Harps is an award winning blogger who shares her remarkable journey of motherhood after experiencing post natal depression and an unexpected diagnosis of Down’s syndrome. Her readers have often coined her words “relatable” and “warming”.
He’s obsessed with shoes – his own and ours! He often grabs a random pair of shoes and brings them to us and walks us to the front door to tell us he wants to go out
He loves his tool bench – he places a bolt in thebench and knows to hammer it in
He lets us know when he’s hungry by pointing to his snacks
He passes me things if I point to them
He’s a pro at tabla now – even knows how to tune it himself! 😂
He’s definitely testing boundaries and definitely tantruming a lot more!
He tickles others
He likes to climb
His molars have come through
He loves to go to the park
He likes engaging in exercise – his squat form and ab rolling is on point!
https://youtu.be/oePtspkJC_I
Tissues are still his favourite snack!
He likes to sit on everything and anything! He has no concept of size or scale lol
So after lots of mental toing and froing, a forgotten method of payment, two trips back and forth, a mini meltdown, £126 down, a few calories burnt, two hours and two Ella’s kitchen pouches (which hadn’t been paid for yet!) later, a new toy, we are finally home with our gazillion bags of shopping and a fridge and house bursting with an abundance of food (most of which will probably never get eaten but it seemed like a great idea at the time). We did it. My first proper trip to a supermarket with Arjun alone!! It was an eventful one to say the least but I’m so glad we did it even after our initial set back!
After lots of to’ing and fro’ing and convincing myself to go (thank you to all of those that commented with tips on my Facebook status encouraging me to!), we set off once Arjun woke from his two hour nap. I was feeling ok about it. My list consisted of just bread and cheese and as long as I could get those, anything else would be a bonus.
We got to Sainsbury’s, Arjun was in a pretty good mood. I took him out of the car after bagging a parent and child space. I almost forgot about those as I haven’t been to a supermarket alone with Arjun since he was born.
Once out of the car I had a rummage in my pockets and quickly realised I’d lost my bank card. I panicked but quickly calmed myself down in the hope that it would be somewhere in the car. It wasn’t. ARGH!!! I put Arjun back in his car seat and he was so upset. He cried and cried – it was a proper cry with tears. It made me more peed off with myself. Luckily Sainsbury’s is just five minutes up the road. I rushed back home and ran in to the house to get another card.
We headed back and started our trip. It was such a lovely feeling walking up and down the aisles. I felt like I had so much freedom as opposed to being trapped behind a phone as I usually am when I do my online shop. Although I had a toddler who wanted to touch EVERYTHING, it felt nice. I walked him through all the bits I was placing in the shopping trolley. He felt the textures and cooed in response.
I picked up an abacus for him. I barely buy him toys as he has so many but I thought it would be good for learning his alphabet and for counting. Plus the colours would keep him entertained while I shopped!
We got to the baby aisle and I decided to (stupidly) stock up on some Ella’s Kitchen pouches as he loves them as a snack sometimes and they’re great for when on the go. Big mistake. As soon as he spotted them, he let the whole of frickin Sainsbury’s know he wasn’t going to stop till he got one. He won. I hadn’t packed a pouch so I let him have one from the stack I’d picked up. That kept him quiet for a few minutes. Once he was done, he demanded another. You can guess how the rest of the trip went. I put my foot down after two and let him whinge every so often.
I managed to actually enjoy my trip – yes he whinged at times, yes he screamed the shop down but so what. Show me a kid that hasn’t done it at least once?! Unless I take him how will he learn?
To most it’ll sound crazy that a trip to Sainsburys is such a huge deal. I do feel like a bit of a loon for making it such a huge deal in my head. But the truth is I can’t help it. My make up is such that I have the tendency of building things up in my own head and slightly freaking out resulting in me not wanting to face public places alone with a baby.
I feel like I’ve accomplished something so major even though it’s something that other mothers probably wouldn’t even think twice about. We’re all different, we all have our own challenges and hurdles and we’re all on our own little journey and we’ll all get there one day! xx
It’s been an eventful last few weeks and Arjun getting chicken pox added to it! At 14 months old, I was pretty grateful when I realised what it was – I thought it would be a painful few days but I was glad to have them out the way while he’s little and won’t remember when older.
Here’s our chicken pox diary.
Day 1: Friday
As I was changing Arjun’s nappy, I noticed two “sores”. Something inside, call it a mothers instinct, told me to have a spot check around his body. He’s had a sore or two before at nursery but I’ve never felt the need to check the rest of his body. This time felt different. He seemed well in himself. I spotted two little pimples on his arms next to each other. I decided it was probably nothing and we both got ready and set off to start our day.
We had a fun filled day at my parents house and Arjun was in good spirits.
I popped out to see my Biji with my sister Goov and Preetam and left Arjun at my parents with my parents and Harv sleeping.
