So excited to be featured in the Tots100 Bloggers in Business!
You can check out the full article here.
Excited! Baby Brain Apparel … Tots100 Bloggers in Business
The “Perfect Mum”
I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t …
1) If I leave him places, I’m a rubbish mum for not spending every precious moment with him. If I don’t, I’m an over protective one.
2) If I rock him to calm him, I’m spoiling him. If I let him have a dummy to pacify him, I’m being an selfish mum as he’s going to end up with slowed speech.
3) If I let him try a little bit of everything food wise, I’m a slacker mum for letting him eat “junk”. If I’m too fussy, I’m a secret-eater-producing mum.
4) If I bottle feed, I’m a lazy and uncaring mum that’s not providing the best for her child. If I’m a battling breastfeeding mum, I’m being a stubborn mum for not accepting that bottle may be best in my case as I’ll be better rested for my baby. When I tried to breastfeed post a traumatic birth, I was a knackered-in pain-low energy mum but at least my child got the best nutrition right?
5) If I let him self soothe, I’m an evil mum. If I cuddle him to comfort him, I’m a clingy-baby-making mum.
6) If I discipline him, I’m being a military mum. If I don’t, I’m a spoilt-brat-creating mum.
7) If I send him to relatives instead of nursery, I’m an irresponsible mum for relying on others. If I send him to nursery, I’m being an awful mother for not ensuring he receives one on one care.
8) If I let him do messy play, I’m encouraging him to cause chaos and turn the house upside down and therefore I’m a shambolic and untidy mum. If I don’t, I’m being a highly strung mum.
9) If I give him the iPad, I’m being a negligent mum by harming his emotional and social development. If I don’t, I’m being a harsh mum by depriving him of educational apps and early learning for what he’ll be using later at school.
10) If I let him feed himself, I’m being an inattentive mum as I won’t know how much he’s eaten as half of it ends up on the floor. If I feed him, I’m being a controlling mum by not letting him learn key skills himself.
The daily struggles of a parent and dealing with labels and conflicting advice. We all get unwelcome advice. We all have that know it all in our lives that tells us the best way to do it – the best way for them, in their opinion It’s so easy to judge others without realising their full situation. There’s a balance isn’t there?
Unfortunately we live in a society where people are more often than not quick to point out what they believe are flaws with parenting, what you could do better, how their way works. What about those that tell you you’re doing amazing?
Like all parents, I’ve faced many decisions in my journey of parenthood and initially I really struggled with the raging hormones and the mixed messages I was receiving from friends, family and even strangers. But over time I realised there is no universal perfect way to parent but ultimately, if your baby is a happy one, you’re a perfect mum regardless of what anyone else thinks!x
Mother’s Day Top Tip eBook
I was recently contacted by Adam to share a top Mother’s Day health tip to be featured in a Mother’s Day eBook as part of a campaign alongside SHEilds. Super exciting as this is my first contribution to a published eBook!
I had to think long and hard and aside from the obvious ones, my top tip undoubtedly would be to “cherish every moment as nothing lasts forever”. Anytime I feel stressed by a tough day with Arjun, I remember that to keep myself cool, calm and collected (most of the time anyway!).
Equally, I’m a person that really struggles with change and letting go – something that’s not great for maintaining health either. My own advice is true of the happier times too. Now, regardless of what I’m doing – be it sewing, be it cooking, be it blogging, I pause if Arjun calls for me – be it to grab my hand to play lego, be it for a cuddle or to go outside – I know even those things won’t last forever and I want to cherish every single moment to fill my heart with happy and wholesome memories!
You can download the full Mother’s Day eBook here for free!
What’s your top Mother’s Day tip?
Wishing all you supermummies and those daddies playing the role of both parents, a very Happy Mother’s Day! x
To the Obnoxious Woman on the Flight Back Home (Flight EY017, Row 4)
To the woman that aggressively just told my son to “shh be quiet people are sleeping” on the day flight back from Abu Dhabi as you visited your friend behind us.
