My Journey Archives - Page 7 of 14

Posted on December 15, 2015December 15, 2015 by Harps — 2 Comments

CryMummy! … A Memoir

Today when I picked Arjun up, it was a pretty standard nursery pick up. I walked in, gazed around the room wondering where my little monster was. I caught a glimpse of a sleeping baby with two curly bunches and assumed it was him (but it was actually a little girl!) … And then the nursery staff told me he was tucked away in the ball pool.

I don’t know why but whenever I walk in to nursery, my heart bursts with so much emotion seeing Arjun. It’s really odd and I thought I’d feel it less as time passed, but if anything it grows each day. I often find myself day dreaming about Arjun when I’m not with him. The journey from work to nursery feels like the longest journey ever and I literally run down the corridor when I get there!

Watching him play in the ball pool at nursery is different to watching him play at home. It’s a different environment. At home I don’t see him playing with other kids that often. And when he is playing with other kids, I’m usually too distracted entertaining the mummies to appreciate how heart warming it is watching my not so tiny grown up little boy. At home he’s in the comfort of our presence. I can’t quite articulate it but when I see him in a new surrounding, especially when he’s unaware of my presence, I get a feeling I can’t describe. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel a heaviness in my heart, I feel a lump in my throat but most of all I feel so proud – he amazes me every single day. We created that little human being. He lived inside me for 9 whole months and now here he is, thriving in this big world. Enjoying life’s simple pleasures. I always want him to be that way.

Perhaps I see his independent play in a magnified way when I think of him in the future – except now he’s still dependent on me. As he grows, so will his independence.

I need to remind myself to cherish the NOW. Relish those precious moments watching him play and interact gently with his buddies oblivious to my presence in the room. Cherish this time where he rushes over to me as soon as he hears my voice or spots me in the room when I go to pick him up – I can feel his tiny heart beating so fast against me as I embrace him with excitement. Make the most of the extra cuddles he wants before I put him in his car seat after nursery. I know it isn’t going to last forever.

Today, Arjun’s key worker handed me a little Christmas card he’d made for Preetam and I. And I know Arjun didn’t write the poem but when I got home and read it – it reduced me to tears. Why? Because those four little lines captured exactly how I feel above.

I don’t do well with change and I’m not sure how on earth I’m going to cope when he’s a grown little boy not interested in making hand printed homemade cards for us (though I doubt he even is now! Thank god for nursery nurses!). He’s growing so fast. How? How is time flying past this quick? I really wish I could hit the pause button. This is my favourite age.

These special little memories are ones I’ll cherish forever and I’m so grateful I started my blog to be able to capture and journal them. I’m also so grateful to Arjun’s nursery nurses and key worker for this special little gift in particular – it’s my favourite one so far x
Ps apologies for this not being amazingly written but it’s an unedited memo x

Posted on December 5, 2015December 5, 2015 by Harps — 1 Comment

Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s Gurpurab (Birthday) … How We Celebrated :)

Last week marked the Gurpurab (birthday) of our first Guru and the founder of Sikhism, Guru Nanak Dev Ji.

Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s basic messages were:

“Kirt karo”: earn an honest days labour
“Naam japo”: always remember God like a mother always has its baby in her thoughts to fight off the five vices known as kaam (lust), karodh (rage), lobh (greed), moh (attachment) and ahankar (ego)
“Vandh ke shakhao”: share what you have and always be humble

He also rejected the caste system and believed in equality both between religions, castes, men and women and rich and poor.

It’s really important for me that Arjun grows up knowing about our religion and roots. While I’m totally open and embracing of other cultures, especially living in England, it’s also really important for me to ensure we mark such occasions to the same degree as we do others such as Christmas.

I always try to mark special occasions in Sikhi such as Guru Arjun Dev Ji’s birthday and Vaisakhi even if it’s just visiting the Gurdwara.
Last year for Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s birthday, a few friends and I took our (what were then), babies, for a day out and afternoon tea (more for us mummies!). After a few hours play at Snakes & Ladders, we all shared valuable lessons of Guru Nanak Dev Ji and learnt so much from each other. It was a really special day and something we promised we’d continue to do each year. They’re coming over this weekend to celebrate in our Winter Wonderland where all the mummies will tell stories about Guru Nanak Dev Ji and we’ll have a little crafts session around equality.

This year, on the actual day, I was really unwell with sinusitis and barely had any energy to do anything but I was determined to go to the Gurdwara with Arjun. After dropping him to nursery, I listened to blissful kirtan on Desi Radio on my journey home. It was beautiful and I ended up sitting in the car parked in the drive to carry on listening because I just didn’t feel like moving! I felt so calm and peaceful.