When I got back, Before I even picked him up, I knew something was wrong. He didn’t look himself and wasn’t excited by the sight of me or Preetam. I’ve never seen that before. When I felt his body, I panicked. He was really hot. He’d just woken up as we’d entered. I checked his temperature and it was 39.9. He’s never had a temperature that high before. I panicked a little. He was really quiet and not really responding to our usual antics.
I gave him some Calpol, waited for it to kick in and once I was satisfied that his temperature was dropping, we took him home.
Day 2: Saturday
Arjun woke up pretty grizzly on Saturday. Again he was really quiet and had a temperature but not as bad as the night before. He felt wet and clammy but he generally is a sweaty baby during the night.
We decided a change of scenery may do him some good so decided to spend the day at Preetam’s parents house as planned where we were also joined by Preetam’s sister and husband. I welcomed the extra company to keep Arjun occupied and hopefully lift his spirits.
He spent most of the day lying down or sitting quietly. He wasn’t himself at all and was really clingy. Usually he’s running around opening every cupboard in sight or attacking the fridge magnets! He wasn’t interested by his toys or the TV remotes.
It broke my heart to see him like this. He didn’t have much of an appetite at all. I’d forgotten about the idea of chicken pox by now as I’d assumed that he’d have had more by this time if it was that.
We decided to take him for a short walk and ended up at the park which was pretty empty. He usually loves the swings and slides but he didn’t want to be put down at all. He was super clingy and very tearful. So we decided to take him back.
Day 3: Sunday
By Sunday Arjun was in much better spirits and his temperature seemed to be a lot better. I noticed a few more pimple like spots on his arms but nothing major and not in the usual places chicken pox appear (tummy and face).
His Goov Masi came to visit and they did finger painting together which he found really fun. He laughed and giggled – my boy was back!
We popped to Preetam’s parents again that evening after a drive to Starbucks. Arjun was in much better spirits and was being his cheeky self. He even managed to eat a little – pizza! I’d have been really worried had he refused his favourite food.
I wasn’t sure if it was chicken pox or a viral infection that had passed but either way I thought it was better to be safe than sorry so decided I’d keep him at home the following day.
We stocked up on Calamine lotion just in case.
Day 4: Monday
Arjun woke up in good spirits and his temperature seemed to be completely fine. He managed to have a little breakfast. He played happily while I called his nursery. As soon as I mentioned that Arjun was unwell, they asked if he had chicken pox. Boom! My initial motherly instinct was right! Two other babies had been sent home that morning as they had chicken pox and so it was highly likely that’s what Arjun had.
I almost felt relieved knowing what it was. I was also really pleased that Arjun had got them so young.
I messaged my blogging buddy BattleMum on advice on chicken pox as her baby boy had them recently too. She recommended PoxClin Mousse so I sent Preetam a message to bring some home.
He seemed fine in himself so I continued working from home as he played. While I was on a work call, I noticed his arms had started to blister. I didn’t manage to get a clear picture but they quickly started to fill on his arms. He kept touching them – I wasn’t sure if it was because they were itchy or because he was just fascinated by them but it was pretty difficult to distract him! I managed to distract him for a while with play doh and a rolling pin … Till he decided to taste it!
At his grandparents house that evening, while he was rummaging through the cupboards and finding empty yogurt containers to sit on (his new “thing”), I noticed his eye seemed a little sore and gunky. I suspected conjunctivitis. Great, just what we needed!
Day 5: Tuesday
I called the doctors to ask about Arjun’s eye. They thought it would be a good idea for us to come in given he was already unwell. I decided to walk to the doctors with Arjun but ended up carrying him for a lot of the way! We were quarantined at the doctors as Arjun was contagious. The doctor confirmed it was conjunctivitis and to wash with warm water.
Arjun was hard work on Tuesday. He decided to bypass his morning nap (not entirely his fault given his doctors appointment coincided with nap time) and didn’t want to be apart from me. He was happy when I was close by or when he was in my arms. He actually managed to eat a bit more than he had done the last few days (that wasn’t hard as he was practically on a hunger strike), he really enjoyed the homemade vegetables pies I’d made him.
After lunch, it took me a while to put him down for a nap but he slept well. I managed to get a lot of my work done during his nap and was glad to have company in the afternoon. Our friends Karan and Pavan came to spend the afternoon with us to give Arjun some extra company.
When he woke up he was in a really good mood and was kept busy by Karan and the tabla and also had some time in the garden with Pavan playing on the slide and swing.
I decided to make paneer that evening as a pick me up – I really needed comfort food! You can find the recipe here.
I decided to go to work the following day as Arjun seemed better so Preetam took the day off to be at home with Arjun.
Day 6: Wednesday
I missed Arjun so much when at work. I don’t consider myself overly googoogaga when it comes to kids but seeing your child unwell is the worst feeling. I stress even if he has a sniffly nose! They enjoyed the day together and Arjun seemed back to his normal self bar the hunger strike. They say it’s normal for a child to lose their appetite during chicken pox as the insides can also be infected making it painful.
