mine. How he probably watches my every move and a lot of how I feel will be brushing off on to me. It saddens me as I feel he is being punished for my journey. 

That aside, we had a really lovely afternoon. He was too tired for lunch so I picked up a take away on the way home and just enjoyed my lunch as he’s in deep sleep! 

I feel so proud of myself, and so proud of him. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t difficult either. I can’t imagine ever doing it with two kids but maybe I’ll surprise myself one day. 

Oh and we didn’t end up using the spare change of clothes or pants but we did use his toilet seat 🙂 

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This Wife’s Guilt … 

As you probably know, the last few weeks Arjun and I have been living with my parents as our house is currently a hazardous zone with major construction work happening. 

Preetam’s daily routine consists of waking up at 6am, usually doing a building materials run based on what the builders need, coming home, getting ready for work, taking the train in to London, doing a full day at work, coming back home, changing straight in to his work wear, eating whatever he can grab (usually a slice of bread and cheese or scrambled egg!) and diving straight in to building work … sometimes he’s working till past midnight and then does it all over again the next day. How he does it, I will never know. The amount I worry I about him, I do know. 

I’ve felt so guilty the last few weeks, there isn’t a fully functioning kitchen at home and I know that feeling when you’ve had a long day at work and want to come home to a hearty cooked meal. 

It’s been so difficult running up and down from my parents house to my house to work to nursery to hospital … between work, sewing, managing a toddler – I feel physically and mentally exhausted but my physical exhaustion cannot be anywhere near Preetams. The pressure of having to have a house in a reasonable state in preparation for the arrival of a newborn, the thought of a newborn, managing a big construction project, being away from his son – so many times he’s broken down, and living alone …to top it off infrequently cooked meals for him as I just haven’t been able to manage everything just feels like too much. I’ve cried so many times at the thought – my heart literally breaks. I wish we could be a family and I could be there to support him, I’m really missing him. But I also know this is temporary and it’s the right thing to do to get things done quickly. Like any couple, we sure have had our ups and downs, but there is nothing quite like home – as much as my parents home will always be my first home and Arjun and I are being absolutely spoilt here, home is where my husband and son are. 

Today I decided to surprise him by cooking some of his favourite comfort food that can be frozen while Arjun napped to keep at our house so that he has hearty food when he fancies it. I feel so awful that it’s so cold, he’s working so hard, and I haven’t even been able to provide at least that… it looks like a cheese feast but at least he’ll have a few of his favourites a few times a week whenever he fancies it and there’ll be a few bits left over for when we go back … Broccoli cheese, lasagne and macaroni cheese! It makes me feel better that as helpless as I feel right now, at least I can feed him even though he’ll probably never want to see any of those dishes again! Haha! I haven’t been able to spend any time with Preetam and today it’s felt like I’ve invested time in us, in our relationship in a weird way. 

I am so proud of the man that he is – I don’t know anyone that works as hard as he does and is so knowledgable in so many things. I’m so lucky to have him as my husband and as the father of my kids – Arjun and his sibling will learn so much from him and Arjun is already a mini version of his dad. Always ready to help, so hands on and so keen to learn. 
I am forever grateful for how much he does for us. 
I’m making the most of my time at my parents house as I know I’ll be heartbroken all over again when it’s time to leave but I can’t help but miss my home too. It’s a shame that Indian girls have to leave home to get married and live with their husbands!! If only it was acceptable for them to come and live with our parents 😉 Still, I’m lucky to live so close to my mum and dad. 

I’m looking forward to being reunited as a family and starting the next chapter in our lives in our beautiful humble home with my precious little family x

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Dealing With Pregnancy After Post Natal Depression – #WorldMentalHealthDay | Pregnancy

I’ve really been putting this blog post off for ages. I’ve made lots of random notes in my phone but just haven’t felt like writing it up – not sure why. I think it’s because I really can’t find the words and I don’t feel like I have the energy. It’s such a draining topic for me and one that I don’t quite feel “ready” to face. My other posts relating to my journey are always written when I have a moment of strength. Right now, I feel quite tired. But as today marks #WorldMentalHealthDay, I decided to put my brave face on and share my experience of mental health and how my pregnancy has been since suffering with post natal depression (PND) with my first pregnancy. 

Today is about raising awareness of mental health – something that affects so many of us in different ways either personally or through loved ones. It’s a sad thought that by 2030, depression will be a leading global illness and one that still has such stigma attached to it, one that we don’t always openly talk about, one that’s considered a “it’s in your head” type illness. It’s real. It’s very real and it affects so many of us and those around us.  