The night before, the DIY Winter Wonderland went up – we thought we’d decorate the house early for Christmas to also celebrate the birth of Guru Nanak Dev Ji.
As I wasn’t feeling too good, I happily played creative director while allowing the others to decorate and jumped in every so often (mainly to fix there mishaps hehe). We’ve included a picture of Guru Nanak Dev Ji in our Winter Wonderland too.

Arjun was ecstatic when he saw it and was so overjoyed. He kept cuddling me and kissing me. It was adorable! He squealed with excitement and couldn’t contain himself – I’ve never seen him react like that before. It made it so worth it!

His Gurpurab gift was a cute little Bosch tool belt to match his daddy’s. He’s obsessed with tools and “fixing” things so we thought this would fit!

We just about managed to get to the Gurdwara with my sister to do matha. He insisted I held him all the way up to Maharaj (Guru Granth Sahib), got down and did matha by himself and then stood up with his hands together infront of Maharaj. It was so so adorable and I felt so proud of my little boy. I wish I could have photographed it! I literally had to pull him away (and had to deal with a few kicks as a result!).
We listened to kirtan for five minutes, or tried to anyway! Arjun was up to his usual antics of running up and down the path to do matha – I’m definitely STILL THAT mum at the Gurdwara! He enjoyed his langar and insisted on breaking his roti (chapatti) himself.

I was so glad we made it to the Gurdwara although it wasn’t for as long as I’d hoped.

How did you celebrate Gurpurab?x

Posted on December 1, 2015April 25, 2020 by Harps — 12 Comments

Mummypreneur! … Why I Decided to Get “Milk Drunk”!

Some of you may have seen that I’ve ventured out and started my own kid’s clothing line – Baby Brain Apparel. You may be wondering why? … Well I’ve always had a super creative side which I’m always bursting to use.

This has been prevalent through previous hobbies turned businesses such as Passion Froot – where one of my close friends Sav and I created beautiful (if i do say so myself!) hand carved fruit displays. We did it for several years and really enjoyed it and worked with leading caterers and venues in the industry – I still get phone calls today for enquiries! It may be something I pursue again once Arjun is a little older but the hours were anti social with a baby so we put that on pause.

I also have a huge passion for events planning as you may have guessed from Arjun’s first birthday celebrations. A few months prior to falling pregnant, I was in the early days of starting up my own events company, and then I fell pregnant and again it wasn’t something that I could pursue whilst being pregnant let alone with a baby. My pregnancy wasn’t straight forward and I knew I had to ensure I was taking care of myself. When Arjun arrived, I wanted to ensure I was able to spend as much time with my newborn as possible, and that’s exactly what I did!

You may or may not know, but my actual job is as a Finance Manager. Getting creative with Excel and a calculator has its limitations on my creative juices flowing (as much as I love Excel!) and I was reminded of that when returning to work after a year off from maternity leave. I’m fortunate enough to have two days off with Arjun whereby I’m free to explore my creativity. It was definitely time for me to start thinking about getting my hands stuck in a new venture – one that would enable me to exercise my creativity but also allow me to be at home with Arjun on my days off and most importantly, one that I enjoyed.

I remember that evening, I was exploring the idea with my best friend Amrit and her husband-to-be Nake. I get told often by family and friends and even work colleagues that I’m destined for other things but I often struggle with the confidence to go out there and do it. They gave me the nudge that I needed and coaxed me in to just going for it, and I did just that!

That same evening, I began doodling and exploring ideas with Preetam and my sisters and sister in law. The inspiration for my tees was easy – Arjun. His character is so prominent and his characteristics are such that many mummies can relate to through the daily antics of their own munchkins. His personality shines through so bright, so much so that we’re often stopped in public when he’s spotted and our blog followers want to meet the mini celebrity himself – so many people have commented that they feel they know him just through the blog and Instagram where his daily antics are shared.

The following day, I designed my tees on Microsoft Paint (haha!) and the rest is history!

Here’s an outline of the tees:

• #Babygains: As the son of a gym buff, Arjun is often spotted squatting, lifting and loading up on carbs prior to a little crossfit session in the lounge! This unisex tee is for the fellow spontaneous squatters, multi sippy cup lifters and for all babies growing big and strong!

• Curls for the Girls: His curls are definitely his signature stamp! This unisex tee is for the little princesses with luscious locks or for the little boys donning their curly crown who never fail to impress the girls!