How dare you.
I understand it’s frustrating.
I understand it’s annoying.
I understand others are napping …
… But how dare you.
My son has just as much right as you to be on this plane. We’ve paid for our seats just like you have.
Apologies my son doesn’t know that adults want to nap during a day flight. That his body clock is set to Abu Dhabi time and actually it’s 7pm in Abu Dhabi right now and 3pm in London so by no time zone recently known to him is it bed time. Do excuse my child for being so amateur in his ability to understand. He’s a baby. He’s done extremely well on this flight in my opinion so screw you.
And FYI, we deliberately picked a day flight as we felt it would be less disruptive him being awake during the day than during a night flight which was the case when we went to Dubai. So yes we did consider fellow passengers.
Do you think we haven’t encouraged Arjun to keep his voice down? Do you think I’m enjoying my son making “whooshing” sounds whilst he jumps around while others are napping? At least he’s not crying right?
He’s happy.
He’s smiling.
He’s playing.
The sound of his laugh is such a beautiful one. How could you react so unkindly?
He slept for a whole 2.5 hours earlier. Perhaps your schedule should run by his. Just like your expecting his to run by yours? Perhaps YOU and your friend should have slept during that time.
I wonder if you have children. If you appreciate how difficult it is to control them. If you do have children, have you forgotten?
When and if I hear you say anything with such a harsh tongue to him again, I’ll be having a polite word. I forgave you this time for your ignorance – when you spoke so rudely to my son, you did so knowing he is unable to defend himself at his tender age. You assumed his daddy couldn’t hear you as he had his headphones on and you assumed I was asleep – what you didn’t realise was, I’m wide awake and heard your malicious piercing ugly voice. With that my blood boiled.
How dare you.
When a complete stranger speaks so rudely and with such a sharp tongue towards MY child , a whole new side of me comes out that I didn’t know existed. A side you probably don’t want to see.
I hope you’re actually not that full of anger on a day to day basis because it must be pretty draining if so. I hope you were just having a bad couple of minutes and my son was at the receiving end.
And just to be clear; I don’t have a problem with your message, I have a problem with your delivery.
I hope you have a peaceful remaining flight and I pray that you are blessed with a softer tongue at least with children.
P.s whoever you came to visit in the seat behind us, feel free to tell them to use the ear plugs provided. They serve a purpose 🙂
My Little Knight in Shining Armour … My Arjun
Not only am I so blessed to be the mother of such a special little boy, but I’m so grateful to God for honouring me with the title of motherhood. Arjun is by far my greatest blessing in ways that I don’t even know yet – in new ways that I am learning about constantly.
I’ve never really written about what I’m about to go in to before as I’ve not felt comfortable to previously as a) because I didn’t want to plant seeds with my crazy thoughts in the minds of any one that reads my blog posts b) I guess (like most people) I’m afraid of being judged and perhaps being labelled. But now that I feel like I’m challenging my sometimes irrational behaviour, I feel I’m ready to write about it. More so now, because I feel like my son understands some of my fears and insecurities and is helping me to challenge them by leading the way. When I say leading the way, I literally mean leading the way by dragging me out of the house and giving me no choice but to face my fears!
So here goes … I’ve always been a little bit paranoid, and I don’t know what the root cause of it is, but since having Arjun I’ve become a lot worse – I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m hyper sensitive now that my motherly instinct has kicked in and it’s just heightened what was already there. Perhaps it was a particular burglary we had when I lived at my parents where someone broke in while we slept upstairs.
To most (if not all) people, it’ll sound so ridiculous but on a daily basis I struggle with so many irrational battles (I KNOW they’re irrational) – everything is quite a task. Every single action is meticulously planned based on my thought process which is embedded with my fears. Here are a few examples of the daily anxiety I deal with:
· Preetam has to wait for me to load Arjun in to the car and let me get in and lock the car doors every morning before closing the front door. I’m so worried about a random person jumping out of no where and the thought alone makes me feel panicked.