When I got home, I was embraced by my little terror. It was the best feeling ever. We spent the evening singing nursery rhymes and blowing bubbles.
Day 7: Thursday
Karan and Pavan suggested we spent the day at theirs knowing I was pretty drained from having days on end at home with Arjun. I thought the change in environment would also do him some good. He loves it at their house.
He had a great day playing at their house and we were later joined by his Goov Masi. He kept us entertained with his usual antics and by trying to lead the way with “row row row your boat” – he has the cutest scream at the end of the rhyme!
By this day Arjun’s face had pretty much cleared up. There were still a few spots on his legs and arms.
Day 8: Friday
During the night Arjun seemed to have developed a cough and times it felt like he was slightly struggling to breath. I struggled to fall asleep worrying about him and decided to turn to Dr Google instead – big mistake. It basically told me my baby could die in a few hours if he had a chicken pox on his lung. I panicked. I’m a hypochondriac at the worst of times when it comes to Arjun so that was the last thing I needed to read!
I made a doctors appointment first thing just to be safe though. The doctor confirmed his chest didn’t sound too bad and that he should be ok but to keep an eye.
We spent the rest of the day and night at Preetam’s parents where we were also joined by Preetam’s sister. Arjun was back to his normal self – a stark difference to how he was the week before there! He was up to his usual antics – he decided to show everyone how to ab roll – a little gym buff in the making, he spent hours taking his crayola pencils out of the box and putting them back in and he played with the fridge magnets – 90% which he’s already managed to break (the remaining 10% he hasn’t managed to get his hands on just yet), and he watched his Dadi Ji tutor her students.
His Dadi Ji also made him home made play doh which he had fun playing with. You can find the recipe for the play doh here.
I also baked him cinnamon and banana cookies while we were there and he absolutely loved them! You can find the recipe here.
We had lots of fun during our sleepover and Arjun sure did keep his Dada Ji and Dadi Ji busy!
In the end we didn’t use the Calamine lotion (but it will be coming in handy for holiday in case anyone gets heat rash!) or the PoxClin as Arjun didn’t suffer from any itchiness. He only had about 15 spots in general so I don’t know if this was just a mild dose and if so perhaps he may get it again but I’m hoping we’re done with it! I’ll be sure to take Arjun around any kids that have it to test out his immunity 🙂
Have your babies had chicken pox? What are your thoughts on the vaccination?x
I decided to take Thursday off from my phone, social media and blogging. Just a break in general. I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted as I shared in my last post. Coupled with a slight cold and a sleep fighting baby, it’s been so tiring.
I stayed away from my phone and it felt so nice – I felt lighter, my head didn’t feel so strained and my fingers got a break from the constant typing. I used my camera to take pictures instead and only checked my phone in between locations. I will definitely be doing that more often! It’s amazing how wrapped up in a phone one can become – flicking between Twitter, Facebook, blogging Instagram, Shopstyle, Pinterest and the list goes on (you catch my drift) – you can end up spending hours on end engrossed in your phone and cyber space as life passes you by.
We spent my “day off” exploring what the beautiful Cotsworlds has to offer… It was just what I needed – open space, both mental and physically and a break from everything.
We decided to visit Cotsworlds Wildlife Park which I’d highly recommend for a beautiful day with gorgeous views, open and airy surroundings and lots of animals! There was a mixture of farm animals as well as wild animals, a train ride and there was also a fun adventure park where Arjun enjoyed his first zip wire experience.
The stunning Cotsworlds views …
The wildlife park …
He’s obsessed with magnets … That’s what he chose as his gift from the wildlife park …
Following on from the wildlife park, we made a quick trip to The Burford Garden Company as we passed it. It was absolutely gorgeous with lots of super cute quirky decoration and buys and a super cute Childrens shop which specialises in wooden toys. We’ll definitely be visiting again and next time will be stopping for tea and scones when time isn’t restricted. We managed to grab a pair of Hunters each in time for the wet weather though :).
We finishs the day off with a quick spot of shopping for Arjun at Bicester where we enjoyed a yummy Nutella crepe followed by tea and scones. A day of indulgence indeed!
I had such a beautiful slow paced day and really enjoyed it. It’s just what I needed and I’ll be sure to do it more often – a way from my phone.
x
I thought twice about having a moan here but then I’ve always used my blog as an outlet for my feelings. I know in comparison to what’s going on in the world, my issues (if you can even call them that!) are really minor.
I’m sat here downstairs in pure silence … I’ve just got home from work, made myself a quick parontah with my mum’s signature bhurji paneer (I know I’ll be crying when I step on the scales tomorrow to see the result of my paneer binging of late!), Arjun is upstairs fast asleep. Most mum’s would savour this moment. I sort of am … But I know the fact that he’s decided to have his nap at 5pm so close to bedtime means that we’re going to have a bumpy night tonight … again.