• Milk Drunk: You often find Arjun slumped on the sofa after his milk – “Milk Drunk” is the only way to describe him! This tee was designed for all the milk fuelled munchkins like Arjy.

• Food Thief: Arjun often pinches our food, even if he has the same food on his own plate! His favourite item to pinch are cookies and popcorn. The unisex “Food Thief” tee is for the cheeky little hands that never fail to pinch a cookie (or two!).

• Mini Musician: He often uses his wooden spoon, whisk and large spoon to bang on pots and pans to “make music” – a common trait amongst babies! The unisex ‘Mini Musician’ tee is for all those self proclaimed percussionists!

• Sleep Fighter: No matter how tired he is, he’ll fight his sleep and he’s always been that way since a young age. The unisex ‘Sleep Fighter tee was especially created for all the fellow little night owls!

• “Not your average Christmas Tee” – Sprout Dunk: I wanted our Christmas tee to be fun and not your bog standard design. Arjun has known to play basketball with his breakfast previously, so this was the inspiration for this tee – something a little different!

I’d also rekindled an old hobby of sewing and have been making Arjun his own leggings for a while now. I find it so therapeutic. I posted a picture of a pair I made for him once, and I received quite a few messages about whether I was selling them – that gave me food for thought and I decided to also introduce leggings to my clothing line.

The leggings range I’ve launched include fun and quirky designs. Our “Biscuit” leggings go perfectly with the “Food Thief” tee and come in both aqua and brown and lemon and pink.

We’ve also just launched our super cute “Cheeky Monkey” leggings available in three colours – brown, blue and yellow and we’ll soon be introducing grey too.

My brand was easy to personify – quirky, fun, cute and bold! I wanted most (if not all) of my clothing to be unisex and neutral. And of course my logo had to include clouds!

We love our tees and leggings and hope you do too! I wanted it to have a very personal feel – all my tees are hand designed, and all the leggings are handmade by me between managing a toddler, a house and a part time job! It’s really hardwork but I love every single minute of it and it’s something I can call mine! My heart swells with joy at the site of a tiny tot in our clothing – it makes me feel like the hard work has paid off! Here’s an adorable picture of the super cute Oakley rocking our “Mini Musician” tee:

This venture has enabled me to gain a sense of satisfaction which also ties in with the reward of motherhood as it’s related to and inspired by Arjy! Working Monday – Wednesday has given me the flexibility to give this a go – something that I’m very grateful for.

A special thank you to all my family, friends and blogging buddies – especially Rod at Modern Dad Pages, for their amazing support. A special thank you to my husband and sisters for their encouragement, my cousin Indy for his patience and my BFF Amrit and her fiancé Nake for pushing me to do it and also for the motivational talks and always believing in me!

The feedback on my designs has been incredible and overwhelming. I’m so thankful and feel super blessed. Who knows how far this will go, but I’m going to enjoy the ride!

I’d love to hear your feedback on our new venture and I hope I’m able to provide you and your baby fashionistas with personal and friendly customer service if you do choose to shop with us! 🙂

As an introductory offer to all my blog followers, I’m offering a 10% discount code until 6th December 2015 as a special gift on your Christmas orders :). Code: MEMOIRS10 @ www.BabyBrainApparel.com

Posted on November 29, 2015November 29, 2015 by Harps — 10 Comments

Sunday Morning Blues …

I’m feeling a bit sad … Really missing home. The joys of being an Indian girl.

Our family friends were over last night and she was telling me what she was going to be doing today – she’s unmarried and living at home with her family. She described her day and it made me feel so nostalgic – it took me right back to what my Sunday’s were like. Especially Sunday mornings, which were the same pretty much each week unless we had a wedding or function to attend.

The familiar sound of mum opening and shutting cupboard doors, the kitchen tap running with kirtan from Darbar Sahib on full blast downstairs, the beautiful aroma as she prepared Sunday morning brunch. Me wondering what flavour paronteh we’d be treated to today. Lying in bed, gazing outside my bedroom window hearing the familiar sound of the same bird that would come chirping every single morning, wondering when my sister Goov was going to wake up (she was a squatter in my room). Wondering whether she’d wake up in a good mood and I could push it by poking her or whether she’d be in a foul mood and me waking her would result in a crying melt down.