· I’m too scared to take Arjun alone to the park or for a walk because of all the scary things I see on the news. Even knowing that those things don’t happen more than they do, I can’t seem to process it rationally!
· I’m too scared to go in to our garden when home alone with him.
· Returning home from work is a military operation for me to be able to hold my laptop bag, my handbag, Arjun’s nursery bag, my house keys AND Arjun in one go to get in the house without having to go back to the car. Slamming the front door shut behind me once back is a relief. Especially if Preetam isn’t home before me.
· When Preetam used to go to the gym, instead of watching TV, the CCTV channel would constantly be on in our house.
A tad crazy huh?
Arjun’s come in to my life, and especially more recently since he’s become a proper little person, has distracted me so much from my normal. He’s only recently started calling me “Mama” and he has no idea how much power his little voice uttering those words so lovingly to me has on me. It makes me feel empowered, strong and fearless … ok maybe not fearless, but it certainly has made me want to puff out my chest, put on my big girl panties and deal with my anxiety and fears.
It’s amazing, although he can’t talk properly yet, and I don’t really talk about my fears often in the house enough for him to have heard, he seems to have some strange understanding of them. And it’s exactly that – an understanding. He oozes patience (most of the time) and his mannerism when dealing with me is quite different to how he deals with Preetam in those situations. He’s a lot more gentle and patient – he has no idea how much he has helped me deal with things. How does he know? He’s only 19 months old. His pace has been perfect – just right without me tipping over the edge. His confidence is endearing and inspiring.
He loves being outdoors, and the guilt that possessed me by not being able to fully support him in his new adventures tore me to pieces. His “support” coupled with my guilt, my desire to want to be by his side in everything that he does and never wanting him to sense my fear and as a result become full of fear himself has encouraged me to think less and face my fears of being outdoors alone with him.
He takes my hand and clasps tight – almost like he’s reassuring me. My little baby is making me feel safe. How strange. Should I feel guilty? I’m his mother, I’m his protector. It shouldn’t be the other way around. I now happily go for a walk with him, knowing he’s by my side. I do still find myself looking over my shoulder and wouldn’t dream of letting go of his hand but I feel a little more confident. We’re able to enjoy the outdoors more and learn new words like “tree” and “sky”. I still wouldn’t take him to the park alone.
I’m able to go in the garden with him – I don’t always feel 100% comfortable, but he doesn’t give me the chance to over think as he plays and calls me over in the sweetest voice to show me something new he’s stumbled on (usually a piece of grass!). I still have a long way to go to learn to live in that moment – that moment where that piece of grass is the most fascinating thing to him and where that’s all that should matter. Not the constant niggling feeling of being hyper sensitive to my surroundings.
We now play with play doh or do colouring when daddy is out without the TV on. And if it is on, it’s filled with bright and bouncing images as opposed to the dreary colours of CCTV. Bruno is always close by to ensure we’re safe.
I may not be as comfortable as most mummies, but I’ll get there and for me, the minor progress I’ve made is pretty major.
Thank you Arjun for making me challenge myself, for holding my hand as I face my fears and for always being by my side to cross hurdles that have resided in me for years – even before you were here. Thank you for being so patient and for understanding. Being given the title of “Mama” has given me a whole new purpose to life. I’m your biggest cheerleader and will continue to be your biggest supporter x
It all sounds so crazy, especially putting it all down. I don’t even know if I’ll end up publishing this blog post because of it. Sometimes people are quick to belittle fears and anxieties without realising the impact it has on the day to day lives of those suffering with it. To some, it’s irrational behaviour, to me, it’s being hyper aware of my surroundings. Finding a sensible equilibrium between the two is my challenge.