Recently, I’ve been feeling really down. Not my usual upbeat self. I’m struggling to find the energy to do most things, I’m struggling to keep up with blogging, work and managing a house and baby. And the reason I’m struggling is because I can’t seem to crawl out of this dark little hole I’m in right now. I have no idea why. I don’t know what the actual cause is so I don’t know how to fix it.
Almost 4 weeks ago, my Papa Ji (grandfather) passed away, and ever since I haven’t actually had the time to absorb what’s happened. A week after his funeral, Arjun caught chicken pox which I’ll be blogging about separately. I didn’t realise how draining a few days at home with him would be. I think I’ve taken for granted, or not really given myself much credit for how far I’ve come with taking Arjun out and about. He’s a toddler that’s inquisitive and needs entertaining and we’re not really used to spending days at home. Don’t get me wrong, I almost welcomed a break from socialising and life in general but after a week of that combined with a very frustrated little baby (from boredom more than the pox!), I felt ready to return to work.
I guess it’s pretty normal to feel tired returning back to work – I’d been off from work between Papa Ji’s passing and his funeral and then again while Arjun had chicken pox. The 5.30am wake ups were never going to be appealing. Going back to work has been nice in that I’m distracted during the day and it’s a break from everything else.
My mind has been pretty absent – on Monday, although drained after my first day back at work, I was so excited to see Arjun. The traffic I faced on the way to collect him just filled me with anxiety. I just wanted to be there. I didn’t have the energy at that point. I was so relieved when I finally pulled up to the nursery car park. I swung back to grab my bag from the backseat and saw the big gaping gap where Arjun’s car seat should have been. It was missing. I’d forgotten it at home. Preetam (bless him) has been dropping Arjun to nursery for the last few weeks and we’d shifted the seat. It just heightened my feelings of feeling like a rubbish mother at that point. My duties feel like they’re slipping. Like I’m slacking. Had I fulfilled my duty of taking Arjun to nursery, the car seat wouldn’t have been in a different car and I could’ve taken my baby home. He’d be expecting me. He knows I come as soon as he’s had his milk. I couldn’t go in there though only to leave him again.
I was so bloody fed up, I just sat there and cried. If any other mother or father saw me, they probably thought I was an outright lunatic. The whole trip had been so tiring and in the end I couldn’t even take him home. I called Preetam who told me to come home and that he’d get Arjun once he was back knowing how tired I was. In the end I saw Arjun a whole hour after I should have :(. To top things off that day, I forgot to link up to my own linky on Monday and also tweeted out the wrong darn link! Grr
This morning, I was in such a rush and half asleep as I left the house due to a rough night with Arjun. I ended up forgetting my car (and house) keys in the house while Preetam was in the shower and so I was stood in the cold for ages while I patiently waited (and tried to not think of a way to blame him for it lol).
On a positive note, I have been grateful for being able to get involved in charity work for Khalsa Aid which Arjun insisted on helping me with! I am also super grateful for my blogging buddies x
I’ve decided to take a total break from social media/blogging/my phone tomorrow (I wish I could commit to more!) to spend time with my family and to declutter my brain.
I’ll be back soon x
P.s sorry for the terrible English – this post was literally a feelings dump.
The other day we returned back to Westfield for the first time since I took Arjun alone back in February – what a whirlwind of emotions it brought back. Being there, though not alone with him this time, brought back so many memories. I’ve come a long way but my fears then have been replaced by new ones!
I enjoyed being with him there this time a lot more as I watched him run around aimlessly – following the nearest person he could see and diverting at the speed of lightening when he saw another!
I was able to enjoy it so much because Preetam was with me. Had he not been I would’ve been pretty stressed managing things alone especially with my extra long shopping list (mainly for Arjun’s bits and bobs … Honest!).
Here are a few reflections on our trip compared to my last trip with Arjun and whether I’d be able to do it alone again:
1) We went to the food court again but I knew it was ok to do so as there were two of us to manage Arjun. Not sure how that would’ve worked had it been me alone. How would I have held the tray of food back to our table, managed a little toddler who is faster than the speed of lightning and manage our bags and buggy?! Ok the buggy could house the bags but that wouldn’t have really helped! I’d still have the food to deal with and a mobile toddler.
2) How on earth could I shop?! Even with reigns on, he’s trying to leg it! I was able to enjoy shopping as Preetam was with us and he managed Arjun. I’d still have the shopping bags issue had I been alone. How do you manage all the shopping bags as well as a toddler?! I can imagine I’d end up having a few ditzy moments!
Then …vs Now
3) Reflecting on my last experience alone, nappy changing seemed like a huge deal. It wouldn’t be now. He goes less frequently and it wouldn’t be such a huge deal compared to dealing with other things. My energy is more likely to be used up on chasing him, a nappy change would probably be a welcomed break now!