Ive always admired how much energy mum has. She’d be up before the crack of dawn (2am) to do her paat (Sikh prayers) and would be at the temple for 4 to do Simran (meditation), back home by 5, go for an hours walk and then go back to bed for a few hours. How does she survive on such little and broken sleep? Because she definitely has Guru Ji’s blessings. “How does she have the energy to make us brunch” I’d often think? She’s almost double my age but has twice as much energy as I do. I admire her so much. She’s the mother I wish I could be. She’s constantly rushing around after others. I worry about her. I wish she’d slow down sometimes. I guess it’s the same worry she has of me when she sees me trying to manage multiple things – but I don’t know any different. Maybe I learnt to be that way from mum.

I’d be expecting my dad to walk in any minute in between returning from the Gurdwara and walking Chico to see what we were doing and when we were going to be up. His gentle voice lovingly referring to us as his “love loves” (he even has us stored in his phone as that”). Chico and his bushy tail following closely behind dad. Jumping up on our bed and licking our faces dry – dogs, full of unconditional love.

Goov would be awake by now usually telling us she needs another ten minutes. Harv would be in the other room fast asleep or listening to music on her headphones. She was always the latest riser. I’d always wake up feeling warm and fuzzy just inhaling the beauty of my life and how blessed I was to have my family. How blessed we are. How hard my dad has worked to provide for us and give us the best life he possibly could – how everything he’s given us, however big or small, has always been full of love. Like all families, we’ve faced financial hardship. But whatever he’s done for us, he’s always given us the love and support every father should. He’s given us the best in every situation, he’s always done what he can. His eyes glisten with so much love. His voice and tongue always utter sweet words. You’ll rarely catch him angry. Wish I’d spent my years growing up learning to be like him. Learning patience.

Dad would have taken Chico out by now leaving us still in bed. Sunday mornings were always a bit of a slow mo process at my parents. But I loved it. I had the chance to pause and embrace, reflect and be thankful. I wasn’t woken half way through my sleep by my baby, I wasn’t rushed off my feet with social engagements, I didn’t have to take care of the running of a whole house let alone a baby. I wish I’d realised how much life changes post marriage. I mean I was never one of those girls that was just in love with the idea of my wedding day, I was always quite a realist and quite aware that things DO and WILL change, I just didn’t realise how much it would impact me. It isn’t that i don’t like my life now, I love it. It’s that I miss my life then. It hurts so bad, I long to be a young girl again living in the comfort of my parents home. I miss them so much. I always thought I’d see them all the time given they only live 15/20 minutes away. I barely get to spend any quality time with them now.

It’s heartbreaking – parents give birth to you, put food in your mouth, provide for you, raise you, deal with your highs and lows … Only for you to be “given away” to spend the rest of your life with someone else. I know it’s all part and parcel of life, I just don’t do well with change. I always struggle with that part being an Indian girl. It’s just what you do. I know we live in our own house, but the difference is, for an Indian boy, it’s a choice. They can choose to live with their parents or they can choose to live alone. For a girl, there isn’t that choice. Culture hey? Always worries me given we are three sisters. What will happen to my parents when all three of us are gone? How empty will their lives feel? All three of us dote on our parents and we’d never let them go a day without seeing one of us at least, but getting married and seeing how things change has made me realise their lives are going to change drastically when the twins get married. There will be Sunday mornings alone. Maybe they’ll welcome the peace? Lol.

I was always usually the first one down on a Sunday. I’d spend half an hour or so speaking to mum and dad while listening to the kirtan and helping to make the tea. Catching up on with them at the same time. Mum would often use this time to “sound off” about the twins to me (she’d do the same about me to them given the opportunity! Haha). By the time the paronteh were made, dad would be calling the twins down (who’d still be in bed mooching around). Mum would sometimes get wound up that their food was going to get cold.

When the twins finally did come down, we’d sit around the table together and eat. It was a family affair. Something we did together. We’d catch up on the weeks ongoings, catch up on what the plan for dinner is (something’s never change!) and what the plans for the day were. Dad would often tell us Sikh stories usually to teach us a lesson based on the stories we’d share with them. He’d encourage us to do more Simran (meditation), paat (religious prayers) and seva (selfless community service). He always encouraged it. Why did I never make enough time for those things? Why didn’t I go to the Gurdwara with him in the mornings more often to do seva with him?

After brunch, Goov and I would religiously watch an episode or two of FBI Files with my dad. Mum would sometimes join us depending on what she had planned for the day – she may not work but that woman is busier than me! Harv was always too scared to watch anything remotely scary so would end up upstairs. She’d scream “dad pause it” if she had to come downstairs to put a washing load in the washing machine (that was her “home job”). We’d always try convince her that it’s not THAT scary (even though it was), we never succeeded in our attempts! It’s strange, as we were all sat in front of the TV, but it felt like wholesome quality family time. I know how much it meant to dad, us taking out a measly hour or two to watch FBI Files with him (outside of the time we’d spend watching Indian soaps with mum during the week which dad was forced to sit through though I’m sure it was his guilty pleasure!).