If I do publish this post, it’s because a) I’ve had a moment of madness or b) there is a chance (as with many of my other posts that I’ve been afraid to share) that others out there may be able to relate to some degree. When I started my blog, I opened up my life to you – that includes the good, bad and the ugly. I’m always really conscious of not filtering how I feel as I want to be open and honest – something I’ve always prided myself in with my blog.
x
19 Months … Arjy’s Antics & an Update!
19 months?! Seriously! I can’t comprehend this whole time moving so fast thing. I’m really struggling with it. I can’t believe soon I’ll be planning his second birthday!
Here’s an update …
- He now weighs 29.2lbs
- He’s speaking a lot more
- He has so many teeth (I’ve never been allowed close enough to count!)
- He’s in size 18-24 month clothes but can pull off 2-3 with bottoms
New words:
- “Nine”
- “Thataa” = Chacha
- “Mmm” when he’s enjoying his food
- “Bru” to “Bruno”
- “Dirty”
- “Bookh” (semi pronunciation of the k!)
His latest antics:
- He likes to brush his teeth (hallelujah!)
- He loves having a bath (again hallelujah!) but there’s a tantrum most nights when we take him out (because the water has gone cold as he’s been in there for so long!)
- He’s obsessed with being outdoors!
- He puts me and daddy to sleep and snoring when we both closed our eyes
- He had days for the first time where he didn’t want to come home after nursery 🙁
- Baby Brain Apparel’ing himself!
- This month saw the first time daddy’s been left totally alone to have Arjun for up to two nights as I’ve had to travel for work (you can tell from the picture below that daddy really made an effort with styling Arj’s hair – not! Lol)
- Sometimes when he’s done poo he’ll hold his nappy and say “uh oh”
- He pokes his tongue out anytime he sees a camera! Cheeky little thing!
- Obsessed with nursery and cries when you go to pick him up – he ignores us on our arrival!
- He loves sticking things up his nose hair grips tissue and crayons
- If he goes missing, you know you’ll find him somewhere with a roll of tissue in tow!
- He now also loves sticking things in his ears too!
- He had his first ride alone at Willow’s Farm!
- He had his first experience of muddy puddles and absolutely loved it!
- He does this action when he’s confused (like “whaaaat??”):
- He loved the farm and feeding the animals there
- He’s still crazy about dogs – he cried in the fields when we stopped him from going up to a dog there
- His daily routine post nursery is to grab our shoes, grab his shoes and point to the door towards the garden. Once in the garden he calls “Bru” and runs around with him. After that he demands to go in the garage but also insists on Bruno going in too! (Whatta pic!)
- He loves touching the buttons on the washing machine … Grr!
- He’s started drinking from a cup!
- He regularly pinches my make up and I’ve lost so much of it as a result!
- He’s a proper “boy” where he loves climbing on things especially sofas… A right dare devil!
- He always helps me with putting the shopping away
- He’s started “weighing” himself on the calculator
- He tells Bruno to get down at any opportunity … He’s so bossy!
- Regularly wears his bottoms on his head
- He started football this month and loves it!
- He tried to feed me Cheerios through FaceTime
- Loves to read – he asks for “Boo” (book) every night and it can go on for aaaages!
- He likes to “paint” my nails and also demanded having his painted (shh don’t tell daddy!)
X
Why do I HAVE to leave my son anywhere?
Preetam and I are often the receivers of the words “you guys really need to start leaving Arjun places”.
This is a huge bugbear of mine. Why do we NEED to or HAVE to?
Every couple/family/child is different and we all do what works for us and our situation. I’ve always been an advocate of respecting everyone’s decisions and opinions and focusing on my own path rather than dictating to others – my own situation at times has made me sensitive to being aware that not everyone is in the same boat.