4) I’d definitely feel a little more confident in terms of not worrying about him having a crying episode there. He didn’t cry at all during this trip. He was really happy and excited seeing so many people, lots of new surroundings and being able to move himself. With his new found independence has come reduced tears which has instilled me with a little more confidence.
5) We can enjoy the same food which means I wouldn’t have to worry about pre packing food – I LOVE this! Arjun had a mini square pie (spinach sweet potato and goats cheese) mash and beans while we enjoyed the adult version. I really love that other than a few snacks, I don’t really need to pack much in terms of meals when out as I can easily pick something up.
I probably wouldn’t feel brave enough to go to Westfield alone with Arjun if I had a huge shopping list but I’d definitely feel comfortable going if I had a quick trip planned. One where I didn’t require a buggy or end up with a gazillion shopping bags!
I may set myself the challenge when I feel brave enough to take on Westfield alone again. Even if it is just for a quick trip. It’ll be interesting to say the least!
Do you have any tips for shopping with a toddler? x
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I’ve shut down a little since Papa Ji passed. I haven’t felt like talking. I’ve just wanted to be by my Biji, mum and Masis side so that’s what I’ve done. I ended up taking a little break from most things as I haven’t really had much to say as I can’t find the words to express my feelings and to be honest even writing the below post has been really difficult – I’m really struggling to find the words to articulate how I feel. Hopefully it makes sense x
It was really tough saying goodbye to our Papa Ji on Thursday. Watching my mum and her siblings lose a parent and watching my Biji lose her life partner was heartbreaking. There are no words to describe how much we will miss our loving grandfather. He’ll be remembered for how loving he was and for his signature laugh.
My most prominent memory of Papa Ji is him dropping and picking my cousins and I from school everyday all the way till we were done at secondary school. He’d come donning a leather jacket, jet black beard and a mobile phone blaring Sunrise Radio – everyone thought he was my dad as he always looked so young.
He was such a handsome and smart man and we were all so proud to have him as our granddad.
I’m eternally grateful to God for allowing Papa Ji to meet his great grandson and vice versa. Arjun is so blessed. Papa Ji was ecstatic when Arjun was born and we have some super cute memories of them both. He was always so overjoyed to see Arjun and became a big kid himself when they were together. He always said Arjun would be a strong boy and showered him with countless blessings.
I realised quite a lot over the last week since Papa Ji’s passing. Lessons and realisations which I hope will impact my daily life.
1) Our parents and grandparents are unfortunately not invincible. I always knew that this day would come but never really accepted it. I struggle to cope with the thought that one day I may be without my parents – to me they’ll be here forever. Losing Papa Ji has made that more of a reality. He is the first grandparent on my side that we’ve lost while my sisters and I have been old enough to understand what’s going on. Cherish every single moment you can with your loved ones. Especially parents. My mum and her siblings long to feel their father’s arms around them again.
2) Don’t wait until tomorrow … You may have seen that I’ve taken up an old hobby of sewing and have recently purchased a sewing machine. For Christmas I had planned to make Papa Ji pyjamas on my machine. I was super excited to make something so personal and with love as opposed to an off the shelf gift. I’m a complete novice but I knew he’d appreciate the sentiment and I thought I had time to practice.
Never had I imagined that the first and last thing I’d be making him was his cover to keep him warm as we put him to sleep forever.
Heartbreaking.
I felt honoured to have done it but with each stitch my heart broke. This isn’t what I’d planned. Don’t wait until tomorrow to do something special for a loved one. It may be too late.
3) Life’s simple pleasures … My Papa Ji and Biji have 6 children all of whom are married, 15 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren – what an amazing legacy he’s left behind.
Losing Papa Ji has resulted in his children reminiscing about their childhood and sharing their stories. It’s fascinating to hear about how they lived, where they’ve come from (Kenya to India and then England), and the many characters they’ve encountered on their way.
Hearing about their simple pleasures like drinking water from the wells in Kenya and eating fresh fruits off the trees in India and giggling to sleep as the five sisters shared a bedroom when they moved to England made me realise how I often forget to enjoy the simplest thing. In comparison my life feels over complicated – I want to enjoy life’s simple pleasures so much more just like our parents and grandparents did before life became so complicated. Whether it be picking daisies in the garden with Arjun or building a forte out of chairs and blankets. I want him to also appreciate life’s simple pleasures.
It’s also good to hear about their struggles through life to appreciate how easy we have it now in comparison.
4) Five minutes to you could mean the world to someone else … I’d often drive past my grandparents house and think “let me pop in for five minutes” when I was rushing to some place or another. And then I’d think “actually no let me plan to come properly”. I figured spending quality time beat a quick five minute pop in. In hindsight I wish I’d done both. Five minutes of our time means the world to them. Biji and Papa Ji live alone and we often forget through the hustle and bustle of our own lives that actually theirs are quite quiet in comparison. Make time – even if it’s five minutes.