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know it’s been quite a bumpy rollercoaster ride dealing with motherhood. It’s been the most gratifying experience of my life, but also one of the most challenging – being responsible for another human being is no easy task especially when there’s a constant cloud of self doubt in your mind.

PND for everyone is so different, for me it manifested in a way in which I struggled, and still do struggle, to have the confidence to go out with Arjun alone. My anxiety also manifests itself by my inability to accept change. 
Although I’m still really reluctant to take Arjun out alone in fear of not being able to deal with certain situations while out, I’ve come a very long way. I still feel like a failure on several counts – reading it out makes me feel pretty pathetic. How difficult is it to take a tiny human out? I admire other mothers – those that have a “what’s the worst that can happen? You end up having to leave early!” – it’s true. So why do I still find it so difficult?

Anytime I have a moment of confidence and even contemplate taking Arjun out alone, I still create a mammoth argument in my head and that little self doubt devil wins 99% of the time. It makes me feel so unsettled and upset – that my child misses out on so many “normal” things because I’m too scared to take him out. I’m talking about things that are pretty normal for most – things like taking him to a supermarket, going to the park, visiting the local farm, going for a walk – most of which I’ve hesitantly done once at least to be fair to myself. Once though? Once in his whole 27 months of existence? If I can’t do it with one, how on earth will I do it with two?

We always knew we would love for Arjun to have a sibling (God willing), and we were ecstatic when we found out we were pregnant but unfortunately, the bubble I was in, popped quite quickly after. I’m not sure if it was the bumpy start to the pregnancy we had – I had a very early bleed where I was told I may have an ectopic pregnancy and to come back in a week to confirm as only a sac was visible. That week was the longest of my life and unfortunately Preetam and I have a very different way of dealing with stress and they didn’t quite work in sync resulting in me feeling quite lonely. He switches off when stressed, I become very emotional – the two don’t quite go hand in hand. It wasn’t the happy and beautiful start to the journey I’d hoped for.

That week was absolute torture and I felt so alone. I struggled to function, I had no energy, I shut off from the world. That one week of torture, felt like a lifetime. That snippet of the whole nine months became so significant from the get go.

I found myself in a dark space quite quickly. Something I almost resented myself for. I’m so mindful and aware of how lucky I am to even be pregnant again and feeling melancholy makes me frustrated and feel irritated with myself – it doesn’t help as it results in a vicious cycle. I have to constantly remind myself to not compare my situation to others and beat myself up for feeling rubbish some days as everyones situation is very relevant and real to them.

Some days I don’t even have the energy to speak
Some days I wake up feeling fine
Some days all I need is to be left alone
Some days I wake up forgetting I’m even pregnant
Some days I wake up feeling excited at the prospect
Some days I spend the day dwelling on things so much so that I get confused between reality and those things that are a figment of my imagination
Some days I can’t get out of bed
Some days all I need is a hug
Some days I work myself up so much so that I end up having a panic attack – something that’s new to me

Some days Paw Patrol is on for a lot longer than it should be

Some days I feel anxious and nothing or no one can help
Some days I could sleep the whole day
Other days I struggle to even fall asleep

All of the above is very real to me and unfortunately something that my loved ones have to deal with. None of my feelings are directly related to my feelings towards my unborn baby, I don’t really understand what they’re related to. It’s like a little gloomy devil that resides in my head and every so often makes an appearance. And when he does, boy does he come with a vengeance. How can I feel so sad at one of the happiest times of our lives?

My pregnancy is flying by and I don’t feel like I’ve had the chance to enjoy it at all. I often sit back and reflect on our journey – I can’t even believe that we’re pregnant, let alone 2/3s of the way there. That makes me really happy, it fills me with joy. Unfortunately, that feeling of ecstasy isn’t always the overriding one.

I’m often consumed by a cloud of sadness and I have no real understanding of why.  Despite what social media may display, I have really low days. This isn’t how I imagined my second pregnancy to be. I was so excited at the prospect of being pregnant and don’t get me wrong I can’t wait to grow our family and for Arjun to be a big brother, I just don’t feel how I expected to feel. I want to be bouncy and constantly happy, I want to be talking to my baby and bonding with him or her, I want to be busy coming up with a plan of baby groups I intend on attending, I want to be eagerly shopping, writing to my baby – all the things I did with my first pregnancy, but I can’t seem to be able to.