I work Monday-Wednesday during which time Arjun goes to nursery. He’s learnt so much there and is so happy to socialise with others. He eats well, plays nicely and gets to do all sorts of arts and crafts and on top of everything he gets to go in the garden and splash in puddles! Although a struggle at the beginning, as is the case with most kids settling in at nursery, he’s now at the stage where he waves us goodbye in the morning when we drop him off and he cries when we go to pick him up as he wants to stay there!
On Thursdays and Fridays I like us to spend as much time as possible together to make up for the last three days. Sometimes we’ll have a home day (very rare) but the rest of the time we spend meeting Arjun’s baby friends, seeing family and visiting the Gurdwara. I feel like my time is so precious with him, why would I want to leave him longer than I’ve already done the last three days? Why is it bad that I don’t want to leave him during the time I do have with him? What’s the point in me working three days?
We get to see Arjun’s grandparents at least once a week and he spends quality time with them – from giggles with Dadi Ji during science experiments, to playing with his cars with Dada Ji, to playing in the office with Nana Ji and playing vaja and tabla with Nani Ji, to terrorising the dogs at both houses, he has an absolute blast at both houses and is spoilt rotten by his masis, chacha and pua.
I know many couples would probably frown upon us for not spending any “us” time but the truth is, neither one of us would really feel complete without Arjun there. Date night wouldn’t be date night without our mini. Why is that bad? The only difference now is we have an even stronger common goal – Arjun.
If there was a reason we needed to leave Arjun, we would and I have done in the past. But on the regular, both Preetam and I struggle with the limited time we have as a family and we want to enjoy every minute of Arjun growing up. It won’t be long before he’s wanting to go and stay at places himself. But for now, we’re happy with him here with us as there is no real reason to leave him.
Apologies for the slight rant but it’s something I find super frustrating!
I don’t judge you, please don’t judge me.
x
Hair You Go!
I always get asked random questions about my hair – be it through the blog, when we’re out shopping by strangers or from friends, family and colleagues! Not surprising – after all it has a life of its own! Haha!
My hair is long, thick and full of volume naturally. I often wish I had naturally straight hair. I look like I’ve been electrocuted most of the time post hair wash!
In answer to common questions, hair you go:
1) I don’t use a hair piece – I didn’t even need one on my wedding as I have enough volume!
2) My hair isn’t naturally straight, it’s super curly and frizzy!
3) It doesn’t take me a gazillion hours to do my hair each day – it takes anywhere between 60-90 seconds!
4) I’ve never dyed my hair, it’s near enough jet black naturally but when I do go to get it dyed, my first time will be with Julius Michael even though it’ll involve a 10 hour plane journey!
5) I don’t back comb it daily and when I do it’s very quick and rough – to undo the backcomb, I comb upwards from the bottom of my hair
6) It takes me about 45 minutes to straighten my hair
7) The only product I use in my hair is Moroccan hair oil
8) I can’t use a normal hair band in my hair as its super thick and won’t hold – so I have to use the elastic headbands and double them up!
9) Normal high street hair grips don’t work in my hair, I have to buy sturdier ones online
10) The most number of hair grips ever used in my hair when I’ve had it done is 130..!
11) I never leave my hair naturally curly, at the most I wave it using my hair straightener
12) My hair length is currently midway between my elbows and my bum! I’ve always had long hair and love it.
13) My signature is definitely my bouffant!
Do you have any hair tips for hair like mine? I’d love to be able to leave it naturally curly but have never found the right products!
x
Our Trip to Willow’s Farm … A Review
I absolutely love this place so much! There are several things to do here all in one place and you’re guaranteed to have a good time. We first took Arjun with our friends when he was about 11 months old and although we loved it at that time too, this time was even better as Arjun is now walking and got to experience a lot more of what they have to offer.
The farm is about a 25 minute journey from us and is located in St Albans in Hertfordshire. The entry cost is £8.50 per adult and under 2s are free. In my opinion this is fantastic value for money based on all that’s available in one place.