5) Kirtan, Paat and Simran are all food for my soul … I didn’t need Papa Ji to leave us to realise that. It’s only reinforced it. Without religion I don’t know how I’d cope in such situations. Nor do I know how my mum and her siblings would. I take some sort of comfort from what Gurbani (Sikh holy scripture) teaches us. Papa Ji brought his children up in such a beautiful way and in a way where they are all have a level of spiritual maturity which helped them to understand and accept the situation and also help us. Papa Ji would be so proud of how they’ve dealt with his loss – the way he would have taught them through Gurbani.
6) Arjun’s daddy … No words to describe how supportive Preetam has been and how blessed we are to have him as Arjun’s daddy. I stayed at my mums to be close to her and my Biji while Preetam kept Arjun over night and would bring him over during the day. His support and understanding made it so much easier to deal with the grief and to be there for my mum and Biji. I’m lucky to have a husband that dotes on his son so much. Arjun and Preetam’s bond is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen – they’re so lucky to have each other.
7) Let by gones be by gones … Life’s too short.
8) Quality not quantity … The words “I’m there for you if you need anything” are used so often but there’s very few people that are able to honour it – cherish those that do.
9) Family first … I’m blessed to have such a huge family. We may have our ups and downs, highs and lows but we’re solid when it matters most. My Masis and Mami Ji are an inspiration to the twins and I where it comes to pulling together. All six of them have such different personalities, but together it works – they draw off each other’s strength. Every one of them is hilarious in their own way too – definitely a trait they inherited from their father!
10) Grateful for technology as it means we can hear my Papa Ji’s voice over and over on the video recordings we have of him.
Papa Ji may no longer be here in his physical form but his memory lives on through each and every one of us.
Rest in peace Papa Ji, we love you x
The most useful and home hitting advice I’ve ever received since I’ve had Arjun. It’s probably applicable to a lot of things in life. I often find myself worrying about the past or attempting to plan for the future and I often forget to live in the present.
… This very moment…
Now.
Sometimes I wish I could just stop, sit, close my eyes, breathe and become aware of my surroundings instead of being so scatter brained with the millions of things I have going on!
Nothing lasts forever …
Not the bad times nor the good times so cherish every single moment. The good, the bad and the ugly – for one day they’ll become distant memories.
I don’t mean it in a negative way, I mean it in a positive way. Enjoy each and every phase of your baby’s life – life’s simple pleasures.
1) Rock a bye baby: He won’t want to be rocked to sleep forever so embrace it – I had so much advice around rocking and not doing it. But why not? It makes my heart melt that my baby boy took so much comfort in my arms wrapped around him, the sound of my heartbeat against his dinky little ears beating to the rhythm of my gentle rocks. He doesn’t want that anymore. He doesn’t want to be cradled because nothing lasts forever. Now he puts himself to sleep at nap times 🙁
2) Sweet Dreamin’ with Mama & Papa: He may not always want to sleep in your bed. I love having Arjun snuggled up close in the comfort of being with mummy and daddy. Co sleeping won’t last forever either. Our issue with co sleeping is that none of us actually get much sleep! Do what works for you and remember that nothing lasts forever – we already cramp Arjun’s style on the days he does end up in our bed!
3) Let a Baby be a Baby. I used to have terrible OCD where the slightest bit of “dirt” would gross me out. I’m so happy and proud of myself for overcoming parts of that since having Arjun. Yes he makes a mess when he eats, yes my cream coloured carpet has now turned a shade of beige, yes it means I have to clean a little more but guess what?
Nothing lasts forever.
I’m lucky that Arjun likes to eat, so what if he makes a mess? He’s a baby. Soon it’ll pass. Soon he’ll be eating with a knife and fork and clearing up after himself and I’ll miss his mucky face and clearing up after him.
4) Teef: Yes the sleepless nights are tough with teething, yes you may feel like you’re at your wits end, yes the sound of your baby’s cry may make you want to break down out of sheer helplessness or just because you’re fed up and frustrated. That’s ok. You’re not alone.
But remember nothing lasts forever.
Like many things baby related, teething comes in waves. It’ll soon pass.
5) Peekaboo’ing: Sometimes Arjun wants to play at the most inconvenient times but I remember that nothing lasts forever. We laugh hard and play for as long as he wants. Soon he’ll be too grown up for it and it won’t humour him as much. Soon he’ll be a big boy.
6) Climbing Mountains: The stairs – this used to drive me absolutely mad till I stopped and reminded myself …
Nothing lasts forever.
To Arjun the stairs are like a giant mountain, it’s fun and exciting. I want him to grow up enjoying outdoorsy things (although I’m talking about the stairs inside!). So now, I help him climb. It’s a game and we enjoy it together. I love the sound of him squeal with excitement as he reaches the top. Instead of stopping him, I now show him and support him because even this won’t last forever.