Why didn’t I make more time? Why didn’t I realise that even that precious hour would be gone once I moved out? In my head I had it all planned out, I’d spend at least one day at my parents house once married. I’m lucky that Preetam gets on so well with my family (touch wood). Surely that would mean what I had planned would be the case?! I have no idea why it hasn’t worked out that way. Why every Saturday or Sunday we have something going on. Life is flashing by, time is not on my side, one day I’ll regret putting others before my family.

One day my sisters will be married and will also be in the same predicament I’m in. They’ll be facing the same heartbreak and longing to be with my parents as I do. One day the previous time that they spend with mum and dad watching TV will also be taken from them. They just don’t realise it yet. Things will change.

I wonder how it feels for them. I wonder how heart aching it must be for our parents to set us free. It must be rewarding too to see us get married and watch us become parents ourself. I wonder if they miss the times I miss. I wonder.

Don’t get me wrong, Sunday mornings were often the host of several “I’ve woken out of the wrong side of the bed” fuelled arguments too but my fondest memories are the ones above.
They were perfect.

I miss my parents.

I miss my sisters.

I miss Sunday mornings so much.

Posted on November 5, 2015November 5, 2015 by Harps — 10 Comments

To the mummy by the pool that snapped at her child …

It’s ok, I understand.

I totally get it.

You’ve come on holiday, away from home. Maybe it’s been a while and you’d forgotten that the meaning of a “holiday” with a child has changed. Maybe this is your first.

Maybe you were planning on relaxing without the irritating sound of the iPad blaring in the background. The noisy iPad that’s made you snap. It isn’t really about the iPad, I know. You’re fed up. You’ve probably had a long night, you’re little princess was probably fussy at breakfast, she’s probably refused to nap and is now over tired. I know you’re struggling to find the compassion for your daughter as she screams – because you’ve run out of patience. I know later on when she’s calmed down and flashing you smiles, you’ll probably be consumed by guilt with tears streaming down your pretty face. At that point you’ll remember that she’s just a little human who’s still learning to channel her emotions. Maybe we expect too much from our children and we forget that they’re still small.

I understand. I’ve been there and I’ll probably be there a hundred more times as will you. It’s ok. The other mummy’s here will probably have felt what you’re feeling but may just not be as vocal as you or me.

I can see your daughter getting louder and more upset as you show you’ve lost your patience but I can see right now you’re also beyond the point of caring. You’ve had enough. You just want five minutes to yourself. To be able to close your eyes and zone out in peace without the constant whinging (.. And sound of the iPad). Maybe you’re like me – I’ve always been a control freak and used to being able to follow a plan. It doesn’t always work our way with a child does it? They have a mind of their own and feelings and emotions of their own too.

It doesn’t make you a bad mum, it makes you human. Even the mamas with a constant smile on their face have their moments. We all do. Because we’re human.

Sending you a big warm hug. I hope you manage to get your five minutes (if not more) of peace and reflect on how blessed you are to have such a beautiful daughter. I hope that was only five minutes of your day and the rest was filled with happy fun filled memories with your little princess.
x

Posted on November 1, 2015 by Harps — Leave a comment

I Wish I Could Freeze Time …

I was just lying here in bed wide awake whilst Preetam and Arjun are fast asleep. Arjun got up, looked at me, and fell right in to my arms and back in to a deep lull. While watching the soft waves of the sea roll in … And back out, I couldn’t help but get myself in to a bit of a day dreaming reflective state. My not so little baby still takes comfort in being in my arms, in hearing the familiar sound of my heartbeat.

This holiday more than ever has been so fulfilling – watching him squeal in excitement last night as he tried to scare us, his reliance on us in the pool to keep him up, his spontaneous cuddles and acts of kindness … It isn’t going to last forever (and I know this hence my “Nothing Lasts Forever” post).

Before we know it, he’s going to be an independent little guy. I don’t know how I’m going to cope to be honest – I don’t deal with change great. Just the thought wells me up. And then I stumbled across this.

How fitting. It’s like a written account of all the things I’m afraid of in the future. I’m not quite there yet (thankfully), but I’m glad I came across this article today because it has made me want to cherish every single moment even more. I wish I could freeze time. I really do, I want these precious moments to last forever.