The only thing I’ve bought is a new towel. My shopping list is minimal this time and perhaps that’s why I’m not able to get “in to it” as it still doesn’t feel as real as the first time where I was frantically trying to get things organised. I’m physically unable to get baby bits ready at the moment due to the current state of the house.

Admittedly we have a hell of a lot of change happening in our lives at the moment – a new baby on the way, an extension that is in full swing, Arjun and I have had to move to my parents while the crux of the work is done, I’m unable to prepare the baby’s clothes as our house is full of dust and isn’t anywhere near in order yet. I have no idea if all the change is what’s caused so much disruption for me mentally or if that this was always going to be the case.

As I was diagnosed with PND early on post birth with Arjun, this time around it was picked up on my first midwife appointment. If you’ve had it before, you’re at a higher risk of having it again and apparently it can come back a lot worse. I’m really grateful to the NHS for intervening early this time and holding my hand through a really strange journey.

My last pregnancy was so different. I felt happy, excited and elated. I’m not sure if knowing how I felt post birth last time has scarred me and tainted my view somewhat and is what is making this pregnancy much harder. Or perhaps I’m not giving myself enough credit for all the change I’m also experiencing, the guilt surrounding Arjun, the lack of stability.

After my initial midwife appointment, I was referred to the antenatal psychiatrist to be assessed. Where before the word “psychiatrist” would have freaked me out, I knew it didn’t have the stigma attached to it that some people may associate with it, especially in my culture – it didn’t mean that I’ve totally lost it, it just meant I needed a little bit of help and support and she’d be the best placed person to decide what that support should be.

I met with her and we had a chat, I cried, I laughed, she rode my emotions with me and then we agreed a plan of action going forward. I’ve had counseling previously, both after my car accident and when I had Arjun and I knew that over cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), talking therapy works best for me. Sometimes I just need to air out my emotions and feelings to an independent impartial party to rationalise my thoughts. I was referred to a company called “Talking Therapies” who work with the NHS with those that may be in a similar situation to me.

I was contacted very quickly by Talking Therapies and began weekly over the phone counseling sessions – something I was so grateful they offered. The thought of having to drive anywhere or arrange childcare for Arjun would have put me off. I found the sessions so therapeutic and relieving. I was able to cry and talk about my weekly worries and stresses, and speaking about them alone helped. My counselor was lovely and so supportive.

After a few sessions, I was invited to a “Well Being” group at the hospital. I was really apprehensive about going. I didn’t really feel like facing anyone. I managed to force myself to go. The class consisted of about 8 other people, many women had bought their partners along. Something I wish I’d done with Preetam for him to understand my psyche a little more. We went through the different types of stress and worry, the reaction to stress and anxiety and relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises, mindfulness and imagery therapy. We were also given a mindfulness CD to take away – which I’m yet to find time to listen to!

After the Well Being Class, I was contacted by Talking Therapies again who recommended face to face counseling. Luckily, my GP surgery is on the same street as my house so it didn’t mean I had to go far. I had my first session and unfortunately left feeling a lot worse than I did when I went in. I didn’t feel like I had a great rapport with the counselor and I felt he led my thoughts a little too much down a very negative path, he almost validated my negative thoughts. Usually, I’d just continue and suck it up and suffer in silence. However, I decided to contact Talking Therapies and request a new therapist as I really didn’t want to make myself worse – for the sake of my family and my children. I have been contacted by a new therapist who I’ll be seeing in a few weeks and hopefully I’ll have a better experience! I’m so grateful to the NHS for providing such extensive support. 

I’ve also started 121 pregnancy yoga – a lot of the session we focus on meditation and relaxation to calm my mind. I’ve found it’s really helped investing time in myself.

Coming to stay at my parents’ house has definitely made a difference. Perhaps I needed a change of scenery and to focus on myself for a little while. Almost to recharge my batteries, clear my mind and be fed my favourite foods! Lol.  I’m really looking forward to our house being done and to be reunited as a family.

I’m so grateful to have Arjun by my side holding my hand through a rocky journey. He is my knight in shining armour. I feel guilty when he witnesses me cry – that he has to carry the burden of that, but his sweet words of “mummy no crying, cuddles” and the warmth of his embrace is enough to restore me with the faith and energy that I WILL be ok.

I try and focus on the beautiful picture that lays ahead (God willing):
a new baby
our new humble castle
my family reunited
… a bright future.

I’m so thankful to my husband for his patience even when it’s difficult to understand and I’m an emotional wreck, my dearest friends Amrit and Sav for always being my pillars of support that prop me up anytime I’m down, and to my family for always being there and riding every single emotion with me.