7) Tele Addict …: Allowing your baby to watch TV is very much an issue of contention. The truth is I did let Arjun watch TV from a younger age than I probably should have (around 3 months) but it helped calm him and it gave me a little time out especially during my recovery. Thankfully the likes of Baby TV are actually educational (not that he understood anything back then!). I used to worry about being a bad mummy allowing him to watch TV. Guess what? He barely watches TV anymore. I miss the days where he’d be entertained for half hour while I’d do what I needed to (selfish I know). I wish I’d not spent so much time wallowing in guilt – I wish I’d remembered that nothing lasts forever.
8) Prison Kissies: Arjun loves playing a game where he sticks his face through the baby gate and wants me to come and give him a kiss from the other side (usually while I’m cooking or cleaning in the kitchen!). He then moves along the gate and wants me to come follow. This can go on for ages. Sometimes I’m in the middle of cooking something on the stove, or my hands are covered in food, or I’m just too tired but I stop because nothing lasts forever. My baby boy may not always want to so willingly kiss me as he gets older. These moments are my most precious. Stop whatever you’re doing when your baby wants to play, it may be the last time they want to play it before they move on to a new game.
9) Sleep Cycling: Because that’s exactly what it is. Your baby may sleep for weeks through the night but guess what? Nothing lasts forever. That pattern may be disrupted by teething, by sleep regression, by growing pains, by a nightmare. When you’re having a tough night, remember nothing lasts forever. Soon you’ll be back to a phase of good nights. But make the most of that too – as nothing lasts forever.
10) Drama Central: Arjun’s tantrums can be pretty dramatic (I wonder where he gets that from!). It can be frustrating and draining at times, but it can also be quite cute (bad mum I know!). But remember nothing lasts forever. Soon he’ll be able to communicate through words and he won’t react in the same way so make the most of their animated antics.
I can’t quite believe that I’ve had a year off, had a baby, celebrated his first birthday and I’m back at work already. I remember thinking (and stressing obsessively) about returning to work. To be honest I could just about manage work without a baby, and a baby without work … How I was going to do the two together seemed like mission impossible! I was super nervous about having a new boss as well as a new team. I’m often my own worst enemy where it comes to confidence. Some may coin the term “pessimist”, I call it being a realist (in an irrational kinda way).
As if I wasn’t fretting enough, on top of all of the above, our cleaner also decided to go on annual leave for a whole month.
PANIC.
Big time.
I’m just about managing with a cleaner. She comes twice a week and is an absolute God send. We have more bedrooms than we probably need (if you don’t count the vast amount of crap and clothes that I’ve collected over the years)! And we regularly entertain, so for me not having that help around the house seemed like a catastrophe! Yes I know in the grand scheme of things, I sound like a bit of a spoilt brat but it really did seem like this was going to go horribly wrong.
I considered getting a temporary cleaner – but what’s the point, by the time she got used to the house, Jeta would be back. I considered switching to paper plates so we’d save on washing – what a waste of money and it wouldn’t be very green of us! I considered lots of options …
But I quickly accepted that I was just going to have to cope. I didn’t really have a choice. I’d just have to get on with it! I kind of wanted to too. Surprisingly I was able to not let my mind dwell on it too much. I have a habit of getting myself in to a panicked state!
It’s been a month now. A month and two days. I’ve survived. I can’t actually believe it. I feel like some kind of superhero. I know millions of mums do it but I didn’t think I could. I’ve managed to take care of my baby, go to work, cook, clean, iron and entertain … all without Jeta … For a whole month! I feel like I’ve accomplished something major. And it’s been such an amazing month! Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for Jeta to get back and help but I’ve proven to myself I CAN DO this alone.
How have I managed?
Iron all our clothes on a Sunday evening for the next three days.
Clean the whole house on Wednesday evening after work so I can enjoy the next few days off with Arjun.
Meal prep something easy during the week to make my own life easier and to make the most of my time with Arjun.
Online shop routine: Thursday mornings and sometimes Sunday mornings.
Clean as I go along!
Pack our bags the night before.
Routine for the morning – I wake up at 5.45/6, Preetam wakes up at 6.30 and gets Arjun ready, we leave by 6.50. I’m at work by 7.30.
I do at least one washing load a day.
Top up the house clean on a Sunday.
Do all the ironing once a week – my least favourite task. I hope it counts as cardio at least!
Despite our initial struggles, Arjun has settled in well at nursery and is particularly close to two of his nursery nurses which gives me great comfort. I was so worried and consumed by guilt having to leave him in the care of others but actually I’ve seen such great benefits of doing so. I’ve seen him grow so quick this last month but by far it’s been my favortie month (13 month update).