Posted on October 30, 2015April 25, 2020 by Harps — 2 Comments

Toddlers and Tantrums!

Hello all,

I’m writing this post as I sit by the pool in beautiful Bali! It’s one I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks but haven’t had the chance to. It’s by no means a self bashing post or a husband bashing post, more a post on my current struggles with parenting. Struggles that are only going to get harder!

As much as I definitely prefer toddlerhood to babyhood, boy am I facing some real challenges! It’s also safe to say that parenting is definitely a test of your marriage at times! Haha.

I’m definitely bad cop and Preetam is good cop. We sometimes struggle to meet in the middle as one of us excuses Arjun’s behaviour down to frustration and let’s him be more free spirited whereas the other’s school of thought is “as his parents we need to guide him and channel his frustration correctly”. I worry that a difference in approach may be causing Arjun confusion where it comes to testing boundaries and what is and isn’t okay.

Preetam’s approach is to dismiss the behaviour and not give it any attention at all and at the very most distract him with something positive instead. My approach is a lot more direct and involves addressing the behaviour and try to correct it.

Preetam is a lot more relaxed than I am. I think he’s only ever used the words “no” once. I’m probably a little too harsh and he’s probably a little too relaxed – I guess together it works?!

At 16 months (going on 16 years!), Arjun seems to have an opinion and a decision on absolutely everything and once he’s made his mind up its pretty difficult to distract him. Tantrums have ranged from wanting to throw something in the bin (something which doesn’t need to be thrown like a brand new pack of wipes), to insisting on taking my spoon during dinner even though he’s accumulated a few of his own, wanting something in a store and throwing a wobble if he doesn’t get his own way.

I always feared the thought of how I’d deal with one of “those kids”. I’m definitely on the way to having one of “those kids” – a pretty normal kid I guess. I mean it’s normal for them to test boundaries, to have an opinion and to vent their frustrations. My child having a tantrum at a supermarket definitely wouldn’t be the first kid to do so and most definitely won’t be the last!

In fact it’s a good thing that he has his own personality and is head strong, it means he’ll grow up his own person. The issue is ensuring we channel it in the right way. When is the right age to do that? What is the right method? What is acceptable? And how do you reach a happy medium? It’s especially difficult as he isn’t really talking much. He uses actions to explain what he wants (whilst screaming mama or dada).

Having a sister as a nursery nurse is definitely a bonus and having several mummy friends is also helpful and I’m so grateful for them but sometimes I struggle to put in to play the advice I’ve been given. Sometimes because it’s easier to just let him have his way (defo not in the running for mother of year award then!), sometimes because I know Preetam and I approach things different and I worry about sending mixed messages and sometimes because I’m just too tired.

Here are some of the methods people have suggested and I’ve tried:

1) The naughty step. Have you tried this? We haven’t. Some people are really anti the naughty step especially at Arjun’s age as he isn’t able to understand the concept. I’m not sure what my thoughts are on the naughty step but I definitely do think he knows what he’s doing as he behaves like an angel at nursery!
My issue would be having the patience to keep him on the naughty step. It wouldn’t be easy and it’d probably end up backfiring as he’d soon learn enough screaming would mean he’d get his way (perseverance isn’t my strong point!). I don’t think this is a method Preetam would agree with as its overtly addressing the behaviour which his more my approach than his.

2) The positive words method. I’m not going to lie, sometimes the words “naughty” and “bad” do slip out. I’m often corrected by my sister who reminds me that negative word enforcement isn’t helpful and that the use of positive words is a lot more effective. It’s so bloody hard to not use negative words when a toddler has pushed you to your limit!

I try and use the words “Arjun please play with gentle hands and please don’t throw that”. So for example if he throws something in frustration, I ask him to play with gentle hands, I then hand him back the item and half the time he plays nice, the other half it turns in to a full fledge tantrum because somehow it’s my fault he threw the thing in the first place!

I do believe the use of a soft tone and positive language has an impact on how a child reacts. Being consistent and maintaining my cool is the key to mastering this but that can sometimes be difficult.

3) Ignore the behaviour. I know we all want to shine our kids in the best light, and my son is an angel most of the time (sort of), and I absolutely adore him – he keeps me entertained positively most of the time but my readers will know I’m pretty open and don’t like to sugar coat the real deal. My not so gentle handed little monster has started hitting – especially Preetam and I in the last month. It’s been super frustrating and he does it when he’s really upset.