If you’re having feelings of sadness, doubt, loneliness and you can’t seem to shake it off, please reach out for help – if you don’t want to go through your GP, you can always self refer. I’ve had so much support and I was so pleasantly surprised with what a long way the NHS has come in the last two years with recognising PND and mental health in pregnant women and new mums. I have no idea what state I’d be in right now if I hadn’t utilised the resources that are available to me.

I’m feeling a lot better recently compared to a few months ago, but I still have my off days. At least I know I’m doing whatever I can to reduce the risk of slipping in to a dangerous space post birth.

Don’t suffer in silence, don’t suffer alone, speak out. I’m no expert, and I’m definitely still on a long journey, but as so many of you have already, I’m always here to listen too.  Thank you for sharing your journey with me too. Together, we are stronger!

x

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I Wish … 

Isn’t it crazy that almost all of us wish the days away – like how a lot of us count down to Friday from a Monday. Literally wishing time away. Life is so precious, why do we do that? 

It’s the same with a baby … Those comforting words from friends and relatives through your turbulent time…

  “Don’t worry he’ll be sleeping through the night soon”

 “Don’t worry, all babies are clingy at some phase, it’ll pass”

“Don’t worry, soon he’ll have all his teeth”.
 
Actually, I wish I hadn’t worried, I wish I had thought …

“Harps he’ll be sleeping through the night soon, make the most of your precious cuddles” …

“Harps he won’t be ‘clingy’ forever, make the most of being his entire world” …

“Harps soon he’ll have all his teeth, make the most of his innocent gummy smile” 

And now I’m sat here in tears watching this video …

How beautiful is the sound of his laughter? 

When I think of it, it feels like a life time ago, but actually, I remember everything about that day. The joy I felt at hearing Arjun laugh from his belly then is the exact same joy I feel now. Maybe more now as that time has passed. He still has the most joyful laugh that melts my heart but he’s no longer a baby. 

Long gone are the days I associate with that time period when that video was taken that I almost wished away … The terrible sleepless nights, the teething, the attachment – all of which resulted in him relying on us more than ever. Why didn’t I cherish those moments a little more? My baby is an independent little boy now. As much as I love his independence and him finding his own, I struggle with the thought that before I know it, it’ll be the next stage. 

It’s crazy to think that our parents embarked on this journey too – we too once had tiny hands and fingers, and now look. I wonder if they reminisce? Whether they feel that same wave of emotion that I do? 

As I have thousands of pictures (approx 20,000 to be precise!) and videos (approx 4,000!) to reflect back on, it’s really made me realise how time is just slipping through my fingers like sand. It’s strange because I barely have the chance to reminisce but when a picture is placed before me, an infinite amount of emotion floods me. It all comes back to me as though it was just yesterday. Something I’m grateful for with my shoddy memory. I so badly want to freeze time. I so badly want to enjoy every single moment. I so wish I could relive some of those moments over and over again. 

Staying at my parents has enabled me to spend more focused time with Arjun and really appreciate the simple things – like going for a walk with him and admiring natures beauty – something I take for granted in the hustle and bustle of life but something that he redraws my attention to through his innocence and simplicity in life.

Here, I’m not rushing around trying to blog, clean the house, cook, sew while here. It’s 7am and I’m still lying in bed with the sound of his little snore beside me. Here, my time is predominantly spent on him. How I wish that was life always!! He’s more affectionate than ever and can express himself verbally too and it’s so precious. 

As much as having heavy building work done at home, being away from Preetam while being pregnant and having a toddler in tow has been really challenging to say the least, my silver lining is the break I’ve luckily been given to enjoy this time while being oblivious to the chaos that is my house! Soon we’ll all be back together as a family and my normal crazy life will resume … Oh and there’ll be a baby to throw in to the mix!! 

As you’ve probably gathered, I don’t do too well with change. Even positive change. I really struggle to accept and “go with the flow”. It’s not the greatest way to be as it means I never really live in the moment. While being sad at the thought of Arjun growing up, I’m wasting valuable time that I could be spending with him and cherishing today. The anxiety and guilt I feel at the thought of him having to share me with another tiny more reliant human is immense. But that’s something I’ll write about separately. 

I’m so grateful for my blog, for my little corner of the Internet, for my virtual time capsule to capture as many memories as I can. I said it then, and I’ll say it again, “nothing lasts forever“, I need to take my own advice and try and live for today and enjoy every single precious moment before it slips away … x