He’s become a lot closer to me since nursery which is something I love – albeit for selfish reasons! The car journey from work to nursery feels like the longest journey ever (though it’s only 15 minutes). But the greeting I get when I reach there makes it worth it – he zooms towards me when he catches a glimpse of me through the glass panelled window on the door – it makes my heart burst with emotion … he waves good bye to his buddies with one hand while he has the other tightly wrapped around my neck beaming the biggest smile. He fights me to not get in his car seat after nursery as he just wants a few more minutes of cuddles while we watch the sky and the cloud sand the leaves rustling on the trees (which he finds hilarious!?).
Arjun’s nursery update:
He doesn’t cry when I pick him up anymore
Often see him pottering about when I go to collect him, either playing with a broom, or with the construction toys
He loves to play with bricks and the musical instruments
He loves to eat at nursery! To be honest, his food sounds better than mine!
He’s now walking
He’s smiling and laughing lots at nursery
He does the cutest things like lie his head down if he’s tired
He shares his toys (most of the time) but pre warning, his snack box is still a no go zone for others!
I love our Thursday morning snuggles – after three days of no morning snuggles, we make up for it on a Thursday! We have a new game, he’s turned peekaboo in to peekacuddle … it’s my favourite!
As nervous as I was about returning to work (a lot of my previous posts aired my feelings) is as much as I’m absolutely loving it. I actually can’t believe I’m typing these words out as I never thought this is how things would pan out. I’ve been pleasantly surprised and I’m so grateful.
Why I love being back at work?
My team are absolutely hilarious, the day passes by so quick with all the banter.
They’re super clever and I feel like I’ve learnt so much from them already.
I love being able to feel like I can accomplish something outside of being a mummy (as much as I love it) – excel was one of my favourites and it’s been good to be reunited (Arjun’s party planning spreadsheet couldn’t be pivoted or macro’d!) as geeky as that sounds!
I feel like being back at work has made me appreciate and value my time with Arjun so much more. I value my time at work, and I value my time at home. I want to make the most of every single minute. I feel like though we have less time together, it’s quality time.
I feel like I have a new found energy despite the early mornings. Im raring to go on my days off and in the evenings.
I have a new found confidence with Arjun – I have no idea why but I love it.
Arjun has become such a confident little boy at nursery – I’m so proud of him.
I love hearing about what Arjun has been up to at nursery.
I love being able to have adult chat and talk about things other than just babies – I hope that doesn’t make me a bad parent?
I love having a routine – I’m a structure kinda gal and find I work best with a little bit of a routine.
Some of the areas I find challenging since being back at work:
1. I’ve found it really difficult to manage family and friends in fewer days. I need to still learn to put my own family first and not be scared to delay things. Arjun’s not going to be this little forever and it’s important we also cherish family time with him too.
2. Early mornings – they can be a pain! But I’ve learnt that jumping out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off calls for a successful morning. The snooze button as tempting as it is is a no go for me.
3. Blogging – I often have a brain wave and string together sentences in my head (that sound bloody brilliant at the time) but I’m too tired to write them down and forget by the time I do get around to putting pen to paper. Maybe I need to invest in a dictaphone?! I love blogging, so I guess I make time for it. But it hasn’t been easy. I’m often doing bits and pieces once Arjun is asleep (like now!).
I’m eternally grateful for how my life has panned out – I was so anxious about returning to work but I’m so lucky to be enjoying it so much. The balance is perfect – and I’m eternally grateful to god that I’m able to work only part time as I know not everyone has that option. Its working so well for us. I’m generally in a lot better spirits and I feel like I have down days a lot less now.
I’ve had a few really down days which have coincided with me being back at work but not necessarily because I’m at work. I think its an element of separation anxiety which I’ve suffered with since my car accident – namely from my parents. I was having really sad thoughts about Arjun growing up without me. I’m not sure what the trigger was but I always struggle to divert myself away from those types of thoughts. Since I’ve had Arjun, my separation anxiety has been a lot better but when it hits, it hits hard. I bounced back within a few days with lots of love patience and reassurance from Preetam and lots of mummy cuddles from Arjun. Maybe it’s a reflection of my own insecurities as a mother!
“The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children”
All in all, my message to mummy’s worrying about going back to work – it WILL be ok. If you follow me on social media, you probably would have seen how stress/worried/anxious I was about returning to work. But I can honestly say it’s been the best decision for me to go back and like I said I’m eternally grateful that I’m able to go back part time. It’s worked out well for us and touch wood I hope it stays that way!
Now to go make my count down chart (on excel!!) for when Jeta is back … 😉
x
Hi, I’m Harps, an award winning blogger who shares my journey of motherhood after experiencing post natal depression and an unexpected diagnosis of Down’s syndrome. Readers have often coined my musings “relatable” and “warming”. I have gone on to turn my passion of connecting people into working with brands ranging from household names through to small businesses and sharing with my engaged audience.
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