I do believe he’s manifesting his anger and frustration but how to snap this habit is a difficult one. Have you had to deal with similar or is it just my baby?! If Arjun slaps me, I tell him “mummy’s very sad Arjun, please play with kind hands” and put him down on the floor. He usually has a full on tantrum for a minute or two but calms down after a while.

Preetam’s approach is different – he doesn’t really tell Arjun what he’s done isn’t nice. This is probably my biggest source of frustration at the moment as our approach is very different so I’m not sure if we’re sending him mixed signals. The last thing I want is him hitting anyone let alone another child! I know several of my friends have dealt with biting, but would love some advice around hitting.

4) The three strike rule. I’ve especially started to apply this rule when it comes to throwing food. He stares me right in the face and throws pieces of food one by one on the floor when he’s in a mood. This really frustrates me as he clearly doesn’t know where the boundary exists here. If he throws more than three times, I take his plate away until he calms down.

I’m definitely not saying I’m an expert in parenting – far from it and this post highlights that. Sharing such personal struggles is always difficult but it also helps me get advice from all the mummies and daddies that read my blog and is a comfort for those mummies in the same (currently sinking) boat! We will all get there!

I’m not one of those mums that keeps my child on a tight leash, but at the same time I do want him to grow up with good manners and be prepared for the real world (a world where you won’t always get your own way!). Knowing when to start instilling that behaviour and how to instil it is challenging.

If you have any advice or can relate, I’d love to hear. x

Posted on October 29, 2015April 25, 2020 by Harps — 2 Comments

Arjun’s 16 Month Update … The Month of Tantrums!

Hello all!

So Arjun spent his 16th month birthday in Singapore – what a lucky boy!

This month has definitely been the month of tantrums … As he’s growing up, he suddenly seems to think he’s old enough/big enough to make every decision himself and to do whatever it is he wants. It’s been challenging but it’s also been really great seeing him develop in to his own person! He’s definitely a head strong little guy … I wonder where he gets it from 😉

Here’s his 16 month update:

He’s definitely mastered his scream – he has different ones for different things
We had our first trip to Sainsburys alone

He’s such a chatter box although his vocab is pretty limited
He’s obsessed with dancing!

He loves to put things in the bin
He’s moved up a room at nursery and absolutely loves it
He now does the actions to wheels on the bus
He claps when he thinks he’s done something good

He touches his head when you sing “heads shoulders knees and toes”
He likes “fixing” things and often copies daddy

He’s obsessed with “row row row your boat” but doesn’t quite get the “gently” bit!
He says “doodoo” when he wants milk
He can now climb up on sofa (and the coffee table and the bedside cabinet!)
He regularly pinches your food (but refuses to eat his own)

He loves little babies and asks to hold them by putting his arms out
His hair is now long enough to rock different hairstyles

He now loves bath time and sort of likes brushing his teeth (yay!)
He’s currently on the Pom Bear diet

He said “satsriakal” real fast once (hello in punjabi)
He said “thank you” once
He likes to go to the park

His tantrums are now in full swing and I’m often surprised with a slap when he’s having one – hoping it’s just part of his frustration with not being able to communicate properly yet!
He’s a little copy cat now!
He’s visited his third country outside of home (Dubai, Maldives, Singapore)

He’s had his 9th flight

Likes to pour things from one cup to another (and make a mess!)

His first experience bowling – he loved it but had a tantrum when we stopped him from running down the lane!

He measures 80cm
He weighs 12kg
He’s had his first ambulance ride (and hopefully his last!) and a two trips to A&E 🙁

He likes to pour water over himself in the bath

He attended the veg fest and we ate on his behalf! Haha

He had his first trip to IKEA and loved running around but was obsessed with running back after the escalator

Can’t believe how fast he’s growing! x

Posted on October 24, 2015October 24, 2015 by Harps — 17 Comments

Why I Prefer Toddlerhood vs. Babyhood …

Don’t get me wrong, it was very rewarding gazing in to a newborn baby’s eyes knowing I’d produced him. Any time he smiled, my heart filled with warmth … and then my blissful moment was soon cut short by the sound of a little toot – oh it was gas, not a smile!

The first few months were a real struggle as I felt this was going to be my life forever. Changing, feeding and battling with a sleep fighter forever. Noone told me thats what I was signing up for. When the heck were all the fluffy fun moments going to come?! It felt pretty lonely.

Now that Arjun is 15 months old, I can safely say, I much prefer toddlerhood to babyhood and here’s why …

1) FOOD!: We can now share our food 🙂 We both have the same love for food which often means I have a little food thief on my case whenever its meal times – hey it helps with portion control!