Our trip on New Years eve has got to be one of my most favourite days out with Arjun. It bought me so much joy watching him enjoy himself as much as he did and seeing different sides of his personality shine through.
I’ve included pictures from our New Years Eve trip and also our first trip just before Arjun’s birthday.
Here’s why we love Willow’s Farm:
• Lots to do!: It’s amazing with a toddler as there’s so much to do. Arjun often gets bored after a while, but here there’s so much to do, he was constantly engaged. We didn’t even end up needing the buggy as he was happy to run around himself!
• Feeding Animals: Arjun loved feeding the animals. Although the outdoor animals weren’t present due to the cold, we still got to feed some animals indoors. He loves feeding the dogs at home so this was no different.
• Animal Petting: Arjun got to pet a guinea pig while Preetam and I held him (I was terrified but I did it for Arj!). Arjun is definitely a feeder – the poor guniea pig ended up surrounded by food with no real appetite! Arjun cried his eyes out when we gave the guniea pig back. He also loved petting the horses and kept pointing to them. Not sure if he thought they were giant versions of Bruno! Haha!
• Sandpit and Water Area: Arjun LOVED this! He really enjoyed splashing about in the water and playing with the ample sand toys available there. There are lots of wooden tractors and diggers here too with different mechanisms to do different things, for example pump water. It’s so educational and fun for kids.
• JCB Tractor Area: Arjun loves his JCB truck and we actually bought it for him following on from our first visit to the farm. This is a great mini tractor area with lots of different sized ride on tractors and diggers.
• Agility Area: there’s an area for older kids including things like zip wires.
• Swings and Slides: There’s a play area which we didn’t go to this time but Arjun loved the swings and slides the last time,
• Treasure Hunt: during the summer they have a treasure hunt challenge whereby you search for 5 gold pieces in exchange for a medal. The dad’s got even more excited by this than the kids!
• Bouncy Castle: During the summer there are lots of inflatable fun play zones for children of all ages. Arjun played on the bouncy castle the last time we went and his older toddler buddies also went on the huge inflatable slide.
• Toddler Ice Rink: During Christmas they have a supercool toddler ice rink which we didn’t get to try out but definitely will be next year!
• Crafts Area: Again, we ran out of time but this is also something that is offered in the Busy Bees marquee.
• Tractor Ride: This is like a train ride whereby you get to see around the farm. We enjoyed going on this in the Summer as we got to see around the grounds. It also gave us all a little break from walking!
• Funfair Rides: there are three little rides for babies and toddlers. The last time, I sat with Arjun on a ride however on New Years Eve he decided he wanted to go alone – my baby is all grown up! 🙁 He went on it twice, and had fun steering his little car’s wheel. He had a huge meltdown when it came to getting off!
• Soft Play: “Toddler Town” Their soft play is absolutely brilliant! I wish I could transform my house in to something similar as it looks like so much fun! They have several different areas with different settings and Arjun really enjoyed playing here. They also have a play zone for older children which looked like heaps of fun!
• Play Zone: they have a giant play zone for older children similar to Snakes and Ladders which we’ve not yet used as Arjun’s too small.
• Food!: The snacks available for children is phenomenal. I’ve not seen such a wide variety for children in a farm before – from cheese, to individual triangle sandwiches in several flavours, to grapes, to yoghurt, to raisins, they have LOTS! Even for vegetarians. Their adult selection of food is also brilliant.
And if the above isn’t enough, Willow’s Farm also offers lots of muddy puddles in the rain! Something that definitely kept Arjun entertained!
Have you ever been to Willow’s? x
Arjun’s 1st Birthday Cake Smash Pictures by East West Photography … A Few Months Later!
Better late than never right?! … Given Arjun turned 19 months today, I thought this was a relevant throwback!
We had a fun filled photoshoot at the East West Photography studio for Arjun’s first birthday. He stayed by the cake even after the shoot was done – no surprises there right?! Here are a few shots 🙂
x