2) New Found Independence: As he’s now fully mobile, he helps himself to snacks and fruit, he’ll grab a cushion and lay his head down if he wants a kip and he even tries to put his own socks on! Only a matter of time before he’ll be making his own lunches (and mine!).

3) Communication: I feel like I “get him” more so there’s a lot less tears but not necessarily a lot less drama! Oh and the smiles are ACTUAL smiles! The sound of his over the top laugh melts my heart. We laugh loud and uncontrollably together with our heads tipped back and our eyes glistening as we enjoy a moment giggling over the siliest things.

4) Interactive: It’s so much more fun as he’s a lot more interactive and engaging now. I always found it difficult translating new born baby babble! He’s a little chatterbox now although he only knows a few words he manages to have a full blown conversation with most! He’s very animated and seems to know what he’s on about most of the time (even if no one else does), that’s what matters right?!

5) Free Entertainment: He’s absolutely hilarious now that this huge personality is bursting out of this tiny little body. He never fails to entertain me – be it his latest dance moves, his important business phone calls or his quirky antics like trying on our shoes to name a few!

6) Packing: There’s so much less to pack when out and about! It now weighs 3/4 of a tonne as opposed to a whole tonne!

7) Routine: or lack of it. I feel like we know what we’re doing a bit more now.

8) Bond: I struggled a little as a new mummy due to PND, I feel closer than ever to Arj now. I can predict his next move pretty well! I feel like I have that “mummy instinct” that everyone harped on about before I had him.

9) He’s Walking!: For some reason this makes everything so much more fun! Going to the park now means he’s free to choose what he wants to use next, it means he can play basketball (albeit with his breakfast sausage!), he can pet the animals at the farm … the list is endless! It’s just another way for his personality to manifest as he has more freedom of choice.

10) Full of Surprises: Ok I know two points ago I said I could pretty much predict his every move, but he STILL manages to surprise us on a daily basis be it saying a new word, a little more independence like using a spoon or doing the actions to a nursery rhyme – it’s so rewarding!

I’m really enjoying toddlerhood although it comes with its own challenges!

What’s been your favourite time?

Posted on October 8, 2015April 25, 2020 by Harps — 1 Comment

The Pink Ladoo Campaign

Pink Ladoo is a new campaign to celebrate the birth of a daughter to challenge existing social values that are placed on daughters in the South Asian community.

Seeing the campaign on Facebook filled my heart – coming from a family of three daughters, the birth of a daughter and how (or how not) it’s celebrated is something really close to my heart.

Traditionally, in South Asian families, you’d only give out ladoo (Indian sweets) if you had … a son. You’d only celebrate Lohri if you had … a son. You only celebrated by gifting loved ones with elaborate Indian outfits if you had … a son.
Why wasn’t the same done for daughters? It was almost seen as a minor catastrophe if you had a daughter and no sons. Who would carry the family name? Who would take care of parents during old age?

I can safely say that my parents have never missed having a son. Yes in our culture daughters do move out to live with their husbands. And yes one day mum and dad will be living alone in a big house and yes that sucks. It hurts. But they know we’d never leave them or not take care of them. We wouldn’t do that now so why would we do it during old age? Why does it matter what gender we are?

Pink Ladoo is about celebrating equality. It’s about encouraging a positive perception for the birth of a baby – be it a boy or a girl. It’s a movement for change. A movement towards equality in the South Asian community.

To any mother in law or mother that doesn’t celebrate the birth of a daughter or granddaughter, I ask you one thing – who produced your son? You did. What are you? Point made. Women are phenomenal and without women there would be no men and they deserve to be celebrated the same as men if not more!

As Guru Nanak Dev Ji taught us …

“So kyo mundha aakhiye jith jameh rajaan”

“Why call her bad, from her Kings are born”

When we fell pregnant, the gender of the baby wasn’t even a question for us. To fall pregnant was a blessing, to carry and deliver a healthy child was a miracle and ultimately that’s all we cared about. We are blessed that both of our parents belong to the same school of thought as us.

I pray one day I am also blessed with a daughter and she showers me with as much love and care as we do our parents and as much as my mum and her five sisters do to their parents. I’ll be painting the town pink! My late Papa Ji always said he was blessed to have five daughters and was equally blessed to have his one son.

Thankfully times have moved on but you still find pockets of backward thinking.

Hug your children extra tight tonight and celebrate what God has blessed you with – a perfect little gem, irrespective of gender. Accept God’s gifts open heartedly.

Well done Raj Khaira for bringing this issue to the forefront.

Good night x